My BF wants to adopt my children

[Puddinpop]

I posted before I saw that you have been together for years and in seeing that your daughter would benefit from this makes me see more of where you are coming from. Wishing you the best!

[evona]

Well, gay couples adopt and in most states they can't get married. So I have a feeling that adoption is available without marriage. I am not too worried about breaking up and having to deal with a custody battle because of the age of my children. I don't think that either of the children would sever ties with him on their own even if we do break up. Right now we are thinking that an informal ceremony might be best though.

[evona]

I posted before I saw that you have been together for years and in seeing that your daughter would benefit from this makes me see more of where you are coming from. Wishing you the best!

Thanks

[evona]

What is the state of 'legal guardianship' over there. Over here it can meen that they are and adoptive parent but it can also meen that they are the person who is officially responsible for somebody under the age of 18 (or 16 depending on what is in question).
I like the idea of getting your (his) rabbi involved. That could be a lovely way of joinging not only your BF to the kids but your families as well. Now this might sound odd, but if you are willing to do that then why not a marriage, personally i am not a big believer in marriage (both my parents have been married and divorced 3 times, 6 divorces in one family puts you off a concept!), but i can see the difference between the BF becoming a legal gaurdan of some sort, but not the diffference between having the rabbi bless you and join the family, after all isn't that what a weding is?

As another alternative to legal gaurdianship or adopting, could you speak to your lawyer and see if there is asome sort of document/contract that could be drawn up which says that for all intents and purposes, your bf is to be considered their father. This would take away some of the clout of adoption (And some of the problems) but would men that if for instance the school needed parents signature, then he could oblige.
good luck to you what ever the outcome, it sounds like your family is finally as it should be!

Thanks! Definitely some things to think about. I, unfortunately, am not that into marriage. I like ceremony though I have my own beliefs about marriage and I'm not against it at all, but the core of it is that my sister is a lesbian. Now, in California they CAN get married for the time being, but there is an amendment to our state constitution on the ballot for November attempting to ban gay marriage for good here. She's been in her current relationship for more than 10 years and I have never seen a couple so in love as them, except for maybe me and my boyfriend. I just can't see me having a wedding, having my sister stand up for me and inviting her wonderful partner when her rights to the same happiness are not really verified yet. So until the issue of gay marriage in my state is finalized I don't feel right getting married. And if the amendment goes through I may just never get married, or we can all move to Canada My BF feels the same way, as he has gotten to know my sister and her partner and how wonderful they are as well.