Am I Over Reacting?

[Crycket]

I think your cousin is being rude.

I think it is rude to expect everyone to come bring you gifts just cause you are getting married/having a baby/moving into a new house etc. So when someone goes out of their way to give you something, it is pleasant unexpected gesture, not an expected demand of a gift.

I know that there are people who really appreciate handmade gifts, those who are indifferent, and those who don't like them at all (my SIL is that way, but was nice enough to say "I don't really wear knitted things, I will let you know if I need something"). But for someone to just sit back and critize, is disrespectful. IMHO of course...*smiles*

[Antares]

I agree with most posters here: she's being tactless--okay, RUDE!

If she does give it back to you to "fix," I would politely tell her that you'll give it to someone else. Then, I'd be done with it!

I'm sorry if that sounds mean, but I've learned this lesson the hard way: Only make gifts for people who appreciate them.

[KathleenG]

I thought that the Amish deliberately make a mistake to show that they are not perfect, that only God is perfect.

[Jan in CA]

I thought that the Amish deliberately make a mistake to show that they are not perfect, that only God is perfect.

That's what I heard, too. Either way though they leave a "mistake" on purpose.

[Debkcs]

She is being rude. If it bothers her that much, she can crochet or buy a little flower for it, and stick it on.

Or just tell her you're joining an Old Amish order, and won't be speaking to 'the English'.

[kellyh57]

Oh it is the perfect thing. Someone else said the thing about letting you know it's handmade. I always get my little old tales wrong!

[Sunshine's Mom]

I agree with both Breezed and kellyh57. My husband thinks the mistakes are charming and let people know that it was made by me especially for them.

I also like the idea of asking her to give it to charity if she doesn't like it. That should shut her up.

By the way, is this her first baby? I don't have children myself but I understand that one little purl stitch on a warm baby hat won't make a bit of difference in her life once she's just trying to keep the baby clean, fed, warm and happy. She's a bit ego-centric at the moment and that's all about to change in a big way for her.

Laugh this off and don't fix it. If she doesn't like your "signature" pieces there are plenty of others who will.

[wellslipmystitches]

My Dear, I wonder, like Sunshine's mom, if this is a first baby for your cousin? If all that concerns her in the last weeks of her pregnancy is looking for other people's tiny mistakes in a gift given with the best intentions, a gift that will no doubt be graced with every possible body fluid and relegated to the "doesn't fit bag" in a month or so. Wow, this lady needs a big reality check!

However, you asked about your reaction. Well, that's a very personal thing; it's YOUR reaction. It's what it is! Obviously you gave the gift and you're suffering with all sorts of feelings - hurt ones - if I read you correctly.

If's and maybe's are just like coulda, woulda, shouldas. There are zillions of those in the past (I know I've had lots), but you're in the now. So what will it take to make you feel better and resolve the issue? (These days I just consider, DO I REALLY GIVE A RAT'S HINDQUARTERS IF SHE SHOWS UP AT MY FUNERAL?!!!)

I'm thinking, IT'S A STITCH FOR THE LUVVA MIKE!!! You don't want to hear the rest.

I wonder if your cousin "you're not very close to" is a knitter and maybe thinks you gave her a reject because you don't care that much? Who knows? Maybe she has hurt feelings too.

I know I wouldn't swim in these feelings for long. I'd call her and tell her I had no idea there was a mistake. I'm a much better knitter than that and ask, "How can I fix it?" I'd go with that.

Then I'd sit back and contemplate (only in my mind of course) how much I'd love to send her husband a sympathy card on their anniversary. After all he's the poor schlump married to a perfectionist. Think he'll ever be happy?

Then the poster who suggested sticking something. Perhaps I'd consider something like that but not as nicely as Debkcs did. I'll think whatever it takes to make me smile. Oh my, I should never get started, but then - can't be arrested for our thoughts. . . . as long as they're not in our computer history. Oh damn! I did it again. There's another one of my shoulda, coulda, woulda's wasted!
Jean
P.S. When I give a gift I've knitted I always tell the "givee" that I've made the gift especially for them - it's probably flawed (just like me) and unique (just like you) and that makes it unlike any other in the world. I've never had a problem like yours.

[flhusker]

I kind of agree it was really shallow of her. Yes I prefer to give things that I make perfect but we all make mistakes - that is what makes it uniquely from us. A hand made gift is always the best in my opinion.

My husband has a Aunt when we were young and having our children and she loved to crochet. The only problem was that everything was always crooked. We would always gratiously thank her for the gift and then later - much, much later I would unravel the item and use the yarn for something else.

I think it very poor taste for your cousin to do this.

flhusker

[kmaclean]

I wonder if your cousin "you're not very close to" is a knitter and maybe thinks you gave her a reject because you don't care that much? Who knows? Maybe she has hurt feelings too.

P.S. When I give a gift I've knitted I always tell the "givee" that I've made the gift especially for them - it's probably flawed (just like me) and unique (just like you) and that makes it unlike any other in the world. I've never had a problem like yours.

She is certainly not a knitter ... in fact, I doubt she has ever made anything by hand and probably has no idea what kind of time and work goes into these sorts of things.

I suppose it's possible that her feelings were hurt ... but knowing her as well as I do, I feel like it is much more likely that this was her way of throwing my mistake in my face and garnering some attention for herself among our other family members who perhaps don't see through her behaviour quite as well as I do.

I love your explanation of how your knitted items are usually flawed and unique and therefore made especially for someone! This probably wouldn't have worked on this particular cousin, but I will certainly remember it in the future!