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Old 05-03-2010, 10:59 PM   #50
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It is good to Want Things...
Originally Posted by Crycket View Post
I have been trying to boil this down to the bottom line.
What makes me a real friend? Just because she is being unreasonable, does that give me the right to be unreasonable back? Is she really being unreasonable?

See...this is the sort of thing that goes flying through my mind.

{from way back in the thread..}

Ah, Yes! You have every right to be reasonable. Why did you put the un in there? Did her guilt trip trick you into doing/feeling that?

Yes, you can support her union without being there. Asking for 700 miles and four days trip is my reasonable limit, 1400 miles and two weeks of your times is extreme. Why not a two to four hour river boat cruise? Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania and Charleston, South Carolina are two closer locations for such river cruises. Heck, the great lakes are right there near you all (aren't they?) I am sure Virginia has river cruises too.

Her attitude? well Bride-zilla comes to mind at her selfish behavior. Funny but my bride and I took our after wedding vacation as a private affair to get away from other family/friend influence and get a good, stable start on our new life together (20 years ago past March). I think it was a good thing.

Why is she casting for so many life-lines from her past to be there long after the wedding ceremony is over?

Well, it comes down to a simple quote I keep hearing.

"It is good to want things."

But that doesn't mean you can always get what you want nor should anyone expect that.


P.S. Okay, from the article:
"In a lot of weddings, the bride is from one place, the groom is from across the country or someplace completely different, and what they do is, they get married in a neutral territory," Dolgin said
Really? Times must be changing. I my day (two decades ago and more) all the weddings were where the bride grew up and the groom and family traveled to the wedding. This was because it was her send off. From a biblical tradition, the bride leaves her family and joins her husband. My bride and I share time on vacation to visit both her and my family.

Someone else pointed out that it seemed like the grooms family was pushing for this destination wedding. Was it your friends idea? A grand, dream wedding that was unattainable until this man and his family came along? It sounded really bad that the groom's family was still pushing for this even when all the brides side were dropping like flies because of the cost/time/distance and extreme inconvenience.

It doesn't sound like a good, equal marriage if the groom and his family are setting the location and seem to be isolating her from her friends and family. That seems dangerously controlling to me. But maybe I am just paranoid ("CONSTANT VIGILANCE" echoes in my head from "Mad-Eye" Moody of Harry Potter series).

Use the knowledge from her mom. Why does she still want a destination wedding if it means none of her family and friends can afford the time or travel to attend? Is her man pushing her to this to separate her from her family and her friends?

The trip would be a good honeymoon after a local wedding. Who is she trying to please or hurt by excluding so much of her own family and friends?

Where will she and her new husband be making their home? Toronto, Edmonton, or elsewhere? Isn't this her last time to have her friends and family celebrate her. Why is she going to such distance to limit their participation?

Have I given you enough questions to pepper her with? When she lays a guilt question on you, then you counter with one of these or others that have been posted. Then also point out what a wedding should be.

But, I am not a counselor nor have I any training in psychology. I am a helpdesk analyst with customer service training. That only covers how to identify the callers personality to determine how to manage their expectations and turn it into an extra-ordinary customer experience. You phrase your response to satisfy the callers basic need but still conforms to what you can do.

I pray this will work out for the best.
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Last edited by OffJumpsJack : 05-03-2010 at 11:58 PM. Reason: I read the rest of the thread.
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