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Old 04-16-2008, 07:25 PM   #21
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ARGHHHHHHHHHH! Back to Plan A, I guess. I will try the Dr. route but I know what you're saying....
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Old 04-16-2008, 09:40 PM   #22
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One of the hardest days of my life was when I realized Mother wasn't herself anymore. I still tear up. I went through the frustration, and the denial. Then it finally clicked.
She wasn't the same Mother I knew. Age and her health problems had changed her. The stubborness was her frustration as well. She was frustrated that she couldn't do the same things she had always done.
By looking at things that way, realizing that I was having to deal with the physical and mental challenges as well as the fact she was no longer the same person helped somewhat.
It was hard, at times almost impossible, but I tried to take it one day at a time. I did what I had to in order for it to be the best for her. I fought DR. and won. He didn't believe her blood sugar was dropping. I then stated iIwas going to come into the hospital at 3am and test her blood if he wouldn't order it.
He finally agreed as it was very simple. She was a diabetic, and it was a simple stick. I was right. he then started listening to me and supporting me in my decisions. I was primary care giver, and honestly at times i don't remember what I did or if I ate or slept at times.
Long story short. Stand up for your rights, be forceful and convinced, and know you have to have a little support for yourself. Find a support group, find a priest who will listen, find someone who will listen, and remember, you are human.
God bless anyone who is having this situation.
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Old 04-17-2008, 05:55 AM   #23
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Snoebear brings up a good avenue of help, your Mom's clergy (if she has one). We were able to involve my Dad's Minister. He is at least another person who calls or stops occasionally to see my Dad, my Dad respects his opinion and sometimes the Minister can make suggestions that we can't. The Minister also has our phone numbers and can call if he needs too.

If your Mom doesn't have a Clergy is there another good friend who might help convince her to make some small changes. Have you come right out and said, YOU ARE DIRTY?

It seems so unfair that after living long productive lives our seniors have to end up in such situations!!
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Old 04-17-2008, 10:23 AM   #24
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I would agree with pps that your mom's dignity is important...and hoarding would not be a reason for me to enlist outside help. But it's not hoarding alone...she's also not taking of herself any longer (not bathing is a big red flag if she is someone who has always been good about this before).

It sounds like at the very least, she is dealing with clinical depression. Possibly dementia, in the early stages.

I admit, I would be overly cautious, since I have seen mental illness within my own family. My great grandmother was very, very similar to your mother. She started hoarding things that she wasn't going to use. Then she started not keeping the house up like she always had before. She wasn't bathing. She refused help. She became very paranoid and was convinced that everyone wanted her things. Eventually, she locked her doors and wouldn't allow anyone in. She picked at a scab on one of her legs all the way to the bone...and finally died of an infection. And no one knew about it for weeks.

I am not telling you this to scare you...but I think that when you start to see red flags, you should always investigate and take steps of prevention.

Maybe just telling her you miss her and need her near you will be enough to get her into the trailer on your property. Where she can live independently, but with supervision.

No matter what wishes for your family!

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Old 04-17-2008, 11:13 PM   #25
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Oh no, I'm certainly not offended and appreciate the feedback/input. I have seriously considered having her deemed incompetent by the court to have one of us awarded custody so your suggestion is not offensive. We are actually working on putting a house/mobile home on our property so we can be closer and have some sort of control. I know that her landlord would have a heart attack if they knew her little house were this bad.
Not to throw cold water on your idea, but you cannot simply have someone "deemed incompetent". You can call Senior and Protective services to look at the situation. Sounds like you spoke to some sort of social service agency. If her doctor and Senior services and an independent psych eval finds her to be alert and oriented and aware of the consequences of her choices, then it is her choice. Otherwise you are violating her rights. She might very well have something to say about your idea. She may not bathe and she may hoard things and her home may be unsafe but it is her right and choice if she is of sound mind....Now if you can get a clinical dx of some sort of actual psychological disorder that could change the picture. I encounter this sort of situation now and then in my work as a home health nurse. A few weeks ago I met a man that sounds a lot like your mom. I was horrified by his home, I quizzed him at length and had our Social worker follow up. I was there for nursing issue but ended up being so much more worried about his safety. It turned out he had a case worker from the local senior services. They had offered him numerous things in the past and he had either refused or tried and later refused most things. He is a very intelligent, oriented and aware man. They cannot legally make him change his ways. He has people checking on him and helping with things he consents to only. The one difference between him and your mom is that he was estranged from his kids.

It is hard to get parents to do what their adult children think they need to do to be safe in many situations, so good luck with all this. Maybe you could get her to an MD appt if she hasn't been for awhile and begin having her evaluated for dementia or OCD or something.
May Peace Prevail on Earth.

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Old 04-17-2008, 11:39 PM   #26
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I think the clergy is a good idea. Maybe they take suggestions better from folks whose diapers they've never changed.

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Old 04-18-2008, 09:28 AM   #27
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Old 04-28-2008, 06:33 PM   #28
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Well, a small update for this situation... I've been communicating with my two sisters...something I haven't really done in a long while. So that's plus but they're as frustrated with this as I am. My older sister, who lives in Cincy, was supposed to try and talk to Mama's docter sometime this week. We are still trying to make preparations to house our dear mother when it becomes necessary. She did go to my younger sister's house last weekend and they did a "makeover" with a nice hair dyeing and a soothing shower. All three of us are trying to be as tender and loving with Mama to help keep her from feeling alone, which we believe has alot to do with her living conditions. I'll keep y'all posted as things progress.....
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Old 04-28-2008, 07:25 PM   #29
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My grandmother was just committed whenever she "acted up." And my other grands died of old people things before they got senile. And my mother is only 61 so she's not lost it yet (legally anyway) so I just want to say I feel so sorry for you and your pain and just want to give you a big
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Old 04-28-2008, 07:50 PM   #30
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This looks like a helpful link.
and, this one:
We had an aged relative who was not taking care of herself. Come to find out, they were victims of Alzheimers, and they were diabetic.
Alzheimer's disease is a terrible disease.

Consider all the possibilities.
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