It sounds to me like your just in the throes of learning a new craft, that's all! Correct tension and slow going are all par for the course!!
I learned to crochet first, so knitting was a lot harder for me. When people say crochet is more difficult than knitting for them, I'm always amazed. I think, "How can using one "stick" be harder than mastering two?" But then I stop and remember that it's what you get used to--and sometimes how early you learn something.
If the hats are frustrating you this much, though, perhaps a smaller project might be more appropriate. Make a little dish scrubby or a pot holder or something. Celebrate your finished object no matter what it looks like (the dishes don't care if it's a little messy looking), and then move on to the hat.
Regarding the crocheting/knitting and then frogging, well, as I tell my husband, when you create something and then rip it out all the time, you don't need to buy anymore yarn!!