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Old 12-16-2007, 01:17 AM   #1
*KnitPixie*
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What to do when a friend constantly copies you
I know that when someone copies you alot its suppossed to be the best form of flattery but how do you tell them without hurting their feelings that it is F$%*#@ annoying..pardon the french but it has been going on for a long time and for the most part I try to ignore it..but since I spend alot of time with this person it is unavoidable
and all those bad feelings I am feeling like right now. I mean I just want said person to get their own frickin identity, ya know be themselves.. HELP ANY ADVICE
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Old 12-16-2007, 02:53 AM   #2
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I'm not sure how old you are, but it's not uncommon among young people. One of my daughters especially used to complain about this girl who would often buy the same dress/blouse/shoes/CD, etc.

If this girl is truly your friend I suggest you talk to her calmly and explain how it makes you feel. Let her know that while it's flattering you would like to have your own identity and that you are uncomfortable with all the copying. See how that goes and if things don't change you may have make a decision to either live with it or distance yourself.

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Old 12-16-2007, 04:50 AM   #3
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I am 23 years old.. So one would think that would be old enough to have your own identity right?! See I never really copied people I always just bought what I liked regardless of what people thought ya know. Even though I used to be shy I still knew what I liked and had my own preferences and whatnot. See said person is in denial because if I confront her she changes it around to make it look like it was a coincidence or acts innocent and sad to make me feel like Im being a brat when I am truly not like when we were younger she supposedly just didnt like the shades of the other compacts blue and purple because I picked pink and she grabbed it so I opted for the purple..then not too long ago on a trip I pick out a pink hoodie (I love hoodies and its becoming a hobby of mine to collect them when we travel )and anyways she picks the same one up pretending not to notice I picked it up "oh how cute"she says as if its the first time she sees it ( which is bull but anyway) then when I get the least huffy she says something like this "Oh I didnt know you wanted it if your gonna get it I'll put mine back then scowls at the shelves hinting well I really wanted one but I dont like anything else so I guess I wont get any, WHAT A GUILT TRIP not even the blue one which is exactly the same, then I feel bad and get the blue ..whats wrong with that you ask..I dont want to be a freakin bopsy twin when we are both adults!! I mean its not a friendship sweater for pete's sake I guess what I am trying to say is I am sick of picking my next best choice because I grew a mini-me over the course of our friendship There is many more situations but I shall leave it at that for now...
Please help I love my friend but she gets under my skin with that whole bit
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We could learn a lot from crayons:some are sharp, some are pretty, some are dull, some have weird names,
and all are different colors....
but they all exist very nicely in the same box.

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Old 12-16-2007, 06:07 AM   #4
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Hi KnitPixie,

I have to say I think your friend is being a bit passive-aggressive and using that to try to manipulate you. I mean, in the example you gave, that guilt trip as you said and making you feel bad -- she succeeded in getting you to do just what she wanted, and since her strategy worked she'll probably use it again and again.

You can try talking to her as Jan suggested (communication is always a good thing!), but I also think that if you stop paying attention to her little pouting routine, just pretend that everything is fine, keep smiling and talking to her as if nothing had happened, then after awhile she should get the message that you're not going to be manipulated anymore!

It could be that a sincere discussion and the realization that you're not going to play this little game anymore will help your friend wake up and maybe grow up a little bit. If you do your best to make it clear to her how you feel and she keeps behaving this way, I would really start to wonder how good a friend she is and if you really need to be around her.

I hope you and your friend can work things out -- but please don't let her continue to manipulate you!

Good luck!
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Old 12-16-2007, 09:28 AM   #5
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Whew, I'm not sure this is just a young person's problem. When I was growing up, we had a family that copied our family, even to the extent of selling their house and moving to the same street where we had just built a new house. Unreal. I think the source of the copying was the mother, and I remember it being the topic of numerous heated discussions. I wish I had a solution. It is a very vexing problem. In our case, finding ways to distance ourselves seemed to be the only thing that really worked.

Editing to add one more note about the copying family: Their children have grown up to create families that are obviously dysfunctional, so this copying behavior is definitely not flattery, but a symptom of a very real problem.
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Old 12-16-2007, 10:03 AM   #6
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Ok, because this is an adult and not a child or teen or my advice would be totally different I have an idea. In this case, my advice is to turn the tables on her a bit. First off, go shopping with her and pick something absolutely positively ghastly that you hate. Let her pick the same thing, then return it buy something you like and when she wears the thing you hated thinking you will be in the same thing or whatever just tell her up front you did it to see what she would do and now you see that she is purposely just buying what you buy and that it is not just an accident or whatever her excuse is. Tell her you appreciate the fact she thinks you have good taste and all, but that it has become embarrassing having the twin act all the time. She isn't a child/teen but an adult and if she is that clueless and keeps it up, I may distance myself from her. If you have exhausted all means of communication with regards to this, then as one of the others said, she enjoys manipulating you and that is no friend.

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Old 12-19-2007, 02:17 AM   #7
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Tell her to back off and get over herself.
...
'Yknow, the amount of friends I still have astounds me.
I'm sorry. My advice fails.
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Old 12-19-2007, 09:30 AM   #8
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My step-father used to tell me that you can count the number of close friends on one hand. Hmmm...I can count mine on two or three fingers (not counting y'all, of course! )
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