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Old 06-28-2007, 06:27 PM   #41
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I know it's heartbreaking as you put it, but at least she did admit and she said she needs counseling. I think that is a major positive sign. I recommend you get on that with her right away. I will PM you further info on that.

You know you CAN do things to your computer to keep her from being able to do those things. For one thing, make her account a non-administrative one so that she cannot even install programs without your knowledge. Also, you could have keystroke logging programs which will show you EVERYTHING she types. That's the type of things which employers use and they run in the background and the person cannot even tell it's there by looking in the programs folder.

Those are just SOME things which I believe would be good for any parent to have on their computers. You never know if your child could be lured into something even if it weren't their own idea.

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Old 06-28-2007, 06:34 PM   #42
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I've been following your story for awhile. I forget how old you said your daughter was, but for what it's worth...I was a rebellious teenager. It was very hard on my parents. I'm 29 now so I can look back on those times and somewhat remember how I felt, and at the same time see how difficult it was for my parents. For what it's worth, teenagers don't do these things to jeopardize their future relationships with their parents. I never really thought about how it made my parents feel. I know it hurt them, but all I thought about was how their rules made me feel. I started sneaking out at night, I had sex, I skipped school. I'm sure none of those things I just told you make you feel any better. I did not grow up in a Christian background but I'm not sure it would have changed anything. When I got to college it was all the girls with the strict Christian upbringings that rebelled then...they were all just waiting to get away from their parents to do it. I didn't have the interent when I was a teenager, I'm sure that the internet makes being a parent to a teenager a thousand times more difficult. Have you ever thought that maybe she doesn't feel like she should have to obey the rule of no myspace or facebook because of how active you are on a community type of site. In her mind she would probably see it as one and the same and feel like it's unfair. That's probably how I would have seen it when I was a teenager. I'm sure she probably feels even safer when she's on there because there are saftey features to unviewable accounts and such...but there are none here. Most times I never log in to view any of the boards here and I find tons of personal information from all the people here...all grown ups...and all feeling relatively safe because of the great community here. Yet anyone can join, and anyone can read offline. Anyway, that's not the point. The point is that she wants you to love her, but she also wants to try making some of her own decisions in her life. If she were my daughter I wouldn't take everything away from her. Taking everything away would push her to hate you and rebel further. I think the Christian counselor is a good idea to help improve her relationship with God. And I think that if she were my daughter I would work together on some of the rules. Especially with myspace and facebook...can you come to some sort of compromise? You don't want to lose your daughter forever. You don't want her itching to turn 18 so that she can leave do you? But you don't want her unsafe either...there has to be a way to work it out so that she is neither unsafe, nor rebelling to the point where she is unsafe as well. I feel for you, I really do. My parents had it so hard until I got into my 20s. Things will get better.
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Old 06-28-2007, 06:36 PM   #43
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Sweetie I am SO sorry to read this. I had hoped things would go well for you.

I have to say I feel she is being very unreasonable saying she is angry at you. I can't understand it, you've given nothing but unconditional love and support along with the benefit of the doubt and she's angry with you! I'm not surprised your heart is broken. At the age she is now and the comforts she does have she needs to think herself lucky a lot of people don't have the support she does, or the comfort of faith.

I hope she comes to her senses and realizes what a loving Mother she has in you and I'm very sorry but I feel so angry that's she's taking you for granted.

I hope things get better, in the mean time what happens about about football?
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Old 06-28-2007, 06:37 PM   #44
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I don't have any advice for you, but I do hope everything works out for you and your daughter!
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Old 06-28-2007, 06:47 PM   #45
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Just some quick advice...if the computer was located in a central place, this could help too...

No computer in her room, no laptop wandering all over the house.

Kids are less likely to go to websites they shouldn't when the computer is in the family room, right where Mom and Dad can see it all...

Good luck!
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Old 06-28-2007, 06:50 PM   #46
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My oldest DD has a Bebo account which I check regularly. I also check all of her "friends" pages to see if they aren't giving out too much info.

Her argument was that she was an American and that America had a little thing called The Constitution, and according to the first amendment, she had a right to express herself if she caused no one else any harm. I could not argue with her because I can't tell her she has to be 18 to enjoy the rights and freedoms of all Amercans.

