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Old 10-24-2010, 09:45 PM   #21
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Everyone has made wonderful replies to you, Michaela! Esp Chris.

Chris, I LOVE the picture!
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Old 10-26-2010, 09:00 PM   #22
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I am confused by this most recent post, I thought he was already gone and now you are talking to him? It is hard to let go. But Cancun shows great wisdom and values and you need to find someone like him. Don't waffle over someone who has already disappointed you.

I have a friend who always has to have a guy around, steady guy all through college who was more invested in her than she in him unfortunately. Dropped him for another guy after college who seemed very romantic but actually was a manipulative control freak. One would think she would want a break, but in spite of it all she was dating with in 6 month of him leaving her. She was so lonely. Dated a few guys, then met a nice one and married him. He is nicer than her first husband, but it is concerning that she can't be happy on her own by herself. So my advice is make sure when you are alone you are happy and are great company for yourself.
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Old 11-23-2010, 08:20 AM   #23
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On the flip side, I got married at 20. What a huge mistake. I had a lot of fun in my late teens and I guess I felt ready, but even then I knew it was a mistake. We got divorced when I was 22/23. I think sometimes we spend too much time stressing out about finding The One. I think it may be better to enjoy life, and just see what happens.
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Old 11-23-2010, 05:31 PM   #24
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Sir, You cut a fine figure in your kilt. What is the house name of your tartan? I don't know much about it but am always interested in the history of such things.

More important, your words to Michaele. Sensitive, caring and right on target to a young person trying to find her bliss.


I can't help but recall a very old metaphor for happiness which all try to find. Sorry, I can't give attribution, but it goes something like this:

A puppy sees his tail wagging when he's happy, so he chases it in unending circles to capture that happiness. He can't achieve it, without an occasional, painful bite and is continually disappointed.

The grown and wiser dog knows that if you just go forward, explore your talents and live your life, instead of tearing around in circlesó like the dog's tail, happiness will follow right along behind you,

Thanks for your words from a male's perspective.
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Old 11-23-2010, 11:05 PM   #25
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Originally Posted by wellslipmystitches View Post
Sir, You cut a fine figure in your kilt. What is the house name of your tartan? I don't know much about it but am always interested in the history of such things.
The tartan is Scottish National, from USAKilts. It is a polyester rayon material so it can be machine washed.
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Old 11-24-2010, 08:19 AM   #26
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I got married at 28. When I found my hubby, I was 24, and out of the relationship that I would have been divorced from by now if I had stayed in. We waited 5 years before we got married...and we slept together the on the second date.

Everybody is different, when I met my now hubby, I wasn't interested in anyone...I had just gotten out of a relationship from hell, and I didn't realize it was hell until I was out of it. I agree with everyone here that says that we are not the same person at 20 as we are later on!

I also feel that, we are going to do what we are going to do. No regrets. The problem is, if we had a time machine to go back and do it all again, we would choose to do the same thing every time, because that is the mind set we were in at the time we made those choices. Hind sight is 20/20. And I do truely believe that the best time to find someone is when we are truely not looking. *smiles*
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Old 11-29-2010, 04:45 AM   #27
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Im only 4 years younger than you (16 yr old high school junior), and your post reminded me of a few questions I was trying to sort out a few years ago.

I went through a very bad time a few years ago. I wanted to feel loved, and since I couldnt find that from my family (a never-present father and a mother who was paranoid-depressed at the time), I turned to friends. I was always very awkward, and making quality friends was always difficult. I met some peers who seemed to like me, they actually talked to me and didnt make fun of me like all the other "friends" I had made. However, these new friends were drug addicts and dealers, but I didnt care. Hell, they liked me. So I began to spend virtually every weekend with them, sneaking out of my house so as not to disturb my mom. I got involved with pills and some IV drugs, and 2 months later they introduced me to Chris at a party. He was 5 years older, dealed heroin and pills(although unknown to me at first), and we both seemed to "fall" for each other. I should have known that he was willing and ready to take advantage of me, after all, I was in 8th grade and he was a college freshman at the time. But I was blind, and we did everything together, from parties to disneyland to late night acid trips. We became a couple, and soon he asked me the "sex" question. I didnt really want to have sex since I was so young and we werent married, but he told me it was how people kept relationships strong. I still felt very uncomfortable, and refused, but his advances kept getting more aggressive and got to the point where he hit me and forced himself on me.

