Originally Posted by Demonica
If a parent punishes a child too much, the child won't care anymore; they will remain defiant because they will feel they will get in trouble no matter what they do. On the flip side, if you don't punish enough, the child will know they can get away with almost anything and will go as far as they can. It's a very delicate balance.
I was coming here to post something very similar. I feel for you, those years can be really hard on both the child as well as the parents.
I was a troublesome teenager between ages 16-18. The issues were different but the attitude was the same. In my case it wasn't disrespect, it was either withdrawal or fighting. And again in my case, anything I perceived as drastic punishment made me so mad it only made me behave worse. I figured since they were punishing me anyway I might as well "earn" it. Once, my dad removed the lock from my door because I constantly stomped away into my room and locked it. It didn't make me spend more time in the living room, I spent it all outside with my friends.
It's been 10 years now (I'm 28 ) and my parents and I have a wonderful relationship. As soon as I moved out of home, my attitude changed completly *sigh*
I don't know if I have a single point to make. I don't have children so I can only speak from the perspective of the kid, having been there.
It is very important to have authority over your child, to make it known you're the one making the rules, but not so harshly that it seems easier to walk away and be "free".
The cell phone, friends visiting, ipod, laptop, boom box - all this I agree with. But I'm not sure about taking away from her what she might consider her "escape" - football. I wouldn't leave her with no way out. Just enough so she is without luxuries.
I hope she grows out of it soon and wish you good luck in the meantime. Take care!