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Old 06-14-2011, 07:59 PM   #51
Arielluria
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loved it!
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Old 06-15-2011, 04:00 PM   #52
wellslipmystitches
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Originally Posted by Arielluria View Post
loved it!
Just shows what an erudite, astute judge of comedic consequences you are. So what else is new? Got funnies?
Jean
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Old 06-16-2011, 12:17 AM   #53
saracidaltendencies
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Hope this one isn't too political...lol


A son asks his father, "What can you tell me about politics?" "OK, son, the best way I can describe politics is to use an analogy. Let's say that I'm a capitalist because I'm the breadwinner. Your mother will be the government because she controls everything, our maid will be the working class because she works for us, you will be the people because you answer to us, and your baby brother will be the future. Does that help any?" The little boy said, "Well, Dad, I don't know, but I'll think about what you said."

Later that night, after everyone had gone to bed, the little boy was awakened by his baby brother's crying. Upon further investigation, he found a dirty diaper. So, he went down the hall to his parent's bedroom and found his father's side of the bed empty and his mother wouldn't wake up. Then he saw a light on in the guest room down the hall, and when he reached the door, he saw through the crack that his father was in bed with the maid. The son then turned and went back to bed.

The next morning, he said to his father at the breakfast table, "Dad, I think I understand politics much better now." "Excellent, my boy," he answered, "What have you learned?" The little boy thought for a minute and said, "I learned that capitalism is screwing the working class, government is sound asleep ignoring the people, and the future's full of crap."
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Old 06-16-2011, 12:19 AM   #54
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NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF A WOMAN

There were 11 people - ten men and one woman - hanging onto a rope
that came down from a helicopter.

They all decided that one person should get off, because if they
didn't, the rope would break and everyone would die.

No one could decide who should go, so finally, the woman gave a really
touching speech saying how she would give up her life to save the
others, because women were used to giving up things for their husbands
and children, giving in to men, and not receiving anything in return.

When she finished speaking, all the men started clapping.

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Old 06-17-2011, 03:47 PM   #55
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Where'd I come from? A Father's Day story.
Sara, I've sent the 'Power of a woman" to many. The one about the little boy reminds me of another, not so bitey as yours. You know the only thin wrong with politics is that politicians are in charge of it

This one is about a little 1st grader who came home from school one day and while he was having a snack asked his mom . . . "Where did I come from?"

His mom thought it was a little early to be explaining things but, asked his dad to talk with him about it. His dad took him aside and gave him all the info about procreation that he could ever use.

When the little guy came back to the kitchen where his mom was preparing dinner, she asked, "Well, now do you understand more about how you got to be here?"

The little guy said, " Well, I'm not sure about everything dad told me and I really only asked because I have a new friend at school named Tommy - and he said he came from Chicago - so I just wondered where I came from?!!!?
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Old 06-19-2011, 07:08 PM   #56
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You will NEVER guess what this ad is about..

.http://www.noob.us/humor/you-will-ne...s-ad-is-about/

Well I never guessed, and I thought it was a pretty clever ad. Jeanie
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Old 07-25-2011, 06:59 PM   #57
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So most of you will agree - we're hot! Not in any really good sense though. People are very grumpy, whiny and irritable. If I could get 4 more negatives and add a few expletives I'd have my very own take on the Snow White fairy tale.

Try to imagine "It's Sno Wonder" and her 7 deviant employees. I Don't expect to get a G rating.

For just a few moments let us forget the heat. Enjoy the following and if you like it I'll try to find more. This is from a friend in the KH.
Jean

While conducting some business at the Court House, I overheard a lady, who
had been arrested for assaulting a Mammogram Technician, say, "Your Honor,
I'm guilty but ... There were extenuating circumstances."


The female Judge said, sarcastically, "I'd certainly like to hear those
extenuating circumstances." I did too so I listened as the lady told her
story.


"Your Honor, I had a mammogram appointment, which I actually kept. I was
met by this perky little clipboard carrier smiling from ear to ear who
tilted her head to one side and crooned, "Hi! I'm Belinda! All I need you to do
is step into this room right here, strip to the waist, then slip on this
gown. Is that clear?"



I'm thinking, Belinda, try decaf. This ain't rocket science. Belinda then
skipped away to prepare the chamber of horrors. With the right side
finished, Belinda flipped me (literally) to the left and said, “Hmmmm. Can you
stand on your tippy toes and lean in a tad so we can get everything?"


"Fine," I answered. I was freezing, bruised, and out of air, so why not
use the remaining circulation in my legs and neck to finish me off? My
body was in a holding pattern that defied gravity (with my other breast wedged
between those two 4 inch pieces of square glass) when I heard and felt a
zap! Complete darkness, the power was off!



Belinda said, "Uh-oh, maintenance is working, bet they hit a snag." Then
she headed for the door. "Excuse me! You're not leaving me in this vise
alone are you?" I shouted. Belinda kept going and said, "Oh, you fussy
puppy...the door's wide open so you'll have the emergency hall lights. I'll be
right back." Before I could shout NOOOO! She disappeared. And that's
exactly how Bubba and Earl, "maintenance men extraordinaire" found
me...half-naked with part of me dangling from the Jaws of Life and the other part smashed
between glass!


After exchanging a polite Hi, how's it going type greeting, Bubba (or
possibly Earl) asked, to my utter disbelief, if I knew the power was off.
Trying to disguise my hysteria, I replied with as much calmness as possible,
"Uh, yes, I did but thanks anyway." "OK, you take care now" Bubba replied
and waved good-bye as though I'd been standing in the line at the grocery
store.


Two hours later, Belinda breezes in wearing a sheepish grin. Making no
attempt to suppress her amusement, she said, "Oh I am sooo sorry! The power
came back on and I totally forgot about you! And silly me, I went to lunch..
Are we upset?" And that, Your Honor, is exactly how her head ended up
between the clamps...."


The judge could hardly contain her laughter as she said "Case Dismissed!”
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Old 07-26-2011, 01:19 PM   #58
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Jean,
Now I wonder where you found that hilarious story? Thanks so much for posting it! Jeanie
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Old 07-26-2011, 02:03 PM   #59
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Sitting here LMAO. Thanks, you made 'another' miserably hot day bearable. Thanks.
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Old 07-26-2011, 02:42 PM   #60
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Glad! If it made anybody feel a little better, thank Kittykins for the original story. I always mix up our name when I sign off.:>)

Can't help wondering where all the A's are that are being laughed off in so many messages— Oh, of course — How silly of me. They're all gathered in Washington D.C.
Jean
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