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Old 03-02-2006, 09:25 AM   #31
knitncook
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I totally understand your restaurant experience. I am not fond of other people's children. Seriously. Most other people's children annoy me. We belong to a small homeschool co-op and there are only 2 other families that I actually enjoy being around their kids. Maybe because their kids are a lot like mine.

We never put up with screaming kids in a restaurant because we know how much it annoys us. We'd take a bored, frustrated, or agitated child outside to walk around and wait for food (or others to finish) than make others have to sit and listen to our kids. Common courtesy.

People who know I homeschool are always asking if I would be interested in starting some child related activity (Girl Scouts, Spiral Scouts, 4-H, Junior Achievement, etc etc etc) and they can't understand why I say no. "But you are so good with kids." No, I am so good with MY kids. I can't stand your kids. :D At church I periodically volunteer with the teen religious education class, but have consistantly turned down many offers to be a RE teacher for the elementary and middle school classes. People just assume that because I have children I must love children.

So as another "don't really care for kids type person" I can tell you that you can still not like other people's children and still love your own and want to be totally immersed in their lives.
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Old 03-02-2006, 12:42 PM   #32
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Originally Posted by knitncook

People who know I homeschool are always asking if I would be interested in starting some child related activity (Girl Scouts, Spiral Scouts, 4-H, Junior Achievement, etc etc etc) and they can't understand why I say no. "But you are so good with kids." No, I am so good with MY kids. I can't stand your kids. :D At church I periodically volunteer with the teen religious education class, but have consistantly turned down many offers to be a RE teacher for the elementary and middle school classes. People just assume that because I have children I must love children.
this is so true!!!!! i was forced to volunteer in the nursery at my church because i had kids in the nursery... i hated going even if it was once a month. i'd pick the nicest babies to watch and leave the bad ones for the nursery workes. but i have never wanted to work with kids. but mine i love them to death and they are well behaved...even Carrigan when shes not with DH. and everyone always compliments on how good they are. i have no problems leaving my kids with anyone cause i know they will act right.
Michelle...honestly i might wanted to whoop you butt too. but i prolly wouldn't have said anything BECAUSE i would have been to embarassed that my kid was acting like a brat in puplic.
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Old 03-02-2006, 12:52 PM   #33
 
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Originally Posted by knitncook
We never put up with screaming kids in a restaurant because we know how much it annoys us. We'd take a bored, frustrated, or agitated child outside to walk around and wait for food (or others to finish) than make others have to sit and listen to our kids. Common courtesy.
You see k n' c, you are one of the 'good' parents. You do what you can -when you can- to try and diffuse the situation for your child. That is so funny what you wrote about loving your kids and saying you can't stand other people's kids. I got quite a chuckle out of that!

sfavereau, I cannot believe that mother coming after you! That is so unbelieveable! :rofling: Don't worry about hijacking - I didn't even know you could do that!! I love hearing about these stories, it's more fun to laugh about them than complain. Which is what I usually do! The good Lord did not bless me with patience. I've gotten better since we got our little girl, (my dog I mean) but I could still be a lot better.

I just wonder if this 'feeling' will subside or only get more intense. I wish I could see into the future, and yet I'm glad I can't. Only time will tell I guess.
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Old 03-02-2006, 12:59 PM   #34
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Originally Posted by knittingachiever
I agree with all that's been said about there never being a "perfect" time to start a family - the right time is when you do it.
KA! That is the sweetest thing to say! That melts my heart! It is so true.

In my devo (devotional) this morning it said "This grass is always greener, but it still needs to be mowed." Im teaching my ten year old once you choose, choose with your whole heart.
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Old 03-02-2006, 07:05 PM   #35
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(((hugs))) this is a tough decision!

ITA with the person who said it's everyone else's kids who are annoying, not yours. hehehe.

Seriously, the love I feel for my daughter is the most amazing thing in the world. I never thought I'd love someone that much. When she was born, everything changed--I was so completely in love with her, and with my husband. It was rough trying to figure this parenthood stuff out but I can honestly say it has made our family and marriage so much better and stronger.

We laugh about the times we had before her--"what did we ever do before?" and we never want to go back in time and change anything--she is a gorgeous, funny, silly, and loving toddler and I wouldn't trade her for the world.

Plus, you will have a baby/kid to knit for! Do it
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Old 03-02-2006, 08:11 PM   #36
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My most embarrasing (and funniest) moment as a parent came at the beach, not a restaurant. My youngest son who was about three at the time had to pee. It was a long way to the bathroom and a short walk to a big ocean so we told him to go into the ocean, pull his swimsuit down and pee. A few moments later we looked up to see him in the water up to his ankles with his suit pulled down peeing for all the world to see. I laugh when I read about affording them. Money does come when you need it. What you have to really work at is devoting the time. Good luck whenever you're ready.
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Old 03-02-2006, 09:34 PM   #37
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LONG post!!

