Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 03-04-2006, 07:32 PM   #1
TwoLeftNeedles
1st Leg of the Journey
 
TwoLeftNeedles's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 203
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
OT: Any moms of Asperger's kids?
I have a 7 year old that's newly diagnosed. We're reeling. Most importantly, we're having issues with the school and I need advice from someone that's been there.

When DS's anxiety levels skyrocket and he loses it, he has a tantrum. When he melts down, he'll hit if someone tries to touch him. If someone tries to talk to him, he'll run or start head banging.

The school keeps treating this as a disciplinary issue. He's not been allowed to go to recess (his favorite thing) for weeks now. So his anxiety is even higher knowing that he's being viewed as a bad boy that needs punishing.

(The VP actually told me that if DS would just sincerely promise not to hit he was sure it would stop -- obviously he thinks DS is in control of his behavior and is choosing to act this way).

If you've been through this... what do I do? It's gotten to the point where I am keeping him home to protect him from the teasing and shaming.
__________________
KIP DPN comment counter: 23
TwoLeftNeedles is offline   Reply With Quote

 

This advertising will not be shown to registered members. Join our free online community today!

Old 03-04-2006, 07:55 PM   #2
Ingrid
Moderator
Mod Squad
 
Ingrid's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Pleasant Valley, NY
Posts: 29,567
Thanks: 20
Thanked 2,224 Times in 1,828 Posts
I don't have a child with Asperger's, but work in a school where I have been acquainted with several students with Aspergers. One of our elementary schools has a class and program devoted to it.

My first suggestion is to do research on it. There are different degrees, of course, but it is in the autism spectrum. Actually Crissy on this site is an autism specialist. Maybe you can pm her for resourses.

I attended a lecture on Aspergers given by one of the staff psychologists. Maybe you can find one who is knowledgeable about Aspergers and you can work together to better understand your son's view on the world, and how best to help him deal with our world.

It will be a twisty road for you, but the students that I've met with Aspergers are generally quite intellegent--they just see the world differently than we do.

I absolutely agree with keeping your son home right now. I don't know if that is considered the "correct" thing, but there's time in the future to learn what he would learn in school, which can also be taught at home. But to be punished for what you can't control, and to have no clue how it is you're supposed to act, is too difficult for a small child.

From what I recall, facial expressions, body language and the like are not meaningful to kids with Aspergers. It's like being told to do something in a foreign language and then getting punished for not following directions.

You are your childs best advocate--be the squeaky wheel and find out what services are avialable though the school system, too.
__________________
"Trust the pattern!"

Time flies like an arrow, but fruit flies like a banana.

Hop aboard while we follow the cloud-covered van of knitting harmony, man!! Woooo!! --Hedgehog

IngridKH on Ravelry
Ingrid is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-04-2006, 08:30 PM   #3
TwoLeftNeedles
1st Leg of the Journey
 
TwoLeftNeedles's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 203
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Thanks, Ingrid. Any kind words are a blessing right now.

I'm researching as fast as I can, but I know so little that it's easy to doubt myself. Especially when going up against folks who have reason to claim expertise. After all, that VP has seen hundreds more children than I have. Then again, I've spent far and away more time with mine than he has.
__________________
KIP DPN comment counter: 23
TwoLeftNeedles is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-04-2006, 09:06 PM   #4
Darhain
1st Leg of the Journey
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Over the hills and far away ...
Posts: 177
Thanks: 0
Thanked 1 Time in 1 Post
Originally Posted by TwoLeftNeedles
Then again, I've spent far and away more time with mine than he has.
This is key! Trust yourself to know your child and what is right for him. You are his best advocate!

I don't, personally, have a child with Asperger's. I do, however, have a lot of information regarding dietary changes as a form of "treatment", if you are interested. (My best friend's son has Asperger's, and my DS has behavioral issues, all of which we've been treating via nutrition.) Just PM me and I can give you a lot of good links/info.

A big HUG for you, mama! And another one for your DS!
__________________
Is this a cat toy? No, it's a sock disguised as a ball of yarn.
Darhain is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-04-2006, 09:13 PM   #5
Jan in CA
Moderator
Mod Squad
 
Jan in CA's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Southern CA
Posts: 36,978
Thanks: 1,637
Thanked 8,645 Times in 7,047 Posts
I'm sure Cristy will help you out when she sees this.

My daughter had a child with Aspergers in one of her preschool classes and had some links.
Cure Autism Now
Asperger Disorder Info and support
__________________
Jan

When asking questions ALWAYS post the name and a link for the pattern if you have it.

NEW! KH knitting video archive
~HOW TO POST A PHOTO~

Jan in CA is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 03-04-2006, 09:39 PM   #6
ecb
Working the Gusset
 
ecb's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Coastal Maine
Posts: 1,142
Thanks: 101
Thanked 151 Times in 124 Posts
Send a message via ICQ to ecb Send a message via AIM to ecb Send a message via MSN to ecb Send a message via Yahoo to ecb
feel free to E-me privatly
I dated a woman in MD who is not only a special Ed teacher, but her oldest daughter has aspergers (I cannot spell for bean)

I can FWD a commnication from you to her

I hope your son does well
I know her daughter is an aspiring French hornist, and a great kid (if a bit of a fussy eater)
and we are still Good friends (both Mom and Daughter I consider my friends)

Good Luck

ecb
__________________
Make this world a Better, and more beautiful place, that you have been in it
Edward Bok
*******************
Good judgement comes from experience
but Experience comes from Bad Judgment
ecb
ecb is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-04-2006, 10:22 PM   #7
TwoLeftNeedles
1st Leg of the Journey
 
TwoLeftNeedles's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Posts: 203
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
Nutritional info is welcome. I was skeptical about suppliments, but then I fixed my PMS by taking more calcium. Doh!