All I can do is keep a close watch on her account to try and keep her safe.
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Old 06-28-2007, 07:10 PM   #47
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Here are more of my thoughts that I couldn't get out earlier because I had to rush off to dinner...

Along the Christianity thing, one thing that struck me was what some of you said about her rebelling against it. I'm not so sure that this is what she is doing. I don't think that most people are born with the desire to live a Christian life. That decision does not come easy to most people.

What I believe she is doing is feeling her way through her teenage life. This is the time when teens are starting to formulate the basis for their beliefs. I cannot do my part as a Christian mom if I don't guide her toward Christian principles and a Christian lifestyle. I know that I will not be able to "force" anything on her, just as God does not force us to choose Him. She might choose to stray from these teachings or totally reject them. If this happens, I will probably be devastated. Ultimately, I trust in God's plan for her life.

Oh, and I know full well that many kids, regardless of their upbringing, rebel (or go wild) in college with all of the new-found freedom. My hope that she will remember her foundation and return to it. There is a promise given in the Bible, "Bring up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it." Even the prodigal son went home eventually.

We, as parents, are laying foundations for our kids. What foundations are we giving them? All of this trouble with her reminds me of how important it is to lay a solid foundation.

Oh, and at dinner tonight, dh mentioned to her a soccer camp that her best friend is going to in. My dd has been invited to go. I'm like . Are you kidding me???
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Old 06-28-2007, 07:21 PM   #48
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Just thought I should explain about the computer...

She has been using MY computer, which is located in our extra bedroom. She was using my computer when I was at work. I go in early, work part-time, and am home right after lunch. Kids are always asleep when I leave and have usually been up for only about three hours when I get home.

Both of my kids have laptops. We took her's away as part of the summer restriction (remember my other thread on parenting?). I hid the battery and the power supply. My son keeps his laptop in his bedroom but pulls it out into the family room when he goes on the internet. That is a very strict rule, and I've heard them tell their friends about it, so friends are always gathered around our large dining room table.

The reason why my computer is in the bedroom is because I'm the only one who uses it since they have their laptops, and we have a wireless network in the house. I've since put passwords on my computer and will probably go ahead and put passwords on the kids' computers too.

Now, what I could probably do is limit internet access during the day through the router. I think I saw a setting somewhere. I do have options.

I just hate that I can't trust her, though. She's 15 years old! The State of Florida thinks she's mature enough to operate a vehicle, with parental guidance. Why can't I trust her?! Aaarrrggghhh!!! What a mess.

Hey, have I told y'all how totally WONDERFUL you are? You continue to let me cry on your shoulders. I have cried so much today, but it really helps knowing you are here for me. I'm sorry to be a whiner. I can only hope that by sharing our struggles (by the way, thank you for sharing yours'!), that we can learn from each other.

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Old 06-28-2007, 07:26 PM   #49
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Old 06-28-2007, 07:46 PM   #50
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Auburnchick - I haven't finished reading through this thread yet, and I plan to in a sec, so I may have more to add, but one thing you posted just really jumped out at me:

Now, I know that there are many people who aren't Christians who make good decisions. In my daughter's case, though, I just don't think she can do it without God. She knows what she needs to do, she just won't (or can't) do it.
Maybe your daughter knows you feel this way about her, and this is what has created her anger issues - we all need to be trusted (and YES absolutely that has to be earned), but as some suggested, maybe she won't end up taking on your faith, and maybe she's formed the opinion that without her 'believing in God', that you believe she is doomed to be a failure. Trust and Faith are very different things, and maybe you need to extend your faith to your daughter as well. She is still learning afterall, and while you want to protect her, learning can only come from making mistakes, and sometimes these mistakes, yes, can be horrendous, but they are her mistakes to make, not yours, and no amount of intervention can stop some people from learning in this way (and just an aside, maybe you need to trust that whatever path God has put her on, it is for a reason, she may just need to be experience this for a very important lesson that God is sending her way)

My thoughts are definately with you though through this setback, and I'm gonna keep reading the thread.

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