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Old 04-28-2010, 03:21 PM   #31
Crycket
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Originally Posted by Sunshine's Mom View Post
Why doesn't she use the cruise as their honeymoon? She doesn't have to lose any money on the deal. If he's cool with his family being on his honeymoon, then let them go on vacation together.


LOL we talked about that! Her mom apparently pushed for it too! She is of the same mind...actually she even said "a girl gets married at home" Which was more about her getting married here in Toronto, rather than in Edmonton where all his family are from.

From my knowledge I think his family is covering their expense, So I am not sure that they have to worry about debt. I could be wrong, I really didn't ask.

@melmac51 - there is absolutely no guilt coming from her mother. She wants her daughter to have what ever she wants, but more so because of all the drama with the cancer. I think she is extra relieved that she is around to have a wedding in the first place. But she has pushed for everything but a wedding away, as it does really cut out the family aspect.

I found out the fast way that a wedding is not at all about the Bride, it is about everyone else! Especially family. The grandparents just want to see their grandkids married, and families have all sorts of reason to go, even if for some of them it is to just sit back and gossip but really...

Again...it is her day and she is intitled to have it any way she likes, but I know it is making it hard for me, and her mom was telling me it is causing a bit of a stir amongst relatives. I guess in the end, it really has to be about the bride and groom....but for me, it was more about trying to be a "good girl" amongst my relatives, especially since my sister disowned the large half of my family. Family my have its ups and downs, but I certainly feel more comfortable with them having my back.

To each their own. I wish it didn't have to feel like such a rock and a hard place.

I am having lunch with her on Monday..so maybe we can hash things out a bit. Even if it ends badly...maybe I can get some sleep!
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Old 04-30-2010, 12:43 PM   #32
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Thank you very much to newamy who sent me this link

http://www.cnn.com/2010/TRAVEL/04/30...ex.html?hpt=C2

I am not sure it has settled me stomach to much, but it certainly made me feel a little bit more at ease with my feelings...
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Old 04-30-2010, 01:44 PM   #33
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That was an interesting article. Not really a surprise though.

Last year my DD1, who lives in Wash. DC, was invited to go to her best from HS wedding in Hawaii. The bride was kind enough to tell her that while she'd love to have her there she'd completely understand if she couldn't make it. That's a true best friend.
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Old 04-30-2010, 03:07 PM   #34
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I would tell her that you would be HAPPY to have a hometown reception for them when they got back. She could wear her dress, have a cake, open presents, the whole 9 yards!!!

While she has reduced the costs, it sounds like she hasn't been hearing you at all. Would your husband be willing for you to put the "blame" all on him?? Would that take any guilt off you?

If she keeps calling and bugging you about it - even after you've explained.....I would buy an answering machine/caller ID, install it and then SCREEN YOUR CALLS!!!!!!!!! Don't pick up when you know it's her! Hopefully she'll get the idea.

HTH, knitcindy
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Old 04-30-2010, 03:08 PM   #35
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I agree with Jan. A true best friend is one who is understanding.
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Old 05-01-2010, 07:59 PM   #36
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When most people are up to their eyeballs in debt right now, I can't believe she expects you to do this. Even at the thousand dollars for the both of you, I would have to put it on a c.c. and that is ridiculous. Who wants to be more in debt with the economy like it is now?
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Old 05-02-2010, 10:58 AM   #37
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I'm sorry to say this Crycket, but your friend sounds incredibly selfish and self-centered to me. I understand that some of that has to do with the illness she's been enduring, but to expect people to A) use their vacation time and dollars for this wedding, B) be stuck on a cruise with a bunch of other people while the newlyweds indulge in each other, and C) accuse other people of not caring and of being selfish when her demands are unreasonable is going beyond the pale of what is acceptable for friends.

I would not want to accompany any couple on their honeymoon, especially if I had any sort of phobia about that sort of thing and her insisting, knowing this, is unreasonable.

Send a gift and let it go. She's the one who is not being "friendly".
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Old 05-02-2010, 11:01 AM   #38
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Well..I am seeing her tommorow (stay tuned) and I was hoping to put it to her this way...

"You see it as spending $2-$3000 on a vacation, I see it as spending $2-$3000 on a wedding" I want to see where she takes it from there...
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Old 05-02-2010, 03:33 PM   #39
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Originally Posted by Crycket View Post
"You see it as spending $2-$3000 on a vacation, I see it as spending $2-$3000 on a wedding" I want to see where she takes it from there...
I'm sorry that I sound kinda hateful here, but IMO that agrument will do no good. She sees only what/how she wants to see. If she could be convinced or be made to stand down, it would have happened by now. You can not change her selfish, narrow-minded ways. I still think that she's used to other's bending to her will. She will say/do whatever it takes to control you. You seem to have a tender heart. I believe that she's willing to hurt you with the guilt weapon. Bad combination. Go to your meeting with that knowledge. You know that you are right. Period. Stand your ground. No guilt.

You can't control her, but you can control you. Love, civility, standing your ground with a calm even voice will be yours.

Let us know how it goes.

We love you & want what is best (in our opinion) for you.

Edit: I've had to dissolve friendships before. It was a bit hard, but they were bad for me. It didn't take long for me to recover & recover I did. You can too.
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Old 05-02-2010, 04:22 PM   #40
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Originally Posted by Gertie View Post
>Maybe I should just go....<

No!! Sorry to say this since she's your friend, but she's being narrow minded & selfish. It seems that she's used to people giving in to her wishes. If you can't go then you can wish her well & look forward to seeing her pics when they return.
BINGO! Perfectly stated!

DO NOT . . .REPEAT . . DO NOT be emotionally blackmailed into giving in -to doing something you do not want to do, nor that your husband does not want to do, nor what you cannot afford to do.
End of discussion.
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