I did not compose this but as I read it in my Knitting Rules book I thought "gee, I wonder what kind of knitter everyone is?" .... decided to (try and) find out.
Missionary knitters are those who, regardless of their skill level, are compelled to spread the word of the knit. Convinced (and quite rightly) that knitting is the best thing since sliced bread, they're forever attempting to spread the word of the wool and convert ordinary people into knitters. Their enthusiasm is infectious and they're generous with lessons, time and knitting supplies. Their motto is "don't knock it til you've tried it" and they're visionaries of the knitting world. Missionaries are by nature, giving people, and will often make a gift of yarn or needles to a fledgling knitter to entice her and keep her knitting. Sometimes called "pushers" by other knitters, missionaries will always encourage a stash-enhancing trip, never turn down a knitting social event, and are usually the head of the local knitting club.
Senseis have elevated knitting to a lifestyle. Never without needles and yarn, there's nothing knitting senseis don't know, and many of them are natural teachers. Through a combination of experience, education, and good instincts, knitting senseis are walking knitting text books. Wondering how to make the top of a sock stretchy enough? Knitting senseis know a dozen cast ons. Mis-cross a cable 17 rows ago? Knitting senseis can show you how to fix the mistake without ripping it back. Knitting senseis never wonder whether a knitted project would be too difficult for them. If they haven't done it, it's because they choose not to. Knitting senseis know all, see all and fear nothing. If they weren't so damned helpful, you would hate them. You'll recognize a sensei by their confident knitting style, the stacks of complex patterns, and stashes that rival the gross national product of a small country.
Knitting scientists are identified by the stuff in their knitting bags: a caculator, graph paper and a palm pilot with spreadsheet detailing their stash. Never caught unready, knitting scientists swatch religiously, calculate gauge to the quarter stitch, and plot decreases according to a rate of slope that they have personalized for their own body type. Mortified to turn out a sweater with a wonky neckline, scientists place more focus on the technical aspects of knitting. They tend to be methodical stashers, usually buying yarn with a project in mind. This does nothing to limit the size of their stash but it does organize it somewhat. Knitting scientists are likely the only knitters who can put their hands on a tape measure in less than five minutes. xxx
Organic knitters are all about the process. Utterly relaxed about gauge and swatching, organics knit happily along, unconcerned and (mostly) uncaring about the outcome of a project. Organics are all about the yarn, the feel and the act of knitting and embrace the full yarn family of activities. Occasionally organics are known as the "multi crafter" moving surely among weaving, crochet and knitting and often combining several approaches. Organics can be identified with certainty when you overhear the phrase "No, I didn't swatch - it will fit somebody". Another characteristic is their longing to so fully embrace knitting that they have earnest discussions about how to get a flock of sheep into an urban townhouse backyard.
These knitters are barely knitters, having been granted "knitter" status only by the virtue of their affection for the craft and the way they keep turning up. Pretenders buy lots of yarn and lots of patterns, and show up at all the conferences and knitting meetups, but - inexplicably - don't seem to knit at all. Pretenders can be outed by careful observation. Have they been knitting the same blue garter stitch scarf for six and a half years with no discernible progress? Pretenders (or knit supporters) are somehow immune to the charms of knitting, but have fallen head over heels for their community of knitters.
If you meet another knitter who's exactly your type, always try to get to the yarn shop ahead of her. She's your fiercest competition.