What to do?

Antares · 02-01-2013, 10:02 AM

We recently received an "invitation" from some relatives to "save the date" for their wedding renewal ceremony. I'm not up on all the latest wedding fru-fru (never have been and not gonna start now), but is this a normal thing for couples to have? And are we supposed to send a gift?

I thought a renewal of vows were for people who were having a rocky marriage and wanted to recommit to each other. This couple isn't having any rockiness, so what's with this anyway--just a chance to throw a party for themselves and get presents?

We have a previous engagement, so we can't attend, but meanwhile I'm finding this a strange thing to ask of friends and relatives.

GrumpyGramma · 02-01-2013, 06:48 PM

What's normal? My DD and SIL were married by a judge and for their 10th anniversary had a big wedding--with the two kids involved. It was really cool. My sister and her DH renewed their vows at some point, I can't remember which year for them, but it was a much smaller do. There weren't presents at either of these. For whatever reason, it might be that they want a big party, they've chosen this way to commemorate their marriage. Do I understand it? Nope. My idea of the perfect wedding would be a very small number of people involved and low key.

Jan in CA · 02-01-2013, 07:31 PM

Unless this couple is in the habit of throwing themselves parties and expecting gifts I see no reason to consider this a negative.

Renewals aren't uncommon. I've never heard of one being used for a rocky marriage. They are normally just done as a recommitment and many people do them on their 10th, 25th or some other one considered significant to them.

IMO you don't need to send a gift. If you feel you need to maybe a gift card to a nice dinner they can share. I would send a card congratulating them on 10 or 25 (whatever) years.

Antares · 02-02-2013, 01:37 AM

Ahhh . . . okay. That's good to know, Jan and GG. I guess I'm just not very familiar with this kind of thing.

They might get a card. I'll have to see if I can find a suitable one.

Thankfully, though, we have a family reunion to go to, so we're off the hook as far as attendance goes! Whew!

salmonmac · 02-02-2013, 01:43 PM

Or just write a note. I don't think this calls for a present either. Just a nice way to celebrate an anniversary with friends and family.

GrumpyGramma · 02-02-2013, 07:20 PM

Most marriages these days don't seem to last long enough to plan something like this. It is a nice way to commemorate stubborn stick-to-itiveness. That's one of the main qualities I see in people who stay married for years and years. How long have they been married?

Antares · 02-02-2013, 08:24 PM

If I were guessing, I would say it's probably their 10 year anniversary, so let's just say they have some "stick-to-itiveness," but they haven't demonstrated tons of it just yet. All the same, we'll send a nice chatty card wishing them the best.

BTW: They love to travel, so DH seems to think that this is just an excuse to go on another honeymoon!

He could be right! If one needs an excuse, any ol' one will do!