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Old 04-26-2010, 10:15 PM   #1
Crycket
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OT: Not this again....
Some of you may remember, I had started a thread probably about a year ago or more now in the Off Topic section....

It was about how a friend of mine was laying on the pressure to go to her wedding that would be taking place on a cruise.

I had said back then that I really don't want to go, it is expensive, I don't want to have to take a plane and it is a vacation...not just a one or two day wedding event. It is a full week + extra.

The conclusion at the time was that after many frustraited feelings, we talked it out and basically it is too expensive. This was truely the best thing to say as my other phobias were just coming off as me being insensitive and bitchy.

The case has been reopened. She is done with her chemo (for those just tuning in or having forgot, she was going through breast cancer treatments at the time this whole thing started) and has now planned a date for the wedding. It is going to be the beginning of March, next year. She has planned it to leave from Florida, so if I don't want to take a plane, we can drive down, and instead of the $2000 a person price tag, she says with the package that she has arranged, the low end price will be approx $800 a night, per person. Well...that significantly drops the original price from what would have been about $5000 for DH and I to go, to about $3000 (driving/motel expenses driving down, etc. + the $1600 what I am guessing is a US price...and other expenses)

I was talking to her about it all again tonight, hoping it had all be finalized as a "I can't afford it" deal in the first place...that it wouldn't be a sore point still...

So...she says this to me "There have been people who have had weddings in shorter time, that people have been able to come up with the money for such a trip" and the follow up "everybody needs a vacation" Basically saying that putting aside enough for a coffee a day would allow me to go, and that she has gone to the trouble of finding a cruise that leaves from somewhere I could drive to rather than fly.

Ok...the money is a little more reasonable...but it is DHs whole vacation time. I am also not working steadily making the money thing a little more difficult.

*sigh* I was hoping this issue was over and done with. I was hoping that this wouldn't be an issue....

I had said to her "but you are still putting the wedding at a distance, not everyone will be able to go" to which her answer was, "those who want to will come, those who don't, won't." I said, it isn't a matter of want or not, it might be a money issue, to which she responded with the above comments about how little it costs...and how much everyone needs a vacation...

Why can't it just be easy...am I being a horrible jerk for not wanting to go? Why am I even having to go through this again for a second time?

Maybe I should just go....
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Old 04-26-2010, 10:36 PM   #2
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>Maybe I should just go....<

No!! Sorry to say this since she's your friend, but she's being narrow minded & selfish. It seems that she's used to people giving in to her wishes. If you can't go then you can wish her well & look forward to seeing her pics when they return.
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Old 04-26-2010, 11:00 PM   #3
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Originally Posted by Gertie View Post
>Maybe I should just go....<

No!! Sorry to say this since she's your friend, but she's being narrow minded & selfish. It seems that she's used to people giving in to her wishes. If you can't go then you can wish her well & look forward to seeing her pics when they return.
Agreed.
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Old 04-26-2010, 11:23 PM   #4
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Quote:
>Maybe I should just go....<

No!! Sorry to say this since she's your friend, but she's being narrow minded & selfish. It seems that she's used to people giving in to her wishes. If you can't go then you can wish her well & look forward to seeing her pics when they return.
Couldnt have said it better myself.

Maybe you could make her a little something to wear in the wedding...perhaps....a shawl?? I hear theres a really pretty one being tested right now...
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Old 04-27-2010, 12:08 AM   #5
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Oh there are already plans for a shawl...and I was going to make her a cross stitch with the wedding date on it....

I guess i am just really easily guilt tripped...
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Old 04-27-2010, 07:24 AM   #6
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My advice this year is the same as my advice last year (if I remember correctly);

Thank her for the invitation, express your joy at her wedding but tell her FIRMLY you are unable to attend AND DON"T FEEL GUILTY.
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Old 05-02-2010, 04:22 PM   #7
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Originally Posted by Gertie View Post
>Maybe I should just go....<

No!! Sorry to say this since she's your friend, but she's being narrow minded & selfish. It seems that she's used to people giving in to her wishes. If you can't go then you can wish her well & look forward to seeing her pics when they return.
BINGO! Perfectly stated!

DO NOT . . .REPEAT . . DO NOT be emotionally blackmailed into giving in -to doing something you do not want to do, nor that your husband does not want to do, nor what you cannot afford to do.
End of discussion.
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Old 05-02-2010, 06:50 PM   #8
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LOL....yes...I know...

It can be tough being a non confrontational person sometimes. Wait, that isn't true either. I do stand up for what I believe...

Heck! I have stood up for myself here, before too! I don't understand why she is still beating this dead horse.

I suppose that is really it. Either I am being a bad friend for not going, or she is being a bad friend for not being understandable.

And Gertie, I do not think you were being hateful. It seems this topic is full of fuel no matter how you look at it!
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Old 05-02-2010, 08:26 PM   #9
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>Either I am being a bad friend for not going,<
No. No. No!

>or she is being a bad friend for not being understandable.<
I agree.

Yes, there's some adrenaline flowing in this thread. We care about you & don't want you mistreated.
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Old 05-02-2010, 08:37 PM   #10
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*beams* I am very pleased and honoured to have ppl that care. This is just such a tough position to be put in! Or at least it feels like one. I would rather take $200 or so and put it into some catered food, and a nice shower than have to go through a vacation!
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