I need to make some changes

[spectorkitty]

I'm fat. I've gained a lot of weight and it seems I am unable, or unwilling to do anything about it. I'm uncomfortable and angry with myself but don't seem to have the willpower or strength to change it. I did Weight Watchers a few years ago and lost weight but can't seem to bring myself to try again.

I am out of shape, walking too much or any activity really winds me and tires me out. I don't want to walk around naked in front of my boyfriend and I used to all the time! He loves me for me, but says he will support me in any way he can if I want to lose weight.

I also smoke and am terrified of quitting. I quit once for five years but started again after separating from my ex. I get sweaty palms thinking of quitting now.

I don't know why I'm writing this, I don't know what I'm asking exactly. I don't know I'm so scared to try to change things.

Maybe I just need suggestions? Or someone to tell me it's ok to be fat and smoke. haha, just kidding.