My daughter is 11, and her father has her for summer visitation, and some times during the school year.
I have found out through my daughter that my ex has beaten on his new wife, and scared my daughter and her stepsister so bad that they have to call his mother to come help them. NOw, having said that, I was quite amazed when she have the courage to tell me this, cause she thought I would be mad at her.
Which I wasnt, of course. I was heartbroken that at such a young age, she has to deal with that crap from her own father...so I told her that I was proud of her for trusting me and DH enough to tell us this.
I think my point is, Im sure that someday, my oldest will rebel against us, and Ill be in your shoes. And Ive already made thoughts and ideas as to how to work through it. So far, the worst punishment shes had is a weekend of grounding.
TBH, I would let her go to the summer camp. As the captain, I would say its important. But *not* the championship. And I would leave her bed, but take her door off the hinges. If she cant respect you as she should, than she doesnt deserve to have the door.
And my mom used to do this to us....if there was disrespect, one of our treasured possession went to another sibling for a parental determined amount of time. Although, this was in the day when it was Walkmans, and books. No iPods, or cell phones.
Other than that, Im not sure what else to offer, except a great big hug!