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Old 03-01-2006, 01:09 PM   #21
Kirochka
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Just wanted to add a totally different perspective... all FWIW and probably totally unlike anyone else's. I never went through a period in my entire life when I wanted to have children - which makes my experience probably not helpful to you since you're struggling with a strong and sudden desire to have them. But that never happened to me, and I'm now 43 and coming on three years... oh, man, wait, no, I think four years since my tubal ligation, which I have never regretted for a moment.

My point in saying this is not to persuade you to do any one thing, nor to dissuade you from anything either. My point is that this is a society in which we are constantly bombarded with media and societal messages that having children is something everyone, but everyone, wants to do, at least if they're "normal," and that if you don't there is something wrong with you. It took me years to realize that it was okay for me not to have wanted children, and that given my feelings it was absolutely right for me not to have had them. And my point is, while the desire you're feeling for children may indeed be absolutely an indicator of what you do seriously want and what you should do, you may also want to take a deep breath and think about whether or not the messages surrounding you that All Real Women Have Babies is a contributing factor (and I say this because of the suddenness of your desire for children).

And I have to say, I agree with what friskie kittie has said about the world: as of this week there are said to be 6.5 billion people living on a planet with dwindling and non-renewable resources. I can't imagine the future will be anything but worse than the present, environmentally, socially, politically, as future generations struggle for the scarce resources that are left. It's easy for me to say because I've never wanted children, but the thought of bringing a new life into this world as it's going is just frightening to me.
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Old 03-01-2006, 01:19 PM   #22
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Originally Posted by doglover
Originally Posted by JessicaR
But working at Target I see that worst of the worst. But then I see a little baby, soundly sleeping with it's perfect little face and hands and feet and I smile.
This is sooo true for me too. Why is it that when I'm in walmart, or any store for that matter, there is some parent pushing a child SCREAMING at the top of their lungs? And they just poo pooey them. Or ignore them, or what seems like they are ignoring it.
Parents in general have to develop a tolerance to a certain amount of noise coming from their children. You can't respond to whining or you only get more of it. However ignoring it completely is wrong, too. My kids were not whiners because I didn't tolerate it. If they needed to have a tantrum or whine about something they were sent to their rooms till they were done. When it got quiet again I'd tell them if they were done now they could come out. It's all in the parenting. (all this being said..some children ARE more difficult than others, but no child needs to be a brat)
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Old 03-01-2006, 02:17 PM   #23
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Both of mine were unplanned which like someone stated before is prolly a good thing.. I now can't imagine my life without them... When I was carrying my first both my dh and I agreed our child would not be one of those that when the family pulled up to visit someone.. every light went off to pretend they were not home... lol in my opinion.. it really is the parent's duty to handle the children.. kids will test the line but if you allow them they will take the line over... If my children start to act up out in public they are removed from the scene.. if dh is with me then they sit in the car with him till I'm finished shopping.. if dh is not with me I just bring them home and then go out by myself.. we don't take them to the movies my son has went with dh but it was kid films where other kids will be there.. we don't go to fancy restaurants we eat at burger king or mc d's were again other kids... my kids know the boundaries they do push them but they also know that the timeout chair and timer is waiting for them.. they know the look and they know signs so if I'm on the phone with or out in public I give the look or sign stop it or sit down... my son the oldest hates being in trouble but my little girl seems to get a kick out of the time out chair.. :rollseyes: she is very headstrong... as for affording them my mom always says if you wait till you can afford kids you will never have them.. first its can't wait till they are eating real people food, then can't wait till they can use the potty, then its can't wait till they hit a slow streak so I'm not buying clothes and shoes everytime I turn around, and then school hits ya lol... I say sit down and talk to your dh about this only you two can decide what is best for you both.. belive me there is so much joy and happiness with little ones.. the first time you hold them and you realize you are their everything... the first time they can hug you or give you a sugar... the first time you hear mommy or love you too...seeing the world through their eyes.. the things we take for granted everyday... its amazing how much love you have for your children and how natural it feels... I don't have alot of patience never have esp. with unruly kids but with mine its so different... they are my world...
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Old 03-01-2006, 06:12 PM   #24
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ok speaking as a parent who has a child that seems to think throwing a tantrum will get them somewhere. i used to not know how to handle it. it is not that the parent is ignoring them but may they just wanna hurry and get done what they came to do and go home. maybe they can't leave the child at home. i don't go anywhere but to the store and most of the time i have to force myself to go if i can't wait for the weekend when my husband is home. my 3rd, when she doesn't get her way used to cry and scream and i wouldn't ignore her ibut i wouldn't let her know that what she is doing was gonna change my mind. so if it looks like i am ignoring her then good. whatever to shut her up. this was what she does to my husband and he hurries up and gives in. i told him not to do this because it just makes things worse for me. but he did it anyway. so now when she starts turning red... i stop her quick with either a threat to the bathroom (and you don't wanna know what might happen in there) or i tell her don't even start. cause big girls don't cry when they are told no. and the latter seems to be working now. but i don't play that. she can still get my husband with it though. :rollseyes: i help him out sometimes but that is his monster so i let him deal. its so funny to watch him plead for help. but my question to you is why does it piss you off when someone else's chid is acting up? just ignore it. thats what i do. i look at them and say oh hell naw she need to take him to the bathroom and whoop him. but i know some people don't believe in that. but thats just me.
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Old 03-01-2006, 06:29 PM   #25
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When I hear someone's child screaming in the store, I'm just glad that I'm not the one who has to deal with it.

