Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 02-08-2013, 02:16 PM   #1
Ribbing the Cuff
Rosey2376's Avatar
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Sheffield, England
Posts: 94
Thanks: 5
Thanked 10 Times in 7 Posts
How to get a man to step-up
Any ideas?

I have a ton of work to do, and I still have to fit in the housework, the school run, the organising and all the other mum stuff.
But the man of the house just moans that I'm a tad stressed and, well, witchy. Which I am. Cos I'm tired.

Any creative ideas for getting him to step up his game and help take on some of the mum stuff? Nagging sure aint working.
Rosey2376 is offline   Reply With Quote


This advertising will not be shown to registered members. Join our free online community today!

Old 02-08-2013, 02:31 PM   #2
Jan in CA
Mod Squad
Jan in CA's Avatar
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Southern CA
Posts: 38,159
Thanks: 1,723
Thanked 8,979 Times in 7,324 Posts
If any of his complaints involve you not being here for him then suggest if you had some help you'd have more time. Make a list of all the things you have to do in a day with appx times it would take for each one...don't shortchange yourself either.

Don't know if it will help him to work, but at the very least it'll help you maybe streamline what you have to do, too.

When asking questions ALWAYS post the name and a link for the pattern if you have it.

NEW! KH knitting video archive

Jan in CA is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-12-2013, 11:19 AM   #3
Ribbing the Cuff
dudeKnit's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2013
Posts: 61
Thanks: 10
Thanked 10 Times in 7 Posts
Speaking as a man, but not knowing the situation there I always help out around the house and with "mum stuff" which is parenting not just for moms. My wife and I have a daughter, I actively participate in housework as well as shuttling the kid where she needs to go. Mainly it's because a relationship is a partnership, but mostly because I don't want my daughter growing up thinking it's her sole duty to wait on a man because that's what mom did.

It's not 1940 it's 2013, there are stay at home dads and moms that are sole bread winners of the house. It takes 2 or 3 people less time to clean a house than it takes 1.

Ease him into it. Have him dust or hoover, or clean up the bathrooms.

My penance for my Sunday morning rc flying excursions is to clean the bathrooms, which I think is more than fair.

dudeKnit is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-12-2013, 12:38 PM   #4
Knitting the Flap
butlersabroad's Avatar
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: SE Michigan
Posts: 445
Thanks: 208
Thanked 266 Times in 214 Posts
Stop making his dinners, stop ironing his shirts, stop packing his lunch.... when he has no clean shirts for work, has to buy a lunch and doesn't have the prospect of a hot dinner waiting for him then he should get the idea!

You have to ask yourself, does he let you do it because you've always done it? If the answer is yes, then you have to stop doing it all.
My Blog

Cool Cabled Bag For Me
Rhombus Socks For Me
Stripey Jays Socks For Me
butlersabroad is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-12-2013, 01:15 PM   #5
2nd Sock, I Rock
GrumpyGramma's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 9,772
Thanks: 2,350
Thanked 3,649 Times in 3,095 Posts
Originally Posted by butlersabroad View Post
Stop making his dinners, stop ironing his shirts, stop packing his lunch.... when he has no clean shirts for work, has to buy a lunch and doesn't have the prospect of a hot dinner waiting for him then he should get the idea!

You have to ask yourself, does he let you do it because you've always done it? If the answer is yes, then you have to stop doing it all.

I guess that and other things will work with some people, male or female. My situation was, he wanted mommy to tell him what to do, how to do it, when to do it, and then he got upset if I tried to get him to do anything because I wouldn't be mommy. He now is married to a mommy who loves bossing him around and apparently they are doing just fine. Some individuals simply don't grow up. I surely hope this isn't the case for the OP. Best of luck in finding a solution.
~ GG

Cheating is an option. . . . Cheaters never win and winners never cheat, but smart knitters who want to retain an iota of sanity do, cheerfully. ~~Kory Stamper
GrumpyGramma is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-12-2013, 01:18 PM   #6
Working the Gusset
Join Date: Nov 2010
Posts: 1,884
Thanks: 236
Thanked 676 Times in 632 Posts
I would try sitting down and talking with him. He needs to remember that you're not his mother and that this is a marriage, a partnership--not a master/slave situation. I would calmly and politely tell him that as part of the marriage agreement, you have the right to expect his help. And if he doesn't start helping, then the things that won't get done are the things that he needs (as others have mentioned)! Then I would point out that you know he hates your nagging and you don't like it either, so from here on out you'll stop nagging him. But then firmly remind him that when he refuses to help you when you ASK (or even when you don't), he will be the one that suffers!

This is essentially drawing your boundaries and sticking to them. You can only control you, so take care of your business and let him suffer the consequences of neglecting his!
Antares is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 02-16-2013, 05:21 PM   #7
Working the Gusset
vaknitter's Avatar
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: virginia
Posts: 1,732
Thanks: 450
Thanked 461 Times in 420 Posts
I could have written this post ! I was going to say that I decided nagging wasn't getting me anywhere other than angry so I stopped. I decided to listen to my grandmother who always said "You catch more flies with honey." It seemed to be working well until this last week.
I've love to be the type of person who could just stop doing stuff but I am not. I need things to be clean.
If you figure it out let us know
vaknitter is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-02-2013, 11:19 PM   #8
Working the Gusset
newamy's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Oregon
Posts: 1,079
Thanks: 464
Thanked 258 Times in 223 Posts
Go Dudeknit! I just read this thread an you said it in a nutshell.. It's a partnership. There has to be a division of labor sometimes it's along traditional gender lines and sometimes not but as long as people talk and work together as partners it can work out. Good for you for helping but most of all recognizing that your role and actions will influence what your daughter grows up to see and believe about relationships.
May Peace Prevail on Earth.

I'm newamy on
newamy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-03-2013, 01:36 AM   #9
Casting On
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 13
Thanks: 1
Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts
Alot of men simply dont know what to do they need you to tell them exactly what youneed them to help you with. Its not that they mind helping they just dont know how
socklady is offline   Reply With Quote

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
Step-by-step scheme for knitting slippers alca Pattern Central 4 06-13-2009 04:33 AM
First step Meli How-to Questions 10 12-22-2008 12:39 AM
Book Review: ENCYCLOPEDIA OF KNITTING: A Step-by-Step Visual Webigail General Knitting 0 03-13-2007 11:54 AM
Step by step intarsia page? geekgolightly General Knitting 3 03-31-2006 03:15 PM
step by step on how to knit socks momwolf General Knitting 1 02-25-2006 10:31 PM

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 06:35 AM.