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Old 10-26-2008, 08:05 PM   #1
Crycket
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Thrown for a loop!
My BFF really threw me for a loop the other day! About 5 years ago, I suggested that we start holding an annual halloween party. We got a group of her and my friends together who work well together, and have a big feast, exchange gifts etc....

This weekend while "rehearsing" for our wedding, she turns to me and says "so you will be hosting Halloween at your house this year...right?" and I said, "Why? We like having it here...." and she said..."but it is your party, we have just been hosting it at my house....now that you have a place, you can hold it at your house"

I was reeling for a bit, cause it was never a problem before...and her place is in the country, lots of room for swinging at pinatas or having a bonfire, so I was really confused...so after some prying, she broke down and admitted it was because her concious was bothering her....so I asked if she would come if I held it, and it seemed to be leaning towards no...

Now I must explain...and try to be as neutral as I can saying it too...

Back in the day her parents were Jahovahs witnesses...eventually both stopped practicing, but her sister who is 15 years older kept with the practice...and my BFF would go to meetings only when she was visiting her sister (on the other side of the country)...now that she is married, she has been finding her more spiritual side...and goes to meetings etc...

It is only this year that she has come forward to say such a thing...she has been married since 2002...and we have been having Halloween parties since about 2003...

Now the plan is to find another occasion to have get togethers....which should be no problem, and really, it is the friends, not the occasion that matters...I know that...but I can't help but feel a little hurt. Well...maybe crushed is the right word. She always enjoyed our Halloween parties...and now they are "bothering her concious"...I thought we had a really great little tradition starting...and it turns out it all has to change...

New traditions can be made...I don't know...I like the path we paved, and now it feels like there is a big backwards step. I am not worried about the status of our friendship...we have been tight ever since grade 8....(what is that 12?)

Thanks for letting me vent....
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Old 10-26-2008, 10:05 PM   #2
JustAFloridaGirl
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Wow. I mean, she's perfectly free to believe what she wants to believe but it really irks me that some organized religions completely distort the true meanings behind certain things.

I'm sure you know this, but Halloween has nothing to do with "Satan" yet so many people tout that it's his birthday or something. Halloween, or Hallowe'en, or All Hallow's Eve seems to have descended from a holiday in which it's believed that the dead are closer to us than any other time of the year. And by "the dead" it's meant Grandma, Grandpa, Great-Aunt Laurie, Cousin Susie...all the relatives and loved ones who have passed. The concept of Trick or Treating came from the tradition of leaving food out for the spirits who may pass by on this evening.

Basically, how is the concept of having an evening in which the dead "feel" closer to us, and being able to leave a little portion of food for them in order to honor them any different from the concept behind Memorial Day?

I'm sure if you explained it this way to her that it wouldn't change anything, people's religious beliefs are hard to sway. I'm sorry I can't really give you any advice on how to handle your hurt feelings, although I think it's wonderful that you are so open to finding another holiday to celebrate out of respect for her. It shows you're a great friend and anyone would be lucky to have someone that considerate in their life.
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Old 10-26-2008, 11:33 PM   #3
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The thing is, she knows this....every year, we share soul cakes and tell the story of Halloween...

It drives me mad that it has never been a problem before...and she knew the JW rules before...just now they are sunk into her concious....*sigh*
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Old 10-26-2008, 11:57 PM   #4
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I wish I knew what to say that wouldn't turn this thread into a heated debate so I'm going to keep my mouth shut on this one, but, I hope you guys can figure something out.
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Old 10-27-2008, 08:04 AM   #5
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One key thing caught my eye..."we can have another occasion to get together". Now, I will be the first to admit I am not up on the particulars of every religion that exists, but aren't Jehovah's Witnesses basically banned from celebrating anything?