Listen, I generally try to stay out of parenting conversations here because, well, everyone parents how they see fit. But I think I have a right to voice my opinion too. I NEVER hit my children. The idea is appalling. I certainly don't like to be hit or hurt, especially intentionally and by someone who is supposed to love me. I can't imagine how much more frightening it would be if that person were 3 times my size and about 10 times my strength. Sure, I was spanked as a child, very few times. And I remember feeling very scared and hurt and ashamed and angry. I don't see how shaming and angering a child is supposed to teach them anything. There are days when I yell more than I should and I immediately see the result: ds yells at ds2 a lot, he is angrier, more destructive and it is much harder for him to turn his mood around and be happy or problem solve. It's pretty much a no-brainer. I don't want him to learn to solve an issue by hitting someone.

I agree with PPs about taking the child for a walk, etc if they are having a hard time. That is what we do and all of us are in a fantastic mood when we leave. We also try to stick with the more family friendly restaurants as well. You don't have to disrespect your child in order to get good behavior, they are each a complete person not something half-finished. Listen, I am sorry if this sounds militant, but I do feel strongly about it and I think it is important for those thinking about having children to know that they don't have to hit their child, they don't have to leave it in an infant seat while it screams in a store, they don't have to sit outside the nursery door crying while their child cries alone in it's bed for hours. My children have never wailed in a store, at least not as babies. Nursing is the miracle answer for so many things when they are babies! That and a sling. Carry them and nurse them and they are so happy!

FYI, I don't have compliant children. They are opinionated and strong-willed and not always adaptable to changing situations. We have had our share of battles for sure and I have been at the end of my rope more than a few times. In fact, we've only been out of the worst of it for a few months with ds1. It works really well to give him options but you have to be willing to back them up no matter what. For example if he is having a heart attack about a car cart (we've had our share of those too! lol) I tell him they are all being used (doesn't usually help but it's still important for him to know I am not randomly saying no) and he can either walk, ride in the cart, or sit in the car until he is ready to ride or walk. I have to be ready to go to the car, though. He never chooses not to go to the car and he pulls himself together. It helps to take his mind off it, like asking what kind of cheese we should buy or could he help me pick the apples. (It also helps to make one of the choices something I know he won't like: you can either eat the sandwich I made for you or we can leave the park and go home. But I will not make you another sandwich if we go)

Parenting is definitely all about being creative. And it is financially difficult. I disagree with other posters on that. We worry a lot about how we are going to clothe them or how we are going to afford yet another pair of shoes. It's hard to afford groceries sometimes, mostly because we buy organic as much as possible (I know a lot of people consider it a luxury but to us it is important to our children's health). But by far the doctor bills are the most difficult. We chose not to have more than 2 kids simply because we felt the financial strain would put too much stress on our marriage. There are a lot of days we feel spread thin.

I get stressed when the kids are having a hard time in public because I feel like everyone else is exactly like you stated, irritated, annoyed and assuming I have some sort of magic that will make them shut up if only I would bother to use it. But then again, I don't like large groups of children either. I think I just don't like large groups of any kind lol.

It is true about not liking other people's kids and liking your own. But that does make friendships difficult if you always feel like the other kid is the instigator and the brat. Been there too. So other kids and I have a kind of truce and I try to see things from the viewpoint of someone who loves them.

You know, it is amazing how your children make the world a much safer, happier, more trusting place to be. I really hesitated to send ds to preschool at a public school, I was so worried about bullies and stuff. And then I actually took him there and every other kid was just like him. And the parents were just like me. And the majority of the world is made up of people just like us, people that wouldn't want to hurt a child, that are just living their lives and finding their own joy and loving their families. Our culture loves to sensationalize the frightening and the abnormal. But it is important to realize that it is abnormal. Most people are just like you.

I don't know, dh and I still see ourselves as people who could have been happy without children (ds1 was a surprise). But I wouldn't trade my kids for anything, they are so goofy and smart and happy, especially happy. Man, I have learned so much about pure joy from them, about letting go of grievances, about finding wonder around every corner. There are tough days but the days when you look at how beautiful and confident and amazing they are and you are so glad you have them.
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Old 03-02-2006, 09:37 PM   #38
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I just got done talking a friend off of the baby ledge :D
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Old 03-03-2006, 12:58 PM   #39
 
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I just got done talking a friend off of the baby ledge :D

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Old 03-03-2006, 09:34 PM   #40
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Originally Posted by Arugula
LONG post!! ... There are tough days but the days when you look at how beautiful and confident and amazing they are and you are so glad you have them.
Arugula, I commend you for speaking your mind and I think the way you are raising your children is a wonderful thing. Like you, I got the occasional spanking as a youngster and all it did was inspire fear. If we rule our families with fear, we are creating microcosms of the worst of society in our homes.

Of course we all judge those who clearly abuse their children, but where do we draw the line as to what physical punishment constitutes abuse and what is okay? Is it okay as long as your hand is open? What about open-handed slaps to the face? What about a smack on the butt with a soft leather belt? Well then, what about the buckle? You see where I'm going? Each physical reprimand of a child that we condone makes it easier to justify the next step. So much better to respect the sanctity of the physical body of a child the way we expect ours to be respected - without exception and without reservation.

I know I'm contributing to the ever-increasing derailment of this thread, and I don't want to seem accusatory, but that's just my two cents. Thanks for putting up with a newbie throwing her hat in the ring.
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