I soooo feel for ya hun!!!
I too went through that with my EX!!!
I have 7 kids all within ten years age difference and nope he wouldn't help with the housework or the discipline. He would just go to work, come home, eat dinner n fall asleep in his easy chair. Then when I did say something, he would act like I had never mentioned it before. Bah- humbug!!!!!
I think the straw that broke the camels back was when I had to have emergency surgery to have my gall bladder removed (they had to do the full on operation not just the laparascopic one). So I was in the hospital for a week (talk about ahhhhh, peace n quiet). I get out of the hospital and it was just like nothing had happened. Hell I didn't even have my stitches out yet and was pretty much forced to work like there was nothing wrong with me. Can we say, what the hell?
Now at the time all my kids were under 14 and I had 3 under the age of 7 also. I had had enough. I knew that if I stuck around much longer my sanity and me would be like ummm, gone (as in not breathing gone). Talk about major depression.
So, (now don't ya'll go whippin out the tar n feathers here), I left. I didn't know where I was gonna live nor if I would have a decent job. Not to mention, the kids had a roof over their heads and their dad had a good job. So the kids stayed with their dad.
I said all that to say this, I don't know if you will make the same very hard decisions I did, or you will be able to work this out with your husband, but I do know what you are going through and just how hard it is. I stuck it out for 16 years before I finally said that's enough!!
As of today, I am remarried to a wonderful man who really, in my opinion, has been more of a father figure to the kids than their real dad. The three youngest now live with me and are all in highschool. The older ones all have great jobs and are going to college. And I have two of the most beautiful grandbabies anyone could ask for.
It just took a very hard decision to decide that my kids needed their parents to both be happy and that I am responsible for my own happiness and no one else.
I hope this helps. I don't tell this to a lot of people, probably because I figure I would be judged unfairly. But I told ya'll this to let you know that you are not alone in how you feel.