And Jan, thanks TONS for those links! The Cure Autism Now site had a link to Advocacy Inc in Texas which had a whole big paper on what I have a right to ask for on behalf of my son and how they must handle disciplinary stuff. I know now that I can reasonably ask for a paraprofessional to assist him at recess and during unstructured times and they can't use the money/staffing excuse to turn that down.
Doesn't mean I'll get that, but it will clue them in that I've wised up some, at least.

And on the picky eater... DS is not only a picky eater, he's a picky smeller!

DS's AS has snuck under the radar for years (though he was called ADHD) because he can do things like enjoy fiction, tell a lie (yes, that's something lots of AS kids can't do), and he's not hung up on some obscure topic. But other signs he has in spades, like sensory sensitivity, unable to handle eye contact, and utterly unable to read social signals from children.

I know that if I can keep his self-esteem together through childhood, he'll be fine if a bit eccentric as an adult.
__________________
KIP DPN comment counter: 23
TwoLeftNeedles is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-04-2006, 10:26 PM   #8
Ingrid
Moderator
Mod Squad
 
Ingrid's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Pleasant Valley, NY
Posts: 29,567
Thanks: 20
Thanked 2,224 Times in 1,828 Posts
It sounds like you have a wonderful attitude of acceptance. Reading what you wrote actually got me misty eyed. Absolutely go the route of getting an IEP for your son--individual education plan. In New York, every school district has a Committee for Special Education which determines and commands what special services are required. A school cannot refuse to implement them.
__________________
"Trust the pattern!"

Time flies like an arrow, but fruit flies like a banana.

Hop aboard while we follow the cloud-covered van of knitting harmony, man!! Woooo!! --Hedgehog

IngridKH on Ravelry
Ingrid is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-04-2006, 10:26 PM   #9
margie
Instepping Out
 
margie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: west chester, pa
Posts: 2,113
Thanks: 0
Thanked 0 Times in 0 Posts
I don't have a whole lot of advice, but wanted to chime in with my support. I have an 8-yr old son who has several asperger's-like tendencies, and have read quite a bit about it as a result. It is so hard when your child doesn't fit the mold that others would like to place them in. I agree with what Ingrid said- be the squeaky wheel. This school year I decided to do just that- we have had so many times when I doubted my instincts, or was afraid to stand up to the teachers or other people in the school district. At the beginning of this school year I made up my mind that I would do whatever I had to to make my child's school experience more positive for him- even if it gave me a reputation in the school as the PITA mother. My son is extremely gifted, extremely introverted and has emotional issues. School isn't great for him, but it is better. We start therapy next week, and I'm hopeful that this will help even more. I hope that you are able to find the answers that you are looking for, and the help that you need for your son.
margie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-04-2006, 10:27 PM   #10
aylaanne
Turning the Heel
 
aylaanne's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Franklin County, Massachusetts
Posts: 979
Thanks: 13
Thanked 6 Times in 6 Posts
Send a message via AIM to aylaanne Send a message via MSN to aylaanne Send a message via Yahoo to aylaanne
My 16 year old brother has aspergers, as does my 15 yo cousin, and I have lots of experience with it. It's very important that the teachers be educated in how to interact with your son. Routine and consistancy will be very important to him, as well as having a teacher (and a one-on-one aide is NOT a bad idea in the early stages of learning how to cope with this) who has the patience and caring to carefully help your son through a meltdown until he can come to the other side.

My brother has the exact same kind of tantrums as your son, and there have been times where I or my parents have had to physically restrain him, times when I've gotten bruises from him hitting or biting me or some other such thing that he does out of frustration with himself and the world. My family has worked very hard to get him to understand that acting out like that is wrong, but we've also worked hard to make sure that he knows that we love him unconditionally, and made sure that the school was dealing with him appropriately at all times.

Taking away recess is probably not the best mode of punishment for your son's behavior, although there still should be a consequence, it should be less overtly punitive and work more on helping him build a cognitive toolbox to help him overcome some of these behaviors that, right now, he has no other method of coping with.

If your son is not currently seeing a psychologist, I suggest that you might want to consider taking him to see one, as well as seeing one yourself to deal with your feelings about this diagnosis. It's okay to feel angry, hurt, bitter, or guilty about the diagnosis, and it's important that you have an outlet to work through these feelings. A psychologist or a social worker can also help you find the resources you need so that your son can be successful in school and so that you can support him adequately.

The most important thing is to remember that YOU know your son, and YOU make the decisions about what's best for him. The public schools are REQUIRED BY LAW to make concessions for your son's disability, and you are the perfect and best advocate for your son in every arena.

Good luck and keep us posted. If you ever just want to talk, vent, or whatever, you can email me privately.

Good luck,
ayla
__________________
On the needles: Falling Leaves Socks, Punkin Hats, Artful Afgan and another waterlily for a friend of mine (on hold until I feel like working with that yarn again)

In the queue:
Jack Skellington baby afghan
Finished: Warm Up America Square, Basketweave Baby Blanket (now to ship it), Massachusetts Dishcloth for the Yarn Harlot, Homeless Hat
, water bottle cozy


aylaanne is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

vB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Forum Jump

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
This is for all the moms who have kids in sports.... figaro The Lounge 1 08-11-2008 09:44 AM
To The Moms saracidaltendencies The Lounge 1 05-04-2008 07:08 PM
Question for new moms...actually, any moms!! IrishKnitter General Knitting 18 01-19-2007 10:09 AM
Asperger's Follow-up. Now with knitting! TwoLeftNeedles General Knitting 8 03-07-2006 07:25 PM
OT - for all the moms & bakers KellyK General Knitting 9 09-18-2005 10:01 PM

All times are GMT -4. The time now is 06:22 PM.