My father is an Episcopal priest, and has been for 34+ years. He will not marry someone unless the couple goes throught pre-marital counseling. Saying that, just because they "do" the counseling sessions does not mean that he will marry them. He has refused on occasion to marry couples who have "completed" the required counseling sessions. The reason? Becasue marriage is a sacrament and he would not marry them in front of God and community (effectively putting his seal on the marrige), if he feels it is not right. Now my father has been married to my mother for 46 years this August, and knows how hard/lovely/trying/uplifting marriage is.
Personally, I have been invited to many weddings over the years. I can think of 3 weddings of good friends that I politely declined the invitation. When asked why I didn't want to attend I told them as nicely as possible that my belief is that by attending a wedding I am pledging my belief in the couple, their commitment to one another, and my willingness to help them throught problems. I didn't believe that the weddings/marriages where good/healthy and I could not attend in good concious. I regretted having to say this, as it hurt feelings, but my friends know me, and know I will not go against my mores,and respected (disliked but respected) my position. I'm sad to say that all 3 ended in divorce.
1) Your brother is not very nice, and wants what he wants without working for it.
2) Your brother doesn't want a relationship with you, but would be fine with your husband officiating his wedding?!? (will you be invited?)
3) Your brother did not ask, your mother did, she is not getting married.
4) You have voiced concerns about the relationship as a whole. Could you pledge to support them in their marriage with a whole heart?
5) Your husband believes marriage is serious, is he willing to officiate knowing it is not a fully healthy relationship....knowing there is the possiblity of children being brought into the relationship?
There are many serious issues here, not the least of which is the marriage. Familial responsiblity, caring for others, responsiblity, emotional maturity, future responsiblities (children, jobs, living arrangements, money, etc.).
My person opinion? I think it's obvious :-)
I'm sure your husband will do what is right in his heart. I'm sure some of his confusion is becasue he's a caring individual and doesn't want to hurt or cause anymore problems. However, we don't have to like family, just love them.
I would rather do the right think than the easy thing....and generally those are not the same thing. It's just nice when they are.