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Old 06-28-2007, 12:25 AM   #1
auburnchick
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My Daughter Has Totally Broken My Heart This Time
Well, tonight was pretty bad.

While working on my computer tonight, I noticed something odd, asked my daughter a question about it, got weird vibes, and began investigating.

I discovered that my daughter had created a Facebook account. What's the big deal, you might ask. Well, we've strictly forbidden her to create any such site. She nearly lost her soccer privileges last year for the same reason (disobeying us after we told her not to create another one).

The whole time I'm questioning her, she is lying about things. I finally get into her account and through investigating that learn that she also had created a myspace account. She told me she couldn't remember the email address she used, so I couldn't log into the account. While I was on my mission to figure out a way to contact myspace, she came in and admitted that she lied to me. She gave me the email address she used so I could log in.

She's had both of these accounts since last fall.

She's been lying to us the entire time.

To make things worse, she figured out how to delete the history on my computer, so I couldn't tell where she'd been. I had noticed that my KH settings were always disappearing, but I thought my Firefox settings were wonky. Just weird stuff like that. She was covering her tracks...

My heart is totally shredded. I feel so violated. I'm stunned at the total lack of disrespect that she and her friends (the ones who know she's not allowed to do this) have for dh and me. There is just no trust there any more.

I don't know how we are going to handle this. I'm truly at my wit's end this time. God has a big job with this one.

The one thing she did admit to is that she thinks she needs counseling. She said she is very angry with us and has been for some time. I agree. I think I'm going to stay home from work tomorrow and look into this.

Please pray for us. I'm literally devastated. Just torn up...

Thanks for listening.

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Old 06-28-2007, 12:31 AM   #2
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oh nathalie! i am so sorry for you i understand how you would feel. it is a good move in the right direction that your daughter did admit the whole truth, and that she told you about being angry. i think counseling is what you guys need. i hope you all get the help, healing, and understanding you will need to get through this very tough time. God bless you and your family
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Old 06-28-2007, 12:33 AM   #3
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At this point, I wonder what the truth really is. Everything seems like a lie now...

Sorry, but I'm really, really, really down. This is the worst I think I have ever felt about nearly anything. The only thing that hurt worse was the death of my dad.

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Old 06-28-2007, 01:12 AM   #4
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I am so sorry. We love our children so much, we want to trust them badly!! SO much, sometimes, that we think they CAN totally be trustworthy--and I imagine there are very few that ALWAYS tell the truth ALL THE TIME. However, I can see that your daughter does have real issues--whether it's about anger towards her parents, or a dislike for herself--it doesn't matter. She has done this thing, and now I think a Christian counselor might be a good idea. Not someone like a pastor at your church, but a real counselor with whom you have no other contact.

I think the thing is that maybe most of the friends she comes in contact with at school are so "worldly" (I hope you know what I mean) she thinks they're the "cool people". And she thinks her parents are NOT!! She's not mature enough to appreciate your need to be able to trust her....but I can assure you -- whether she's acting like it or not---she doesn't want to feel she could ever lose your love. And I know she won't!

This will work out, too. I am just so sorry it's going to be such a hard lesson for her AND such a bad time for you and dh!!
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Old 06-28-2007, 01:32 AM   #5
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What is the reason you've forbidden her to have these accounts from the first place?
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Old 06-28-2007, 02:12 AM   #6
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There are no words...
There is nothing that can be said or done that can eaase the pain right now.

I do suggest counseling. Fast.

But, not just for her.. I think family counseling would help. You, your dh, and dd. I think a counselor would help all of you, and find a way to get things worked out.

Know my heart breaks for you, and I send you love, and Big bear hugs... I only wish I could be there for you in person.

Take care..
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Old 06-28-2007, 03:19 AM   #7
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There aren't any words to say how sorry I am for you. I can only imagine what would happen to me if I did something like that. I hope you get everything worked out, but, until then, I'll be praying for you and your husband!

Isn't there a way that you could block myspace and facebook? I think that'd be a good idea to start with. And, maybe if you start to trust her, than she'll finally get where she doesn't want to break it and actually deserve your trust? That's my situation, my parents trust me, so I give them a reason to. Maybe that could happen with you and your daughter someday, hopefully soon.

I'll be praying for all 3 of you!
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Old 06-28-2007, 07:09 AM   #8
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Old 06-28-2007, 07:28 AM   #9
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oh how your heart must be hurting, seems nothing wounds us like the betrayal of our child. praying she sees the Light....
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Old 06-28-2007, 08:10 AM   #10
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Nathalie, good luck. I know you're hurt, but I don't think your daughter meant to hurt you. Kids are weird that way - they don't always have the same level of empathy that we adults do. She suspected you would be angry if you discovered it, and that was probably her goal, but I'm sure she didn't know you would be hurt. The fact that she came back and admitted that she lied is an indication to me that she respects you.

Counselling is a good idea. Be prepared however, it can be difficult! Sometimes, the core of a problem isn't necessarily where we think it is. A good counsellor will help you find it, but the solutions are not always easy.
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