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Old 03-07-2008, 09:04 PM   #21
evona
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Show your husband this article. Or leave it conspicuously laying around!

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080306/...VsF3EOOZCs0NUE
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Old 03-08-2008, 02:27 AM   #22
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Originally Posted by newamy View Post
I'm sorry you are going through all this. All I can say is he should help more and I don't know how you can put up with it. I feel very fortunate in that I have a wonderful husband who helps with everything.

But one comment;

Don't let your 15 y/o or your other boys turn out the same. Men are more often than not taught their behavior by their parents. In fact look at how your husbands parents conduct their lives...it might look familiar.

Bring the boys into the kitchen to help cooking along with the girls. If this is successful you will have some new helpers. My 13 year old son can fix a simple dinner and help with parts of more complicated dinners. He can unload a dishwasher and sort of load one, he's been learning to do laundry too. He vacuums also. He doesn't do these things perfectly but he does them! I consider this essential training for adulthood. My brothers were similarly taught to do household things....and it's a good thing too. One of my brothers works full time, his wife is schizophrenic and unable to work. She also does very little around the house d/t her illness, so he pretty much does it all plus he has to deal with her erratic behavior. They have no children but he has difficulties similar to yours.

I hope things get better and you get a break.

Youre right I said that part about my 15yr because he can do but will try not to...he does do the dishes and cleans the kitchen that's his chore ...It's just that I have to get onto him about it so much......I have taught the children to clean up after their selves there rooms , take out trash. even wash a load of clothes or two, etc.....it's just that it's a battle to have to tell them over and over...that's why I said their kids I know it's normal...I just needed to blow some steam....and every one who replied seems to understand again thanks
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Old 03-08-2008, 09:05 AM   #23
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Originally Posted by vaknitter View Post
Sometimes I have to tell him - we can't do activity A until you do your chores.
So many husbands are like overgrown little boys. Self centered, too.
Maybe it's because their parents never required any household responsibilities of them.

Like Roseanne Barr said: you think my husband just came out of the box like that?
I've had to train him for YEARS to get to this point.
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Old 03-08-2008, 09:23 AM   #24
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I can relate...boy, howdy, I know what you mean!

And that's all I'm gonna say about that.

Just take some comfort in knowing that there is at least one other person out here who is just as fed up as you are.
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Old 03-08-2008, 09:23 AM   #25
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Originally Posted by photolady View Post
So many husbands are like overgrown little boys. Self centered, too.
Maybe it's because their parents never required any household responsibilities of them.

Like Roseanne Barr said: you think my husband just came out of the box like that?
I've had to train him for YEARS to get to this point.
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Old 03-08-2008, 10:46 AM   #26
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Originally Posted by happyfingers View Post
Youre right I said that part about my 15yr because he can do but will try not to...he does do the dishes and cleans the kitchen that's his chore ...It's just that I have to get onto him about it so much......I have taught the children to clean up after their selves there rooms , take out trash. even wash a load of clothes or two, etc.....it's just that it's a battle to have to tell them over and over...that's why I said their kids I know it's normal...I just needed to blow some steam....and every one who replied seems to understand again thanks



Here's an idea that I used to use (and I probably will go back to...

I put all of the chores on a spreadsheet (that's the computer techie coming out to play!).

I divided them up into weekly and daily chores. These went down the left side of the page. Across the top, I had the days of the week.

The kids have to initial beside each chore as it gets done.

I can tell, at a quick glance, what has not been done, and they do not get to do what they want until everything is done. No more nagging...they know what is expected of them and the consequences.

Kids have to learn that this is the way the working world operates. Everyone has their responsibilities, and if you don't do them, there are natural consequences.

Unfortunately, you have to head up the effort in your house since your dh is not setting a good example.

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Old 03-08-2008, 11:18 AM   #27
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Old 03-08-2008, 12:47 PM   #28
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*big hug for you*

As the mother of two step-kids who have NOT been told no or taught to do for themselves much at all before I came into the picture, I can certainly relate.

I cannot complain too much about my hubby...he is a good man who does try to help out a lot, but I will say that he is utterly at a loss about how to discipline and be consistent with his kids which is a problem over time. We are working on that because if he and I have children, it will NOT work for him to be that way with them - he knows that.

I don't know how best to help you other than I hope you have been able to communicate your frustrations to him (in a normal conversation way versus when you are upset because us gals all know how men's hearing shuts off when the decibel level increases in our voice) and I urge you to make sure you find ways to teach your kids to do for themselves - be it chores, thinking for themselves, giving them choices and consequences - please don't let them get to be in the late teen years and have NO idea how to do or think for themselves. It isn't pretty to think of turning out a kid like that into the world and I suspect it would only cause more problems and heartache later.

If you need to vent further, feel free to PM me or keep this thread going. I think we all (men and women) do what we do because of what we know and have seen in life...but it sure doesn't make it easy sometimes. Marriage is tough. Having kids is tough. But having God, friends and knitting DOES make it all easier, right?! :-)
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Old 03-08-2008, 04:23 PM   #29
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Okay, this is my opinion on what might work for you. These are the things I had to do when I was a struggling, single mom.

TAKE the alone time you need, when you need it. Don't wait for anyone's permission.

Lock yourself in the bathroom, and take a LONG bath. (Take a radio in there, and listen to your favorite music.)

Take the kids to see a movie. (Take your knitting, with a pair of those needles with lights at the points, so you can knit during the movie.)

Take the kids to the park, and take your knitting so you can sit down and relax while they play.

Work on yourself, by reading self-help books, or exercising, going for walks, etc.

Don't worry about the house being a mess. Just let it go, and concentrate on the things that you need. You're a working mom now, so the house will not look as nice as it did before. Just chill, and relax a bit.

Make a list of things you want to do in your life, and go about DOING them.

Have fun, because you only live once. Make it a HAPPY life!
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Old 03-08-2008, 07:27 PM   #30
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Originally Posted by Natrasha View Post
I can relate...boy, howdy, I know what you mean!

And that's all I'm gonna say about that.

Just take some comfort in knowing that there is at least one other person out here who is just as fed up as you are.
Make that two. Mine imagines he's sick and won't eat anything but bread, milk and cereal. I'm starting to think that if I'm cooking for one anyhow, I might as well be where no one complains about the "stench" from steamed carrots and peas or the "stink" from my sweat after I scrub the floor, salt and sweep the sidewalk and clear half of the driveway.
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