My mom was a teacher, and she had a very few students who, I believe, were JW. Anytime they said the Pledge of Allegiance, they could not take part. Anytime anyone had a birthday and brought treats, they could not take part. Likewise any type of celebration. The only celebrating they are allowed to do is in connection with God and Jesus. But, I think even their Christmas celebrations are different....they celebrate the birth of Christ, but I don't believe any gifts of any sort are exchanged.

The only reason I'm bringing this up is that it may be harder than you think...and it may not just be Halloween that's affected. Of course, all this depends on whether I've got the right sect in my head as well, but if it is the JW I'm thinking of, they will not celebrate anything that puts the focus more on the holiday/person celebrated/etc. rather than the Lord. And, they play with things so that pretty much everything is eliminated, IMHO. For example, birthdays....one could look at it as the celebration of life granted by the Lord, but they take it as glorifying the person whose birthday is being celebrated.

If I have offended anyone, I apologize.
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Old 10-27-2008, 09:08 AM   #6
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I have always felt sorry of JW kids (the adults too really). Since they cannot celebrate anything they really have nothing to look forward to. Celebrations and holidays make life fun.
We are conservative Christians and we celebrate Halloween. A lot of families at our church do not participate in Halloween but quiet a few do. My dh and I think it is a blast. We live in the downtown area of a small town and most everyone goes all out. Dh and I both like taking the boys trick-or-treating so we take turns so we can hand out candy too. I usually take one side of our street and dh takes the other.
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Old 10-27-2008, 09:59 AM   #7
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I know...the last thing I wanted to do was to spark a debate...that was not the purpose *smiles*

I know how I feel on the matter, but long story short, my BFF is more important than any religion that could come between us, and I believe she feels the same way.... I have my feelings on it, but I keep them to myself, and vent DF wise (and here of course) to help me sort it all out in my head....

I hear what you are saying Miccisue...but I was thinking something arbitrary....for example, she suggested a pool party....(as she has a pool) that is not really celebrating anything...every year, I have our friends over for drinking games, but if she doesn't want to have part of alcohol anymore, then we can always make it a board game night....nothing being celebrated, we just have to modify....

The Halloween bit though...it makes me sad, cause I don't like X-mas (more to to with Retail and bowing to the all mighty dollar then it has to do with any god, but I am dead set against it...you will likely hear that rant in about a month or so *smiles*) I really do feel like someone cancelled X-mas. I really did enjoy spending halloween with my family of friends...and that is done...

I guess I can find another group to celebrate Halloween with...but still....
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Old 10-27-2008, 01:06 PM   #8
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Let's be very careful here.. we have members of all religions and cultures in KH.

This discussion was not intended to be about whether you believe in Halloween or not, but about how to handle Cryckets situation.
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Old 10-27-2008, 01:19 PM   #9
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Originally Posted by Jan in CA View Post
Let's be very careful here.. we have members of all religions and cultures in KH.

This discussion was not intended to be about whether you believe in Halloween or not, but about how to handle Cryckets situation.
Yes....well said...for sure...it is just for the purpose of me venting some confusion and frustraition....

I myself am a very non confrontational person. I like to be neutral when I can and open minded. I do have strong feelings for certain things, but that never dismisses the fact that other ppl may feel strongly against me. I always will agree to disagree, as I believe there really is no right or wrong when it comes to opinion....I am a true Libra at heart....I like balance...and harmony, even if that means setting aside my own feelings to find it....*smiles*

The nice thing about this board is that we all believe in the same religion, and that is Knitting...*smiles* It truely does fits the requirements, it helps sooth mind and soul, it helps you to believe in yourself, it is there for you whenever you need it...etc....
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Old 10-27-2008, 01:35 PM   #10
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It sounds like you are mourning the loss of a fun get-together that includes this close friend. People change and adopt new things into their lives. It can be a difficult adjustment for those involved. I applaud her for her courage, and she did seem to show her concern for you by her hesitant approach to telling you.

I would do the party with the other friends and plan to go to lunch or dinner with this friend. You can still have friends over to play cards and such, and the best part is that you don't need a holiday to base it around.

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