Originally Posted by knit.newbie
and I'm considering counseling for myself since so many ppl suggested it here..but I don't know..I'm just not comfortable with talking to people about my problems(face to face that is..over the internet it's different though)
It's very easy to pour our hearts out over the internet, isn't it?
Even though we kind of "know" each other, there's a certain amount of anonimity. However, I truly believe that, in order to grow, we must be comfortable facing tough issues "out in the open," so to speak. I've told my three daughter that "there's nothing so bad you can't tell me" and HAVE THEY TOLD ME! OMG! But, you know, I'd rather it be that way than to have them be afraid.
With that said, I really believe that talking with someone is a great step forward. It's quite liberating to be able to pour out stuff to a totally objective party, someone who's been trained to deal with the big issues. There HAS to be someone at school to talk with, right? I'd do it and do it soon because you've got some major big issues to deal with and who the heck wants to deal with them alone, huh?
I'm very sad for the fact that your parents seem to be unwilling or unable to embrace who YOU are, without the whole cultural issue taking a front seat. I think that, as an American and a woman, it's really really hard for me to accept the whole "woman's place" thing. I grew up in a family of three daughters and we were never told we were loved and we were never encouraged to be anything more than a wife and mother because we were women. That was soooooooo hard and still has a hold on me and my sisters to this day (I'm 48). I was determined that my 3 daughters would always know they were loved and supported and, even though they've made some crazy decisions in their lives (21, 23 and 25), the important thing is that they made them.
Unfortunately, many people refuse to accept that the world is changing and what "worked" for them "back in the day" won't necessarily work NOW in 2007. It's a different world and things will never get better until we start accepting each other for who we ARE as human beings.
Oh - can I say this in love? - YOU will not give your father a heart attack. His HEALTH ISSUES will give him a heart attack. His DIET will give him a heart attack. His ability to deal with stress or NOT deal with stress will give him a heart attack. I would like you to please try to let that go because it'll hold you hostage if you don't. Many parents will use the old "What did I do to deserve THIS?" stuff and will keep saying that to us until we start believing that it's all our fault. Been there, done that, wore the shirt out..... But guess what? It's NOT your fault!!!!!! I repeat - It's NOT your fault!!!
Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, I need to stop now. My "momma tiger" is coming out!
Keep us posted. And, of course, we're all here for ya!