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Old 12-08-2011, 02:47 PM   #11
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I wouldn't say that the situation is reversed: certainly I find myself and my female friends facing a lot of this behavior from men - both older generations and my own age... and even younger guys!, merely that women are ALSO gaslighting men.

On the whole I think the point here is twofold:
We need to - all of us! - be more sensitive to the ways in which we use words to manipulate others and not use that manipulation in a harmful way.

We also need to - all of us! - be less sensitive about people being people. Just because someone finds a joke funny when it brings up a stereotype, doesn't mean that the person is sexist, racist, etc... they only have to be aware of the stereotypes. In fact, those sorts of jokes are often funniest when you are aware that the stereotype is there, but rarely holds true! And stereotypes happen. Our brains are programmed to generalize.
The same is true of emotional expression. Men and women feel and express emotions in different ways. Individuals feel and express emotions in different ways. Instead of trying to force everyone to be PC (which in my opinion often leads to a situation where the formerly disadvantaged come to feel entitled and get belligerent when they are treated as equals instead of being given preferential treatment) can we all please just try to lighten up? Keep an open mind instead of getting self-righteous when people don't act and speak and look exactly the same way we do?
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Old 12-08-2011, 04:11 PM   #12
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Jess_hawk, thanks for helping me understand what my daughter was trying to get across. I'm truly afraid that I may have hit that stereotypical age where we start to see things through one somewhat myopic lens. Walk uphill to and from school, barefoot & in the snow with me, anyone??


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Old 12-08-2011, 08:32 PM   #13
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My Mom is the Queen of Gaslighting! I'm surprised that over the 44 years that I have known her I haven't died of gas fumes!
My husband on the other hand has never used this technique, thankfully. But, I have plenty of friends whose husbands do.
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Old 12-14-2011, 10:22 PM   #14
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Very interesting article. I too was glad to read it. It's good that he explained but didn't grovel for being male. Somehow men have heard that what they're doing isn't how it should be but haven't had anyone really teach them what to do differently, at least that's my take. Maybe it's because society in general hasn't figured it out.

Yes, Charlotte, women do it too. What I find most disturbing is that it's done to children, both boys and girls, by moms and dads. They're told to suck it up, there's nothing to cry about, etc., then will do the same when they are adults.

I looked up the word hysterical at and found:

Word Origin & History

1610s, from L. hystericus "of the womb," from Gk. hysterikos "of the womb, suffering in the womb," from hystera "womb" (see uterus). Originally defined as a neurotic condition peculiar to women and thought to be caused by a dysfunction of the uterus. Meaning "very funny"
Online Etymology Dictionary, 2010 Douglas Harper
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Medical Dictionary

The idea that women are less than is very deeply rooted.

Thanks for posting this, Jan.
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