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Old 02-28-2006, 06:29 PM   #1
 
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OT: Thinking about having a baby.
Hi all, this is the 4th time I've tried writing this post as I am very nervous of what responses I may get.

I don't even know how it happened, I mean I'm the type of person who hates (Please don't judge me on this) going out to restaurants because it seems like every kid under the age of 2 is within a 5 foot radius just screaming at the top of their lungs while the parents just laugh away.

I can't believe I said that out loud I must sound like a horrible person, but for some reason I've just never been a 'kid' person. Please don't get me wrong, I love my nephew and nieces and would put up with them for anything, but for some reason, sigh, I don't know what's wrong with me.

Then all of a sudden around last December I just started getting this overwhelming urge to have a baby. And its just gotten stronger and stronger ever since I told my DH. Now everytime I turn on the tv, someone is either finding out their pregnant or giving birth and then - BOOM - I'm a complete blubbering idiot. The tears just flow from god knows where.

Why is this happening? I never believed in the whole 'biological clock' story, is this what it is? And then on the other hand we are in no financial position to bring another life into this world. I keep going back and forth in my head, one second I talk myself out of it and then the next second that makes absolutely no sense either.

I'm going to be 30 this year, its a bit far away, but man, I'm going nuts here.

Any helpful, encouraging advice out there?
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Old 02-28-2006, 06:53 PM   #2
aylaanne
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I don't know about helpful and encouraging, but what you describe sounds like a biological clock syndrome to me. Hell, I'm turning 26 this year and getting married, and my clock has been screaming at me to have a baby for about, oh, ten years now? You need to do what you think is right. Maybe borrow someone's kids for a week and see how it goes?
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Old 02-28-2006, 07:03 PM   #3
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How does DH feel about having a baby? As for what you are feeling, it could be the biological clock, but I think that usually kicks in in the late 30's when women feel time is running out. I don't think what you are feeling is unusual.

If having a baby is something you both want to do then maybe it's time to give it some serious thought. Obviously having a child if you are in dire financial straights is not a good idea so it's a smart move to see where you stand and where you think you'll be be in the next year or two.
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Old 02-28-2006, 07:04 PM   #4
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My two boys were both 'accidents' and to be honest if I had REALLY thought about it I would have been too selfish to decide to have a baby. I was lucky and the decision to try for a baby never had to happen but I do know this ... if you wait until you are financially able ... you'll never have any!

I love my boys more than anything and the money is hard but you manage because you have to.

why don't you NOT try and see what happens, sometimes when you are trying to have a baby it doesn't work because you get so worked up about it ...

good luck whatever decision you make.
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Old 02-28-2006, 07:08 PM   #5
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I had to LOL at your restaurant comment. As the mother of a 29 month old and a 10 month old, I feel your pain at the screaming toddler! :rofling:

Okay so here is the difference....your kids are not annoying! Its all those *other* kids. LOL

I felt the SAME way about kids before I had them. I loved my neices and nephews but was happy to give them back at the end of the day. Thought so many kids were obnoxious, etc.

And then I had my first. And your entire world will change. You will have such a different perspective. Really. Its amazing.

There is not a way to prepare yourself for having babies. And if you wait until you think you have enough you will never have children. And really, kids cost nothing to start, I mean they need to eat, you have 2 boobs! They need to sleep, you have a bed. They need love, ya got that. You are good to go!

If you really think you want kids, you need to give yourself time to explore that. You don't ever want to go through life with a regret of never having kids. And I am not sure I have ever met someone who regreted having them. :D
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Old 02-28-2006, 07:26 PM   #6
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Wow, I am now exactly what you were before Dec! It's DH that's like you! LOL

I think it is the biological clock thing. My mom keeps telling me that one day I will want to have a child, instead of shying away from them, but so far it hasn't happened. It would give DH hope to read your post! My maternal instinct is completely satisfied by my furbaby (doggie).
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Old 02-28-2006, 07:27 PM   #7
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Doglover, I am starting to feel your pain, although I'm not quite as bad yet...but I'm noticing a change in my attitude towards kids....it's scary!
I have a lot of friends with 3 or 4+ kids and they are just loving life! My biggest fear is sharing my love with a kid and my hubby, because I absolutely adore my hubby!!! He's older than I am, so his clock is ticking a little faster than mine, but we both feel like we are too selfish to have kids. But they say if you wait until you're "ready", you'll never be ready!! They say everything changes when you have kids, so you'll never understand all the things moms say until you have them!!
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Old 02-28-2006, 07:35 PM   #8
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I agree with all that's been said about there never being a "perfect" time to start a family - the right time is when you do it.

Since this is a very sudden desire for you, I would take some serious time to think about why you're feeling the way you are, and to see if you still feel so strongly about it in six months or so. It's possible that you are just feeling the big 3-0 coming up and need some sort of change in your life. Once you have kids, you can't change your mind and go back.

But if after some soul searching and a lot of discussion with DH, you feel ready to make some kids, go for it! I know you'll be happy either way. :D
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Old 02-28-2006, 08:38 PM   #9
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ITA that if you wait until you can "afford" kids then you'll be waiting a long time, lol. My friend's dad (father of 12) always says, when people ask him how he could afford that many kids, "no one can afford kids -- you always want to give them more than you can, no matter how many there are." It all has a way of working itself out, once you sort out what sacrifices need to be made.

As far as not being a kid lover...it will be different with your own, I promise. And you'll become more tolerant of crying babies, lol. :D
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Old 02-28-2006, 10:05 PM   #10
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I totally agree with what everyone else has said.

Like you, I had absolutely no desire to have children until close to my 30th birthday. Then, all of a sudden I found myself thinking about having kids all the time. I even started compiling lists of my favorite baby names.

I agonized over my decision to have kids. I tried to intellectualize it -- I read a ton of books, but ultimately I went with my gut feeling.

I now have two boys -- my oldest will be 4 on Sunday, and I have an eight month old baby as well. Having kids is the best thing I've ever done, and also the hardest. My life has changed so much -- my goals, aspirations, even my views about the world have altered.

I agree that there is really no way to totally prepare yourself. The most important thing that babies/children need is love. As long as you can give that, everything else will work itself out.
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