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Old 08-04-2010, 11:43 AM   #11
khaosx5
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I like the idea of the frame too...
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Old 08-04-2010, 02:13 PM   #12
luvmykid28
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My heart breaks to read of your friend's loss.
I lost my son 2 years ago on Aug 11. He lived only 5 hours. All I can suggest is that whenever you choose to give will be received with bitter sweet appreciation.

I have all the little cards and gifts in a box. I can't look at them. The one time I tried to look, I totally lost it. But I know that someday I will look in that box and I will be ever grateful for all the kindnesses that family, friends and strangers gave my family and me. Those are part of the memories I will have of him.

Honestly, one of the kindest gifts I received was from a very close friend. She offered to put away the baby room when I was ready. She returned things to the store that I didn't want to keep. She handled everything and I didn't have to explain to any part of my loss to the store associate.

Another thing you might do is knit some hats or blankets and donate them to the hospital where the baby was born in his or her honor. I started a charity and donate items on my son's birthday. This is a way to put a "positive" to the memory of the lost baby. You don't have to show the FOs to your friend (it will be too difficult for her to see), but tell her about it. Or better yet, put it in a card.

The best thing you can do is just be there for her if she or her family needs something. I can't even begin to tell you how long this will last. I still deal with my loss everyday.
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Old 08-04-2010, 02:32 PM   #13
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Thank you luvmykid28,

That is really touching...and some really great ideas! It is so hard to know what to do.

I am sorry for your loss, but really appreciative to have some insight on how best to show my respect.

Thank you for sharing.
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Old 08-04-2010, 06:30 PM   #14
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I would make a donation to March of Dimes (or another favorite charity) in the baby's name. I suggest March of Dimes because they fund research on birth defects and preemies.
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Old 08-04-2010, 07:31 PM   #15
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Tough call, but I think that a handmade gift in the baby's name would be too hard for them to see. They will need to eventually let go of the one who is no more, except in their hearts, and they need to get on with their lives. Lingering in the past is never good....no matter for what reason.

I am a Buddhist (and a mother of grownups now) and the Buddhist teachings are all about not clinging, of letting go, living in the now. Perhaps their own spiritual beliefs will help them.

Meanwhile a donation to March of Dimes sounds like a good idea...as well as your personal presence if they need or want it.
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Old 08-04-2010, 11:04 PM   #16
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I just got a note that there is a charity in the babys name at Sick Kids Hospital.

"In lieu of flowers, we ask that a donation be made in Isaiah's name to Sick Kids Hospital. To make a donation, please go to the following link:
https://secure.e2rm.com/registrant/M...LangPref=en-CA.
You can search the fund by name: Isaiah Anthony Stephens Memorial Fund. There is... no limit as to how much you can donate."
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Old 08-05-2010, 10:08 PM   #17
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I lost my granddaughter 6 years ago after being here on earth for 35 days. She was a preemie and was progressing well, but contracted meningitis in her 3rd week of life. I held her twice...once when she was thriving I held her for almost 2 hours of "kangaroo care." Those 2 hours seemed like 5 minutes. The next time I held her was after she was taken off life support. We had 4 hours with her with no tubes or IV's. We bathed her and dressed her in a pretty little dress and smothered her in kisses and hugs until God took her. Every minute or so she would sort of take a breath and "pink up" and in my mind I thought, "she's gonna be OK." But, unfortuneately we lost her that day and I still think about her every single day. A friend of mine at work had a scrapbook made from all of things from the hospital (armband, etc) and pictures from the day she was born until the end. My daughter treasures this book as much as I do. Emma was our little butterfly and she'll never be forgotten.
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