Some may remember I posted about a month ago about my brother who is getting married in July. I asked to take his fiancee out to lunch and shopping because she was having a rough time with her family and thought we might get to know each other. He sent me an email at work telling me that he hated me, he didn't want to have a relationship with me, and I should just stay out of his way (difficult, since he lives with my parents still at age 25).
Well, my MOTHER put my hubby in a difficult position. It seems that my brother scheduled his wedding (July 21, 2007), sent out invitations, and booked a location, without finding a minister. My mother has been searching for one for over 2 months, and can't find one. Either they won't do ceremonies because they don't know him or his fiancee, or they require some kind of pre-marital counseling, or they just aren't available on that date on this short of notice.
So my mother approached my dh and asked him to officiate.
My poor dh doesn't even know what to say. While we don't question how much the two of them love each other, there are several concerns about their relationship and he doesn't know if he can marry them in good conscience. He takes marriage very, very seriously.
-My brother has refused pre-marital counseling and won't even read a book. He says that "no ones knows his relationship" and refuses to accept any guidance from anyone. Meanwhile, this girl is his first girlfriend and they've been dating for less than a year.
-My brother tends to be rather controlling over her and makes decisions for her.
-This wedding has been the cause of a huge rift in her family. She is currently living with my parents because she was kicked out (she is only 20). Her parents aren't speaking to her and they haven't been invited to the wedding.
-They say they are going to find an apartment after the wedding, but haven't spent any time looking, and wouldn't have the first clue as to how to pay their bills. They do not have a financial plan.
She isn't even working now, she is a full time college student during the school year, and right now, she just sits around waiting for my brother.
I think my dh wants me to help make this decision for him...but I just don't know what to do. On the one hand, dh and I take marriage very seriously and believe it's a covenant that should not be entered into lightly. As the minister who officiates the ceremony, there is great responsibility to make sure that the people you marry are prepared to enter into this covenant. Also, it's would be the first time he officiates a wedding (he has had to do a few funerals already), and he would be really upset if it ended in divorce in a few years.
On the other hand, saying no would really create SEVERE issues within the family. And we wonder if perhaps we are simply reacting to his JERKY attitude.
Any thoughts? You guys are much more sane than my nutso family.