Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 07-09-2007, 12:33 PM   #1
mrspotter-tru
Ribbing the Cuff
 
mrspotter-tru's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Northwest
Posts: 93
Thanks: 0
Thanked 7 Times in 7 Posts
Advice Needed! Please Help!
My 15 year old step son has been living with us for the last 2 years. He has become an integral part of our lives. He has been doing great in school, has a ton of friends, and even had a great girlfriend. When he came here, we told him, try it out for a year. If you want to go back to Idaho, great. If you want to stay, then that's it. You stay until you graduate. He is in Idaho right now, and he wants to move back to Idaho. He says that he misses Idaho beyond belief, he wants to move back really bad, and he knows about the deal he made with us, but his sadness is overwhelming. So what do I do? Let him go back on his deal, leave us, but know that he is going to be happy, or make him stick to his deal, but know that he is going to be miserable. What kind of choice is that?

I talk to his mom on Friday, and she was really shocked. She told me and he told me too, that if he moved to Idaho again, then that would be it. Then I asked Wendy, what would you do if Scott said that he misses Oregon and wants to go back. She said "I would tell him too bad, so sad." Why would my answer be any different?

The only caveat is that we don't have legal custody, Wendy never did the paper work.

Please help.
__________________
This is my signature. Neat, uh?
mrspotter-tru is offline   Reply With Quote

 

This advertising will not be shown to registered members. Join our free online community today!

Old 07-09-2007, 12:50 PM   #2
debb
Knitting the Flap
 
debb's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: SoCal
Posts: 370
Thanks: 45
Thanked 126 Times in 77 Posts
any chance for a group meeting with all involved? maybe make a list or pros/cons and discuss reasons. there could be something that triggered this idea and it could just be temporary.
debb is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-09-2007, 12:55 PM   #3
suzeeq
Knit On!
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Montana
Posts: 27,765
Thanks: 160
Thanked 6,451 Times in 6,035 Posts
Send a message via Yahoo to suzeeq
That's true, teenagers change their mind every other week, if not more often. Maybe he met a girl and doesn't want to leave her? I'd say give it a couple weeks without bringing up the subject, then see what he says. If he still wants to stay in ID, then a discussion with all parties ought to take place, with more information as to why he wants to stay and no pressure for one or the other.
__________________
sue- knitting heretic

suzeeq is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-09-2007, 01:04 PM   #4
newamy
Working the Gusset
 
newamy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Oregon
Posts: 1,079
Thanks: 464
Thanked 257 Times in 222 Posts
This is not something I have personal experience with. Does he visit Idaho every summer? My friend's stepson is with them all school year (incidently in Idaho) but during summers goes to Tennesee to be with his mom. The whole family is very pleased with this arrangement. He graduates next year and plans to attend college in Tennesee, so maybe that's his way of balancing things out.
I do think kids should stick to an agreement- it's good training. Unless there are true extenuating circumstances like an emergency or huge conflict. Sounds like his home with you is great, so he should stick to that. If his mom uses the custody issue then I guess you are stuck.
__________________
May Peace Prevail on Earth.



I'm newamy on
newamy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-09-2007, 01:11 PM   #5
Chel
Turning the Heel
 
Chel's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Maryland USA
Posts: 827
Thanks: 88
Thanked 119 Times in 67 Posts
I don't think there is an easy answer to this.

Before any decision making would take place my questions would be how was he in Idaho? Were grades teh same as they are now? Was he ever in any trouble? If he is doing better now then I would make the decision and make sure he knows why. At 15, you have to consider the fact that while you see him as still a child-he sees himself as a man and capable of making adult decisions. If his grades are fine and his reasons are sound I would let him move back but do it clearly stating that its hard for you to let him go and you want the best for him and thats why you let him go. And then despite Wendy's attitude I would make it clear that you are there to support him.

If his grades fall back in Idaho, or if he starts slipping in other area of his life I would haul him back. THe freedom to make adult decisions demands those decisions be carried out with adult responsibility.

Good luck!!!!
__________________
*~Chel~*

OTN: Jaywalkers (hibernating), Webs Scarf
KnitInNature
Chel is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-09-2007, 01:18 PM   #6
Carla1019
Knitting the Flap
 
Carla1019's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Arkansas
Posts: 448
Thanks: 30
Thanked 25 Times in 19 Posts
I agree with both newamy and Suzeeq.. yes it is good training for the them to stick to an agreement BUT on the other hand they change their mind every other week. (I have a 14 yo Girl)

Talk to him, I would let him know that you won't hold him to his end of the deal, That you are still here for him if he want to come back home.

Give it a week or two to see what happe . Maybe the closer to school starting up he will start to miss his friends and want to came back home.

I would give him time.. and to let him know you understand how it is to make up your mind at the age of 15.
__________________
I am "carla1019" At Raverly.
Carla1019 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-09-2007, 01:30 PM   #7
KnitClickChick
Turning the Heel
 
KnitClickChick's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: In my own little world
Posts: 606
Thanks: 146
Thanked 140 Times in 103 Posts
I don't have any experience with teenagers, but I agree with what has been said already. Maybe you, step son, mother and father can all get together and talk about it. Maybe something has happened recently to make him want to go back to Idaho, and the issue can be resolved. Personally, I would not him to the deal that was made. If he feels he would be happier in Idaho, I would let him go. I think at 15 he is old enough to know where he would be happier and most comfortable. Let him know that he is free to make whatever decision he feels is best for himself, and that you support him no matter what he chooses. Good luck!!
__________________
I knit, therefore, I smile

Wish List
Clapotis
Another felted bag
Mrs. Beetons Wristwarmers

On The Needles:
Silver's Palindrome Scarf - in Patons SWS Natural Pink
Feather and Fan Shawl - in Estelle Cadenza
KnitClickChick is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-09-2007, 02:24 PM   #8
debinoz
Turning the Heel
 
debinoz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: oz, kansas
Posts: 870
Thanks: 147
Thanked 158 Times in 146 Posts
I think that he's feeling the homesickness because he is actually there, in Idaho, with all his memories. After being in Idaho for a while, it will probably turn and he'll be homesick for your place. Kids are pretty changeable and usually only look at what's in front of them, not what's a year or two down the line.

I think before I'd agree to letting him go back, I'd get the mother to agree to letting him come back if he felt the need. Not much can be worse on a kid than thinking they are stuck in a situation they can't get out of if need be.
__________________
~~Debi~~
debinoz is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
100% OT advice needed ecb The Lounge 20 09-27-2007 02:57 AM
DPN advice needed snowbear General Knitting 9 06-28-2007 09:20 AM
Some advice needed! Zebragirlnz How-to Questions 5 06-24-2007 02:21 AM
OT--advice needed 1knittychick General Knitting 2 06-02-2007 06:12 PM
Some advice needed Jenelle General Knitting 18 03-10-2006 11:20 PM

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 03:15 AM.