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Old 07-12-2008, 02:43 AM   #11
davespurl
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The best sign I've seen in years was one that said 'Parenting a teenager is like trying to nail Jell-O to a tree' - that pretty much sums it up.
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Old 07-12-2008, 03:16 AM   #12
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Originally Posted by davespurl View Post
The best sign I've seen in years was one that said 'Parenting a teenager is like trying to nail Jell-O to a tree' - that pretty much sums it up.
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Oh i think that sums pareting up totally .

im 26 so 16 wasnt that long ago (just feels like it!!). i remember taht my parents were ultra stricked and i totally resented them for that (if i am being honest i still do because they are still like it!!).
sounds like your hubby's having a hard time dealing with teenage daughters. prehaps a parenting book might help him understand that his isnt personal its just frustration and rebelion talking NOT her.

sending big to the pair of you, and her as i bet shes hurting as well, it probably feels like the end of her world (you know how drematic teenagers are)

good luck
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Old 07-15-2008, 10:09 AM   #13
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16 IS a very tough age, but I remember it well. I believe that all us girls were probably snotty at 16 even though we didn't think we were.

Just a thought here, but...perhaps....she may also suffer from some mild to moderate PMS syptoms that she doesn't realize she has. I'm told I was a holy terror at that time of the month when I was a teen and I had no clue. Until one day there was a story on the news about the "new thing" = PMS, and my parents jumped right on me and told me I had it. Since that day my parents and sister were quick to point out my moods and tell me to back it off. It worked! Although, I have to admit that it was hard to have people pointing it out to you all the time, but we're a rather laid back family so I didn't get mad.

Even if she doesn't suffer physically, she may have angry and/or vunerable moments. I'd have a conversation with her when she's not in a "mood" and ask her about it. It's not an easy conversation, but it could help. I now take Midol and when I feel myself getting angry for stupid reasons I let everyone know, especially DH, that I'm PMS'ing and not to take my mood seriously - this too shall pass. I work on controlling myself not those around me. Just a thought.
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Old 07-16-2008, 11:42 PM   #14
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Update
Well things have been getting better lately. My daughter and I and she and my husband (separately) have been talking and things are going well. She admitted to not feeling like herself, and when I put all the life changes she's going through now (first job, first boyfriend, dad moved, dad is getting married etc) I realized that she has a lot on her plate (which I knew) but I think all that is affecting her. So she's seeing a woman counselor every other week and really likes her. Yeah! We don't have a big family so there isn't grandma, aunt, etc. for her to talk to so I think another female in her life, even for a little while will really help.

Thanks to everyone for their support and words of encouragement. You all have fabulous and uplifting words of wisdom to share and I appreciate all the help you have been sending.
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Old 07-17-2008, 10:48 AM   #15
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Oh how wonderful...I'm SO glad she has found another woman to talk to - it makes a world of difference for young women to have someone who isn't going to 'parent' them in the same way that they can confide in and spill their stuff to...it took a while to find someone like that for my step-daughter but it did really help. The counselor got her to become aware of her moods so when she did, she could take steps to remove herself from the situation or calm herself down and come out of it instead of spending HOURS in a funk.

I also highly recommend you and your hubby having someone to talk to (whether it be friends or counseling - I wouldn't use family in that way because they can be too involved or insert themselves where they don't belong, etc.) just so you are keeping the lines of communication open and not keeping things in that can hurt you later.

From years of treating patients, I am here to tell you that one of (if not the biggest) cause of disease is when people have negative emotions (hurt, anger, depression, etc.) and don't get it out through talking and dealing with it so it manifests in physical symptoms. I'm a BIG believer that we all have a ton of 'stuff' we've been through so we can all use a confidante!

Good luck and keep us posted...
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Old 07-17-2008, 01:38 PM   #16
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it's an age thing not specific to gender. I've gone through it with each of my 3 stepsons, no matter what I did wasn't good enough, I didn't listen well enough, i kept their father from getting back together with their mother (never mind the fact their mother is the one that walked out and took the kids with her, she wanted to be the town tramp and that's exactly what she became.

I just needed to remember: No matter what, I AM NOT their mother (most days it's a thank the gods!). Once the now 20 year old moved in with us, things improved with him because there were no more conflicts in loyalties for him. He seldomly has anything to do with his mother and her side because he can't stand his stepfather (constantly criticizes and she can't stand his uber long hair which is down almost to his waist, his black clothes, the pants with the chains on them... keep in mind he's holding down a full time job, working on going back to college and keeps his hair neat and clean as well as pays rent here when school's not in session and babysits once or twice a month for us)

It's hard, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
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