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Old 02-20-2011, 06:36 PM   #1
wellslipmystitches
Knitting the Flap
 
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I'm sick of February so how about a new laugh line?
The following are just an attempt to get over a month that should be wiped off the calendar. Good thing it's only 28 days. Couldn't stand much more.
I think it's time for some laughs. This will be definitely off topic, off track, off kilter and anything else that's off. By all means chime in with whatever grinds your beans. Still have half of Feb. to endure.

First some thoughts to ponder.

EVER WONDER . . . .

Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Why is 'abbreviated' such a long word?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor and dish washing liquid made with real lemons?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?

Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?

Why do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?

You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff?

If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

. . . and just one more of these. Only in America do banks leave all their doors open and chain their pens to the counters.

Then one for the guys: A married couple were driving their horse and buggy to a town event. The horse shied and bucked on the trail and the husband got out - got the buggy back on the trail and admonished the horse - "THAT'S ONE!".

He got back in the buggy and continued on their way. The horse shied again and ran off the trail. The husband got out, pushed the buggy back on the trail and waved his finger at the horse and said, "THAT'S TWO!"

After driving for a while the poor, frightened, uncontrollable horse shied and pulled the buggy into a deep cut on the roadside. The man got out, said, "THAT'S THREE" and with his gun, shot the horse!

His wife was terribly upset - got out of the buggy and said, "Oh, dear, the horse was just frightened! You didn't have to shoot it! Now, what will we do to get back home?!! I've never seen you do such a heartless thing!"

The husband replied . . . "THAT'S ONE!!

O.K. I've got more and better ones - I bet you do too - so join in. Jean
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