Very often it is a "planned ignoring" in the parent's part. It's often not practical or possible to remove the child immediately--you need what you need and this may be your only chance. Kids don't come with on/off switches; and if giving in to them, as koolbreeze says, is the only way to get them to stop, you're not doing anyone any favors--just upping the ante for next time you go shopping.

Instead of automatically blaming the parent for doing a bad job when the kids' are screaming, I put myself in their shoes. I've been in their shoes--it's no fun, and it's certainly not easy. It has to be addressed and dealt with, true; but at that moment, sometimes there's just nothing you can do. I'd rather see a calm mother and a screaming child, than a cowering child and a screaming mother.
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Old 03-01-2006, 06:36 PM   #26
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My parents were very strict with us about proper behaivor in public. I knew screaming would get me screamed AT, so it wasn't worth it. When I see kids acting out in public, it doesn't make me angry, but it makes me feel stressed out. I get all anxious and sometimes have to remove MYSELF from the situation.
The thing I hate and that DOES piss me off is when people bring their toddlers and infants to movies (not kids movies, either) and sit there while they cry and cry and cry. The kid is obviously not happy and it's just rude to the rest of us that had to pay nine bucks to see the movie.
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Old 03-01-2006, 07:06 PM   #27
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oh yeah those days happen too lol don't wanna scare ya out of kids!! LOL

I remeber one time when Isaiah was 3/4 and I took him to Buehlers well we only have one car so I try to go on weekends when dh is home but I really had to run out mid week so I took him (and didn't trust dh with list for him to just go)... he wanted the car buggy I told him no because it was not there someone else had it... he threw one fit on me but I needed what I had to have and couldn't wait till the weekend so I just picked him up kicking and all placed him in the buggy and ran through the store with him screaming all the way (me just ignoring him thinking well thats not getting attention so I'll stop.. :rollseyes: ) I was sooooo embarassed and was not calm at all... when I went to check out this lady in front of me said all he wanted was the car buggy (Isaiah was screaming I want car buggy I want car buggy).. i looked at her and said I know but it was not available.. and I got the rolled eye look from her then I was mad at her for judging me without knowing the whole situation.. although Isaiah was screaming and I wasn't calm so yes sometimes things like that happen and the mother is like what has happened to my child he doesn't usually do this??? LOL by the time I got home I was shaking... lol now I trust dh with the list mid week :rofling: and if I take the kids out I tend to have him with me now... but alot of times on weekends where I've been home all week dh works long hrs I just go by myself to get that short break although grocery shopping isn't very fun...

My opinion: In public places alot of times a parents hands feel tied.. I know I feel like I'm under a microscope on how I deal with a situation.. where maybe I'm wrong but when I was growing up if you threw a fit in the store you were in trouble right there.. now days alot of mothers (friends of mine) feel like if they raise their voice or say you just wait its taking the wrong way by others I think some kids can pick up on that and act worse... its hard to make the right call alot of times.. I try my best by taking them where kids will be or when dh can go with me but I understand alot of times this cannot happen or single mothers do not have the extra pair of hands.. my two year old whew I mean my parents laugh at me all the time cause I have such a spit fire on my hands even the dr told me I have a very independent and stubborn little girl that I need to guide very carefully its not fun hearing your dr say you need to watch her you want her to keep part of that so she doesn't take anything from anyone but then again you don't want the next school yard bully either.. ..

