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Old 03-07-2008, 02:45 PM   #1
happyfingers
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I need to vent a little
Hi
I'm 43 I have 4 kids 15-6 and a husband.....I love my kids with all my heart and they are really good kids, but they are kids.....I have been married for 17 yrs this Aug and I'm so sorry I ever married this man....he will do nothing I MEAN NOTHING, but pay the bills...no housework , no rtake the kids out to do something with them I have to be there...well I have just started back to work because I was a stay at home mom...it amazes me how some men don't realize how you give of your self to take care of the home and the children ...They think that the are better because they pay the bills.....so wrong...I read the thread were the lady was talking about have just a few days to her self.....I need that but it's not happening......you know since I have started this job my husband gets home before me but will not make dinner. will not clean, will only wash his clothes forget anyone else ...he tells my oldest which is my 15 yr old son who could not boil a cup of water to fix something. .....I try to make crock pot meals and all he has to do is turn it on and let it warm put the food on a plate........but will he oh no..how the h*$@ do we stay together I hear you say.......It is only for my kids.......I do not make enough to support them on my own......Now we don't fight basically I just act like he is not here...and I do things with my kids..but I need a break....thanks to all who listen
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Old 03-07-2008, 03:04 PM   #2
Nikkilc
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i think you need one of these
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Old 03-07-2008, 03:09 PM   #3
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I'm so sorry. Marriage is difficult...especially when the other spouse does not help out. My husband had to start doing things when I went back to school. My kids also started doing more for themselves. I had to hold myself back and not do things...just so they would learn.

Anyhow, I totally understand. You have a load to carry, and he's not doing anything to help lighten the burden.

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Old 03-07-2008, 03:16 PM   #4
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Big BIG BIIIIG

Sounds like a tough transition time for you and I hope it gets better. Hopefully, like AuburnChick mentioned, with time they will figure out that they have to pitch in a bit if they want clean clothes and food. They are physically able to do it but it'll be hard for you to sit back and NOT do things for awhile. Good luck, vent often!
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Old 03-07-2008, 03:32 PM   #5
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OOOO happy,
I soooo feel for ya hun!!! I too went through that with my EX!!!
I have 7 kids all within ten years age difference and nope he wouldn't help with the housework or the discipline. He would just go to work, come home, eat dinner n fall asleep in his easy chair. Then when I did say something, he would act like I had never mentioned it before. Bah- humbug!!!!!

I think the straw that broke the camels back was when I had to have emergency surgery to have my gall bladder removed (they had to do the full on operation not just the laparascopic one). So I was in the hospital for a week (talk about ahhhhh, peace n quiet). I get out of the hospital and it was just like nothing had happened. Hell I didn't even have my stitches out yet and was pretty much forced to work like there was nothing wrong with me. Can we say, what the hell?
Now at the time all my kids were under 14 and I had 3 under the age of 7 also. I had had enough. I knew that if I stuck around much longer my sanity and me would be like ummm, gone (as in not breathing gone). Talk about major depression.

So, (now don't ya'll go whippin out the tar n feathers here), I left. I didn't know where I was gonna live nor if I would have a decent job. Not to mention, the kids had a roof over their heads and their dad had a good job. So the kids stayed with their dad.
I said all that to say this, I don't know if you will make the same very hard decisions I did, or you will be able to work this out with your husband, but I do know what you are going through and just how hard it is. I stuck it out for 16 years before I finally said that's enough!!

As of today, I am remarried to a wonderful man who really, in my opinion, has been more of a father figure to the kids than their real dad. The three youngest now live with me and are all in highschool. The older ones all have great jobs and are going to college. And I have two of the most beautiful grandbabies anyone could ask for.

It just took a very hard decision to decide that my kids needed their parents to both be happy and that I am responsible for my own happiness and no one else.
I hope this helps. I don't tell this to a lot of people, probably because I figure I would be judged unfairly. But I told ya'll this to let you know that you are not alone in how you feel.
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Old 03-07-2008, 03:34 PM   #6
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I know how difficult situations like this can be and I hope things work out for the best. Just don't let your happiness get lost in the mess of things.
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Old 03-07-2008, 03:50 PM   #7
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Originally Posted by fibrenut View Post
So, (now don't ya'll go whippin out the tar n feathers here), I left.
More like a hug and a pat on the back!

Seriously, as tough a decision as it must have been it seems pretty clear that you made the best choice for your sanity and your kids' well being! Major props for having the courage.
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Old 03-07-2008, 03:54 PM   #8
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I hope you get that break you need.
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Old 03-07-2008, 04:01 PM   #9
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Happy, you sound like an A1+ mom. You and your kids stick together, do what ever you can to teach them not to be lazy like how you describe their father. He may have had terrible role models in his life. Possibly a mom who did everything.

Your in my prayers.
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Old 03-07-2008, 04:17 PM   #10
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Same here. My husband had to learn how to do everything when I went back to school too. He could not could a lick and the kids would complain and say the food didn't taste good and I would say - taste good to me. I didn't want him to stop crying. NOW, he is an excellent cook and he helps around the house a lot. But, that came after years of prodding. We have been together 16 years and we have three kids 18, 14 and 9.
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