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Old 04-05-2007, 05:28 PM   #1
caviar
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OT: Grieving over a lost opportunity
Wow, I hate posting something so off topic; I try to limit OT posts to searching for tips on things such a varied group of people may have experience with...you know, buying electronics, dealing with wisdom teeth, etc. I try not to use it for group therapy. BUT.......


My husband and I have been looking for a house on acerage or just plain land so he can farm like he's always wanted to. We've been looking off and on for about five years, and a year ago we got really serious about it. We have very specific needs, since he has certain things he wants to do with the land...we're not just looking to plunk down a McMansion in the middle of a tract to pretend we're the only people around. Long story short, I happened to find a perfect place yesterday. I came home and told my husband I had found the place I wanted to raise our kids and spend the rest of my life. He went and had a look, and it suited his needs too. We called our agent, and....the place had been sold two days before.

Now, I am not an emotional person. (Well, not unless I'm hormonal.) I don't cry when people move away, and I don't think I even cried when my kids were born (although I plead staidol...I don't really remember much of anything). But all day today I've been in tears. Even with a firm belief that anything we want and don't get wouldn't have been ultimately good for us, I'm having trouble with this.

My question is this...have any of you experienced actual grief over a mere opportunity? Something that was never even concrete? Is this normal? How do you deal with it? Thanks in advance for sharing any thoughts.

Okay, my four year old has been waiting patiently for me to finish so she can do some emoticons. Here we go!

Kirstin

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Old 04-05-2007, 05:42 PM   #2
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I'm sorry!
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Old 04-05-2007, 06:08 PM   #3
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Many years ago my husband and I were looking at property in Michigan. It was being sold witht he mineral rights. Wetold the agent we neede to sleep on it. (This was about 6 at night.) Called the agent about 9 AM the very next day to say we wanted the property and were told it had been sold. We moved away and never thought much about it. Several years later we were in the area visiting. Rode by the property and they were pumping oil (pumping, not drilling) on it. Talk about missed opportunity.
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Old 04-05-2007, 06:10 PM   #4
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I think everyone has grieved over a lost an oportunity and i think the reason we do that is because we are grieving over the loss of a dream for us. I lost my day ( among many others)last year and it has been very traumatic and so i bought a book called Life After Loss~ it has been printed and reprinted for over 10ys. anyway~ he talks about diffenrent types of grief: loss of loved one, loss of a beloved pet, loss after divorce, loss after moving/losing a job, and loss over all sorts of events that come in a life time. I think what you are feeling is very normal b/c you have invested alot of emotional energy into this dream of yours. I think what youre feeling is very understandable. Even though you are no an emotional person ~ per se~ it is ok to feel this way and to cry and to let it out

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Old 04-05-2007, 06:12 PM   #5
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You should not give up on the property just yet.
I would have your agent continue to check on the property and see if you can make an offer. Deals fall through all the time. I know you said it sold, but there are many steps in a real estate transaction, and there is usually a period where the property is sold but it is still pending based on financing, etc.

I hope it works out or you find another place perfect for you.
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Old 04-05-2007, 06:15 PM   #6
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Awww I'm sorry! Make sure the agent keeps you in mind if the deal falls through..that does happen. Also give her/him the specs you're looking for and see what they can come up with or watch for you.
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Old 04-05-2007, 06:38 PM   #7
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We had a very similar thing happen to our family. We wanted to purchase my husband's grandmother's house after she passed away. He grew up next door to her, and had worked the fields and orchards for many years. We were sure we would get the house, and spent an entire weekend planning crops and where we would need to move fences, etc. Long story short - the brothers sold it to someone else! We were heartbroken! BUT, since then (10+ years) the road has become very busy and wouldn't be a great location. Sometimes things work out even though we don't think they will. Be positive and something will come your way.
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Old 04-06-2007, 08:30 AM   #8
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I about cried the other day when I didn't get a Lendrum DT spinning wheel on ebay for 350.00. Haven't seen one that cheap ever. :(

I think that being upset over a house is a very common thing. I think in America we associated homes with alot of very deep, emotional things, and so we get attached pretty easily.

Now that you found THE house, you know what you are looking for. And remember, God has one picked out just for you.
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Old 04-06-2007, 08:35 AM   #9
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So sorry to hear about your lost, but you need to look at it another way.

I am alway saying.. "if It is met to happen, it will happen, but if not then there is another plan for us."

Good luck on the land hunt.
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Old 04-06-2007, 09:06 AM   #10
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That's never happened to me, but I sure hope everything works out okay.
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