I was brought up in a house that you were spanked and I turned out pretty good I think lol I do not like to see a child slapped in the face though... but when little ones first start to learn things I have got after their hand and told them no... I use timeout with my son cause it works or so does you loose this _______ privelige my daughter we are trying timeout but not with much success... she doesn't have anything right now she cares to go without lol..

Koolbreeze my dh is the same way.. he leaves usually befor they are up and normally isn't home till an hr before bed time he feels guilty but he makes my job harder.. they know they can get by with more with him... I tell him it doesn't help.. I realllyyyyyyyyyyy get annoyed when I tell them no they go ask him and he says yes.. then says I didn't know you said no.. well then I'm the bad person cause I said no and they went to dad after that fact so no has to stick... its hard on him and we do have talks about it and he tries to do better but they do have him wrapped around their little pinkies.. LOL

I'm sorry if what I said was taking that I get annoyed or mad at a parent cause most of the times I feel bad for the parent what I meant is like a family member we have ... is never told no cause it will stunt his imagination and ummm.. well he doesn't care for items in the house (don't really think I should put up my stuff when he comes) he can hit my child and its boys being boys so dh told isaiah well then hit him back yeah that didn't go over at all cause we were the bad parents... he can write on walls cause he is just being artistic... he can eat what he wants cause they don't want to limit his choices... he can stay up as late as they do and watch what they do cause he is mature for his age.. he can be hateful to his mother and its funny..he is 7

ok now that I've wrote a book lol
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Old 03-01-2006, 07:14 PM   #28
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Originally Posted by Ingrid
I'd rather see a calm mother and a screaming child, than a cowering child and a screaming mother.
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Old 03-01-2006, 11:50 PM   #29
 
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but my question to you is why does it piss you off when someone else's chid is acting up? just ignore it. thats what i do. i look at them and say oh hell naw she need to take him to the bathroom and whoop him. but i know some people don't believe in that. but thats just me.
I mean no disrespect when I say this, it's only how I feel, but that is exactly what drives me crazy. I, like most people can't ignore a screaming child. Just like anyone probably wouldn't be able to ignore me sitting at the table next to them screaming at the top of my lungs.

I think that it's much easier for parents of small children to tune them out, but people who aren't around kids everyday don't have that special ability that the good Lord has obviously given to the parents.

However, I do look forward to the day when that will no longer make me want to kill either the child or the parent for letting it go on so long. I realize this sounds kinda bad, but it's not meant to. I just think that people with children should have enough decency to respect other people around them. When that is possible. This sounds really horrible when I re-read it, but I just don't know how else to word it. I guess I could say it's like fingernails on a chalkboard. When all you want to do is slap whoever is doing it just to make it stop. (I realize that you shouldn't slap your child, that's not what I meant.)

Is that better? Again, I mean no disrespect to you at all. I'm glad you can ignore it, I just can't. (please don't hate me )

Jeez, this is a really sensitive topic I'm beginning to realize. I do understand that there are some situations that can't be avoided, but that doesn't make it any easier for the rest of us. This is just sounding worse and worse as I keep typing. So maybe I should stop.

Besides, the reason I started this thread was because I'm having the urge to have a baby. Not because I can't stand a screaming child. And I know that someday I too will be put in the exact same position as what drives me nuts now, but until that day comes...I'll thank my lucky stars it isn't me that has to put up with the child, I get to leave, they don't!!
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Old 03-02-2006, 12:17 AM   #30
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Doglover, I don't think it sounds worse and worse as you type. I totally agree with what you are saying about the screaming kids.

A short funny story (sorry, for hijacking the thread!):

One day I went to the Monterey Bay Aquarium, after having driven 5 or 6 hours very early in the morning. I had a headache and was tired (not anyone's fault, but just to give you an idea of my state of mind).

There was a kid SCREAMING and throwing a tantrum. I quietly said to the person I was with that I had to move to the next viewing area because "my head was about to split open with that brat screaming." OOOOOPS! Even though the child and it's dad were across the room, the mom was standing next to me. She THREATENED to beat me up. I was so surprised I actually laughed at her, which made her even more mad and she started lunging towards me. Luckily, there was a security guard nearby who asked her and her family to leave, but it was a funny experience.
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