OT - Getting Tough with a Teenager Updated 6/18

[auburnchick]

Ok...just did the nasty. Boy was she shocked. She's crying in her room (on her bed) right now.

We sat her down and explained how she had made us feel, and how this did not come out of the blue but had been building over the last several years. We added that we have frequently warned her that it could come down to serious repercussions, but that she never believed us.

I also held out the carrot of incentive. She's pretty devastated though.

Tough love...next few weeks are going to be really hard...

[Paws4Knitting]

You did the right thing. I am glad to hear you guys approached this together and maybe she will realize how much she has hurt you both. There needs to be that realization.

[letah75]

auburnchick when you need to vent you know where to go. I believe you are doing the right thing, and I hope everything goes as smoothly as possible.

I have to say, it is nice to see a parent so concerned with every aspect of their child's behavior. If your daughter doesn't "appriciate" your actions there are plenty of us who do. Stay strong....what did that old commercial say? "Never let 'em see you sweat?"

[Jan in CA]

Oh boy. Been there done that. I'm not sure that taking everything away at once is the right thing though. If nothing changes you have nothing left to work with. I see you've already talked to her though. I hope it works for you and she learns that she can't treat people poorly and get what she wants.

[SabrinaJL]

I just wanted to wish you luck. My brother lived with me from the ages of 14-19. There were definitely times it was REALLY rough. We also used the loss of certain things (cell phone, computer, friends, school trips, etc...) as punishment. Around age 17 he started acting like a normal human being again. Now he's finally getting his stuff together and I really like the person he's become.

And my daughter just turned 13, so it's starting all over again for me.

[suecq]

I fully support your actions. In our house (we have 2 teenage boys 15 & 16) we practice an Amish restriction. That means nothing electronic. This includes electric (of course no candles allowed) so it usually results in an early bedtime. A frequent problem with teens is isolation from the family. They stay in their rooms and seldom interact with their parents. When we put them on an Amish restriction we do allow them to spend time in the living room if we are also in there. After a day or two of going to bed with the sun they start coming into the living room. This has led to some real good family discussions and activities.

[auburnchick]

Oh boy. Been there done that. I'm not sure that taking everything away at once is the right thing though. If nothing changes you have nothing left to work with. I see you've already talked to her though. I hope it works for you and she learns that she can't treat people poorly and get what she wants.

You know, Jan, we have tried pulling things away before. But the thing about grounding and/or item removal (cell phone, computer, etc.) is that eventually, they get the item back. They know they are going to get it back in a week or whatever the term is. I've made this open-ended...meaning that she could get it back (perhaps sooner if genuine change is observed) or she might not. I think this will have more of an impact than just "waiting out" the prison term...so to speak.

Thanks again for all of the love! Y'all are the BEST!!!!

[snowbear]

Stand fast... ifyou need a shoulder we're here. If you need to talk anytime pm me.. I've been at the end of no respect. I gave in when I thought my duaghter had changed, when in fact she only changed to get what she wanted then changed back.

Bear hugs your way.. you need them.. I wish I had the guts to do what you did.

Bear hugs,

snowbear

[kblue]

GOOD FOR YOU

You did the right thing . It'll be one of those things she will appreciate when she has kids. My mom always said to me you'll understand when you're older/when you have kids and i totally do understand now because i am older and i do have kids and if my kids ever try the stuff i did as a teen they're going to have it in for sure...i learn form one of the best . Well if you don't take away the bed you could always take away the door to her room... if she needs privacy she can use the bathroom...living the way shes living and having the things she has is a privilage<--sp? not a right. I hate to say it but really it's your house and your rules.

[phisch]

Oh wow. I am reading this thread and taking notes. I have two boys and they're both strong-willed but in different ways. They say that the behaviors they have as a toddler can come back when they're teenagers...so I'm scared of those years.

But how do they say it, what goes around comes around? Yeah...I wasn't a good teenager. To be honest, my mom and dad had weaknesses and I exploited them. I was horribly disrespectful and she didn't ever deal with it correctly. There were times when lines were drawn and kept. I yelled and ranted and raved but deep down inside, I was relieved when that happened. I never verbalized it, but I really wanted those parental boundaries.

I think you're doing right by sticking to it. Hopefully, in 10 years you'll all talk about this at a get-together and be able to chuckle over it.