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Old 05-31-2007, 05:35 AM   #1
Nobones
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O.k I thought I be o.k with this, I really did. But I'm not o.k, I want to cry scream and shout.

Last Wednesday my hubby had the 'snip'. He did it because 2 of my doctors told me it would kill me to carry a child. At the time I was o.k. Maybe it didn't really sink in that this would never happen, it was always in the back of my mind to do it 'someday'. Now it's gone, it's not going to happen and I feel sick to my stomach.

I'm not stupid, I know I can't have them, and would never have gone against doctors orders but this feels so final and.... I can't explain, and I'm probably being really silly, but I can't talk to hubby about it and just needed to vent.

Thanks.
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Old 05-31-2007, 06:11 AM   #2
Susan P.
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I recommend you DO talk to him as he will know something is wrong. Perhaps you need a professional to talk to also..because maybe elements of this are a form of grieving response *hug* which is more than understandable.

The 'snip' has often been successfully reversed by the way (if that makes you feel a little better).

Sounds like your hubby loves you and that means you are worth that love. :-)
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Old 05-31-2007, 06:27 AM   #3
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That would be a fun conversation, "darling you know you had the snip last week? Well could you get it reversed next week" :rofling:

Even if it is reversible the fact remains. I cannot have have a baby. Apparently my heart wouldn't get past 22 weeks. And there is no question about having them after heart surgery it's just never done apparently.

I really didn't think I'd feel this bad, Mike and Buffy are my world, and I thought that was all I needed but somehow now I just feel like something is missing and it's a gap that won't ever be filled. I doubt they would even consider us for adoption due to my medical record.

I can't tell Mike about this, it was brave of him to have it done, and he anesthetic problems,(the first local didn't work which they found out when they started working on him! )

I sure this is just a shock reaction I was just very surprised by it.
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Old 05-31-2007, 06:34 AM   #4
Susan P.
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You don't feel you can say..How are you feeling about this now hon, because, you know, I'm feeling really strange about it all..and I am surprised..I didn't expect it"

Anyway, if you continue feeling bad I would talk to a professional. I had to have a hysterectomy after bleeding for more than 116 days straight and even though I had had similar problems for some years beforehand I had refused to have the op. The finality of it was 'too much' somehow (and that was the only reason I mentioned the reversal because even though you know you can't, knowing it is NOT final can help..like a placebo :-)..but..eventually..I totally accepted it. Even then about 3 days out of the hospital I broke down and howled.

Society tells us that being a woman means certain things. Our own hormonal and primal instinct says that. It's natural to feel grief. I hope you feel better soon.
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Old 05-31-2007, 06:47 AM   #5
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I think what you're feeling is entirely normal.
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Old 05-31-2007, 07:08 AM   #6
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there is a national organization called RESOLVE for couples facing infertility. I'd suggest you google it and request information be sent to you. Your grief is normal - it sucks, but is normal and to be expected. Gentle hugs to you.
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Old 05-31-2007, 07:29 AM   #7
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Thank you guys I feel better knowing I'm not going nuts. Told hubby, he's says it's o.k. He doesn't feel the same, but it's o.k for me to feel like this and it will probably come and go.

Thanks for listening, it's helped.
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Old 05-31-2007, 08:02 AM   #8
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I'm so glad you talked. I think the old adage of a problem shared is a problem halved is largely true. I know that when I am anxious or upset and so on that, even though I may not want to tell someone, when I do..afterwards healing begins. Good for you :-)
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Old 05-31-2007, 08:20 AM   #9
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Oh honey, I am so sorry that you are having so much trouble. A woman sees having children very differently than a man. No matter what, most of us think it is something that makes us complete as a woman. So, it is not surprising your hubby isn't as upset as you. Nothing we say can take the sting away from the inability to have a child if you want one. Instead we will just give you a big ole hug.
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Old 05-31-2007, 08:23 AM   #10
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So sorry about the snip. I think your feelings are totally normal.

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