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Old 12-18-2007, 05:20 PM   #1
stitchwitch
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Pet humor
I like #2 of the rules posted on the front door!

PET RULES

To be posted VERY LOW on the refrigerator door - nose height.

Dear Dogs and Cats,
The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate of food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.
Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years --canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:

To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets

1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That's why they call it 'fur'niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.

Remember: Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3. Are easier to train
4. Usually come when called
5. Never drive your car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't worry about having to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't wear your clothes
10. Don 't need a gazillion dollars for college, and
11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children
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Old 12-18-2007, 05:51 PM   #2
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Thanks, I needed a laugh this afternoon!
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Old 12-18-2007, 07:52 PM   #3
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Oh my gosh, my dog and cat do all that stuff. My dopey cat will even sit at our one sink that drips and stick his head under it and let it drip on him! I thought cats hated water! He doesn't drink it, he likes it to make him wet!

Thanks for the great laugh!
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Old 12-18-2007, 08:13 PM   #4
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I definately agree with "they live here, you don't!"
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Old 12-18-2007, 08:21 PM   #5
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I totally agree with all the notes to people who complain about pets. I don't even have any furries yet!
1) I love cats even though I'm allergic. People freak out when they learn this and their cats are around. I'm a big girl. If your cat is bothering me, I can shoo him away or ask you to keep him in another room while I am there. I am not playing with him simply because I don't know better, or don't have the will power to get rid of him.
2) If my mom EVER comes over to my (future) home and complains about anything in relation to my animals, she will not be invited back. I love her, but we have very different lifestyles. I've lived her way for 20 years. If she can't live mine for 20 minutes, I'll come visit her.
3) People ask why I want pets and not kids. Next time, I'm sending them list #3!
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Old 12-18-2007, 09:01 PM   #6
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That's hilarious! I love it. My cat always slips her paw under the bathroom door and pulls on it. It's actually quite scary when you're home alone in the shower!
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Old 12-19-2007, 11:03 AM   #7
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Originally Posted by jess_hawk View Post
I've lived her way for 20 years. If she can't live mine for 20 minutes, I'll come visit her.
This is so well put, thank you!!
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Old 12-19-2007, 11:42 AM   #8
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11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children
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Old 12-19-2007, 11:57 AM   #9
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How many of us were nodding saying 'how true'?!

So funny, thanks.
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