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Old 07-08-2009, 05:56 PM   #31
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Ok...

I think I have elivated some stress here...

I decided I was in too much stress to carry on this way...every time we have/had this conversation....

So I called her up and said, we have to hit this straight on....cause we are both getting unnessissarily upset...and I am talking to everyone but you about it...!

In the end, I told her it was a lot of money...

I said "setting EVERYTHING else aside...it is a lot of money."

She said that they would be able to help out, and I said, that DH was only willing to spend about $1000. She said that we probably couldn't get anywhere on that, but seemed to accept that.

In the end, I said that we really can't make any final decisions until she has more answers. I said I am willing to do some leg work on what we can do to get there...but she needs to find an actual cost, and we can talk about it then.

After what was a somewhat awkward, and difficult 1 hour convo, I think we did get some things cleared up...and I think we both felt better about it...

At least for now....

I think she now understands that it is a big finacial overload...but I think she now feels that I would make an effort to go...even if in the end I can't afford it...

*sigh*

Tough talk...but totally worth it for my Mental health!
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Old 07-08-2009, 06:23 PM   #32
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Good for you, it's a good start!
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Old 07-08-2009, 11:35 PM   #33
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That's so good. I was worried about you. It has to mean a lot to her that you do want to be with her and will see if there is a way to do it. You're so right, though...it really is a lot of money.
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Old 07-09-2009, 12:16 AM   #34
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I am wondering if she was just totally blocking on the money issue before, cause she seemed to think that it was a lot of money when we were talking...

Sort of like she was hearing it for the first time....even though I know it wasn't

I am not sure if this good vibe will last *please let it last* but man...it really did relieve a lot of tension...

Thanks for the concern...I totally felt like a rock and a hard place there. I mean...what do you do? For me, even if she was/is being unreasonable, or a bad friend, it doesn't mean I want to hurt her feelings...and I am glad we sort of at least skirted the issue!

Now...she mentioned (jokingly) wanting to Elope...I told her she really should (based on my wedding dramas)...that would make my life perfect!

Heres hoping!
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Old 07-09-2009, 08:41 AM   #35
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That's true progress when you start laughing about it together! It will all work out in time. You're a good friend.
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Old 07-09-2009, 09:34 AM   #36
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Crycket I can think of nothing worst than guilt-mail (black mail based on guilt) from a friend or loved one. If that is the only way to get someone to do what you want there is a problem with the request.

You seem to be working this out and keep talking to her hopefully you can remain friends.

A few thoughts came to mind as I read this.

Rather than fly could you take a train or as a lower choice a bus. I don't know what port the cruise leaves from but I assume the East Cost of the US. There is Amtrak service from Toronto to New York and from New York to Washington, DC, Charleston, Savannah, Jacksonville, Orlando, Tampa/Miami. This could get you most of the way with out flying. Rent a car in Orlando and drive to Miami (assuming this is the port the cruise leave from). Yes the train may take a couple of days versus a couple of hours by plane. But these days would be relaxing with your new husband watching the scenery and knitting.

As for your dear husband, if his problem with boats is sea sickness, have him talk to his doctor, there is a patch that is supposed to be very good for sea sickness. Put it on a few days before leaving and it works for the length of the cruise.

Please know that I do not disagree with your position! If I heard my bride to be talking to her best friend like this before my wedding (I'm been married for 31 years) I would have become very angry and had a long talk with her.

You must do what is right for you and your husband, once that is decided don't look back or second guess.
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Old 07-09-2009, 10:13 AM   #37
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LOL....guilt-mail....

It is so true!

I think no matter what...in the end, it will be too much money...and I was hoping that I left her with that impression...

Does that sound horrible? To tell her that I will do everything I can to see if I can go, but, know all the while that I probably won't be there....

DH is pretty firm....we won't spend more than $1000 total. And I am sure, no matter how you slice it, there is going to be no way we can get down there on that! DH also won't take any of her S*&t....but if there is an option...I don't even want to be a fly in the room for that convo!

Thank you too...we were trying to think of the name of the American train company....

She had opened up the last frustraiting convo with "well you wouldn't even come if we got married in Edmonton" (a few provinces over) because we would still have to fly to get in there...

I said "no, I could take a train"

She said,"a train would take a week, and cost just as much as the plane"

I said "no, my mom used to visit her dad in British Columbia (one province further over) and go for a March Break or so, there is no way it took a week!"

So we looked it up...it takes 2 days...No Problem...so I mention this and she says "Oh I give up, it isn't even an option, I just wanted to point out that you wouldn't come either way!"

I said the Edmonton trip would be so much better, I don't have to leave the country, It won't be hot, it can be reached easily by train, would not require me to be there for a full week, and even if it did, DH has family out there to visit (not to mention the worlds biggest mall is out there too!)

*sigh*...but again....that was before the "lets talk this out" convo!

She did tell me I can't live my life in a box though (in a nice way) and I said "yes I can!"....
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Old 07-09-2009, 10:34 AM   #38
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I forgot the heat issue. There is a product that uses absorbent crystals and cools by evaporation. Soak it in water and wear around the back of the next. As the blood flows to the head and back again the evaporation cools the blood and the rest of you.

One maker of these bandannas is here.

Soak the bandanna in a bowl of water until the crystals absorb the water, pull out and let it sit on a towel a few minutes to let the surface water to run off. Put around your neck and enjoy. I find they do work and if surface water is allowed to run off it does not drip.

If you have a couple one can be on you neck, one in the bowl for the next use and one just in case.
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Old 07-09-2009, 11:37 AM   #39
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I think I have heard of those before....it sounds familiar...thanks for the reminder...
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