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Old 04-16-2006, 06:36 PM   #1
 
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OT: What would you do? Re: MIL gift
I know this is a sensitive subject seeing as some of you fellow knitters are MIL's. But I must ask for some guidence whether I like the answer or not!!

Okeedokee, here goes...Should I make my mil a blanket/afghan for Christmas? I know this is a bit early to be thinking of the holidays but I'm not a fast or good knitter.

Now, before you make a decision let me add that we are not on the best of terms and haven't been in quite some time. We've had quite the rocky relationship from the beginning and there was a time when my DH and I didn't even speak to them, for quite a while too.

We have since begun to take the painstaking steps at rebuilding the relationship, or should I say my hubby has, they never talk to me when HE calls THEM. I know its sad but it's true. And since I was thinking of making one for my mother and father for a gift, I was wondering if I should be the "bigger person" and maybe make them one too.

Am I crazy here or what?? After re-reading this post I'm wondering why on earth I'm asking you to take your time to even answer this!!
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Old 04-16-2006, 06:46 PM   #2
Rennagayle
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I think you know what you really should do here, though it certainly helps to vent feelings and seek advice!

Whether I was a mil or not (and I am a step-mil), just as being a decent human being, it would be a good step for you to take in mending a past broken relationship. What better way to take that first step than to give of yourself, which knitting is. Even if your mil never comes around, you will have done what your gut instinct told you to do, and that is usually the right thing to do.

I wish you the best!
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Old 04-16-2006, 07:13 PM   #3
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My .02....if you've had a rocky relationship, be careful how much time and effort you put into a gift that she may not appreciate. An afghan is a huge project! It would be a lovely gesture on your part, but it would also be sad if she didn't like it/use it. It would be a real shame IMHO to invest that much time into something you're not 100% sure she will adore/be appropriately grateful for. My gut says by all means make her something....jsut maybe not something so large, if you run the risk of being hurt by her reaction to it. Does that make any sense?
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Old 04-16-2006, 07:22 PM   #4
 
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Originally Posted by Julie
My .02....if you've had a rocky relationship, be careful how much time and effort you put into a gift that she may not appreciate. An afghan is a huge project! It would be a lovely gesture on your part, but it would also be sad if she didn't like it/use it. It would be a real shame IMHO to invest that much time into something you're not 100% sure she will adore/be appropriately grateful for. My gut says by all means make her something....jsut maybe not something so large, if you run the risk of being hurt by her reaction to it. Does that make any sense?
Yes, that does make sense, and I did think of that end of the spectrum, but I keep going back and forth with it. I don't think she would not like it, but like you say, what if she did reject it? Then I go to the extreme and think why the heck should I make anything at all?!!! And then I think, oh my if my mother could read this, she'd smack me!

I think too much, I have a lot of time on my hands.

It is a huge project, thanks for the opinions. I'll keep thinking about it.
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Old 04-16-2006, 07:23 PM   #5
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Julie makes a excellent point in that an afghan is a very time-consuming project. I'd hate to think I had to finish three afghans between now and Christmas , and I am working on Christmas gifts.

You may have felt you should make an afghan for your mil because that's what you're making for your mom, and don't want your mil to feel slighted. I try and not determine what I'll make for one person based on what I've made for another. Instead I determine what kind of gift I think will be treasured most by the recipient.
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Old 04-16-2006, 07:53 PM   #6
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What everyone else said. I'd either make her something smaller--like a collection of coordinating dish towels--or buy her an afgan. Knitting one is too much emotional effort for what you'd probably get back. I doubt that the gifting of a hand-knitted afgan is going to cause you to fall into each others' arms with love, but it can cause some serious emotional harm to you if she rejects it or treats it with blah.

I have the same kind of relationship with my father, and I will never knit him anything because honestly that's more time, effort, and love than he's ever shown me, and my time, effort, and love can do more good elsewhere.

Just my personal 2.
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Old 04-16-2006, 08:11 PM   #7
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Well... I have been in a very similar situation, and I have gone through the same sorts of confusing issues. My DH does not have a good relationship with his mom and consequently my relationship with her has been tenuous. Last year as I was working on holiday knitting, I thought long and hard about what, if anything, I was willing to make for her. I ended up settling on a scarf - it was easy and not extremely time-consuming, but she appreciated the effort I put in and it has gone a long way toward smoothing out all our relationships.

I think it is admirable that you want to create something for your MIL, but if you spend an enormous amount of time and energy on something that she rejects, your feelings of resentment will do much more harm to the relationship than the gift could have done to mend it.
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Old 04-16-2006, 08:39 PM   #8
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I think that the fact that you are even considering it makes you the bigger person...that being said I think it's a great idea to knit for her--small tokens of kindness go a long way sometimes...

I've never knitting an afghan although I have plans to...probably for Christmas....I tend to stick to smaller things. I'd probably opt for a scarf and if you need a father in law gift--go for socks or a scarf for him too if he'd wear it...
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Old 04-16-2006, 08:46 PM   #9
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I agree 100%, you are thinking of her, which shows that you have a huge & want to take steps to mend the relationship :D I have made beautiful scarves that were greatly appreciated. One that isn't very difficult, the pattern is free & it's beautiful is Knitty's Branching Out, of course there are a gazillion others, u may want to look @ www.knittingpatterncentral.com for ideas for 100's of projects no matter what u decide :D Good luck, I do hope & pray she sees & appreciates your big heart :D
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Old 04-16-2006, 10:51 PM   #10
 
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Well, I've read all of your advice and you all are right, an afghan is just too much of gift that I'm willing to give to her. I know that sounds really terrible, but its the sad truth.

My mother will open her box and I can just picture her face, it'll take 3 tenths of a second and the tears will be comin' on down

Maybe I will make her some dishcloths or dish towels. That won't take too long, but it will still be a part of me I'm giving to her. And maybe that'll be what it takes to begin to mend some pretty torn fences. :(

Thanks everyone, you've helped me more than you'll ever know. :sunny:
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