My point is, if you have to question yourself on whether or not you want to wait to have sex, then its probably better to wait until you are 100% absolutely sure you are ready. All other factors, like pressure from friends or your partner or even the media (hey, theyre not playing tictactoe in the closet on Greys Anatomy), do not matter, because the only one that does is you and how you feel. Sex is not what holds two people together(at least happily), and the problem might only get worse until it is too late to mend it.
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Old 11-29-2010, 04:15 PM   #28
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Originally Posted by lovehanami View Post
My point is, if you have to question yourself on whether or not you want to wait to have sex, then its probably better to wait until you are 100% absolutely sure you are ready.

I fully agree and even go further " if you have to question yourself on whether or not you want to wait to" do anything you should wait. When it is right for you to do something you will know it. If you like someone else and it is not right for them to do something, then you should honor them and not force, push or prod them in any way.

Even at almost 62, sex is a nice way to spend time with someone else, but with the intimacy of love included nice becomes great. But also at 62 I realize that sex is not love. You can not "make love" you are either in love or you are not. When you are having sex you are having sex, making love on the other hand may never have a physical component, a look across a room, a note left on the night stand, a dozen roses because its Tuesday. If combined with sex, making love, is the time before and after the physical act. The time caring for the others needs, holding, touching, talking.

I believe that being in love is the binding of two peoples spirits and the bind of the flesh is not necessary for love to exist.

lovehanami I am very sorry that your first experience was what it was. I hope in a couple of years that you meet someone and experience the joy of intimacy with someone that cares for you as a person, wants to be with you as a person, to share with you as a person, and that the physical aspects of this sharing is just icing on the cake.

You say you are 16, yes you are a woman in many ways, but I hope you wait for a few more years to again engage in sex. I hope that you use this time to learn how to identify those men that are scums of the earth from those few that are caring and kind. Teen age is a time of learning, to fall "in love", often many times over, as you learn what being 'in love' really means. Do not rush the process, do not let anyone else push you along the process. If they push then let it be a push out of the relationship, there is a great guy waiting for you right around the corner.

Let me give you two guide lines, one, beware of any guy named Chris. The name books say Christopher means "Christ bearer", based on 62 years as a Chris I know that it really means trouble. Some Chris' can be fun trouble but we are all trouble.

Two, you are perfect, you don't need someone else to fulfill yourself, if someone doesn't want to be your friend it is their lo,se they have just missed out on a wonderful friendship and often the best friends and lovers will show up when you are not looking for them. When you are happy with yourself, fulfilled by yourself you will radiate a glow, presence or something that will draw that perfect person for you into your life.

Hugs and thank you for sharing.
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Old 11-30-2010, 12:11 AM   #29
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Thank you cacunn for your kind words!

Its been years, and I have learned that these teenage years are a time to grow and learn and have fun, so I can learn how to have fun and enjoy life throughout the rest of my years. I know now how to spot good friends and bad influences, and now I have surrounded myself with caring friends that love me and a boyfriend who respects and cares for me. I do have some after-effects from those years, and it can make it difficult for me to be comfortable around older guys, but therapy helps somewhat. Also, I am proud to say I have been sober and celibate for a year and a half now, and I even got a "sober tattoo"! Props to my uncle, the tattoo artist of the family...

I have been asked if I ever regretted what I have done or what has happened, but honestly, I wouldnt take anything back. With all that, I have grown wiser, and I have helped people I know from falling down the same path. I no longer believe that the only way to find love is through sex or even with a romantic partner; love can be found from family, from friends, pets(my kitty!), and from self. Oh, and knitting=love too
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