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Old 07-03-2007, 01:41 PM   #11
JoeE
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I don't have a lot of friends IRL either, but in my case I think it's totally my fault. I'm close to my partner, my Mom, and my older sister, and at this point in my life that seems to be enough.

Friends are a lot of work. I hate to say that, because I know how crappy it sounds and what it says about me. When I was a kid and I'd complain that I didn't have any friends, my dad would always say to have a friend you've got to be a friend. That's the rub for me. I find it exhausting to invest the time and emotional energy into maintaining really intimate friendships. I tend to do better in a small group setting that I do with one-on-one relationships.

I've had a handful of what I considered really close friends over the years, but sadly, it didn't take very much for us to grow apart: changed jobs, changed churches, changed spouses, etc. At this point in my life, I seem to be pretty content with casual friendships with people at work and church.
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Old 07-03-2007, 02:15 PM   #12
KnittingNat
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I find it hard making friends too... I was shy and at school they thought i'm snobbish, go figure. I had a few friends during the teens that either "dumped" me for other people or used me as their crying pillow and i don't want to take it anymore. I have two great friends, one lives in Italy now and even though i haven't seen her for 2.5 years now, we chat and call each other on birthdays. The other friend lives in Jerusalem too and we meet rarely, but when we do - we're the best friends ever, supportive and caring. That's the kind of friendship that suits me - no pressure, but lots of love! I'm a very sitting-at-home-reading-a-book type of person and so is my hubby, we get very tired at work so it's really hard to maintain friendly relationships with other couples. My real turn with friendships was after our wedding, when i realized that many people i thought were my friends aren't. They never took the time to tell me they weren't coming or told 3 days before the wedding, when we already set the number of guests. These people didn't care about my feelings being hurt (i told them about the wedding 6 months in advance) or about my money being spent. They made silly excuses just to save the gift and the driving and never took the time even to call me afterwards. So i'm through with them. I prefer less which is more.
You should have more confidence in yourself and people will have the urge to be around you. Right now i'm not looking for new friends and there's a substitute working with me, whom i know from the university and suddenly she's totally crazy for me! I just become much more confident in myself and my opinions and that's what draws her, i guess.
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Old 07-03-2007, 03:20 PM   #13
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I'm like JoeE, in that my husband and my mother are simply enough for me at this point in my life.

Making friends is hard. It's hard to "break in" to already established groups.

I personally tend to attract crazy/extremely needy people. I don't know why that is, or what to do about it, and it makes me cautious.

Mommy22alyns, is there a knitting group in your area?
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Old 07-03-2007, 04:04 PM   #14
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Originally Posted by AnnaT View Post
Mommy22alyns, is there a knitting group in your area?
Actually, it was a woman from that knitting group that I was supposed to meet at the library.
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Old 07-03-2007, 04:35 PM   #15
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I'm like that too >_< I'm more of a family person and I don't get out much without my husband. I do go to a couple of groups with my son but I've never managed to make friends with any of the other mothers I have been lucky enough to meet some people I've met online and become friends offline though, but the nearest (and I count her as my closest friend) lives an hour away and is incredibly busy at the moment.
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Old 07-03-2007, 05:03 PM   #16
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I'm in the same boat as you. My DH and Mom are my BF. But when my kids were younger,, around 5 and up to about the age of 10. I was real busy with their school. So I met a lot of lady who had the same age kids as me and where involved in school like me. So we would hang out, lunch, talk on the phone. But now that my kids are older, I don't do much with the school any more. I have lost contact with alot of them, except one, but we are not as close as we used to be. She started working and so did I.

so Mommmy2.. don't worry to much if it is YOU,, just know that they are busy with there life and maybe they like you, but just don't have time right now. I would not give up on a friend. Once your girls start school, I am sure they will find you. Just keep putting your self out there.

And the lady who did not show up.. I bet she feel real bad about not showing up and not returning your calls.. I bet she might not every show up for the next meeting at the LYS.
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Old 07-03-2007, 05:07 PM   #17
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I don't have many friends either... my best friend from HS is so far away we barely talk...
About a year and a half ago, my closest friend at the time turned my life upside down. I had been helping to give her 24 hour home care when she became bedridden for a time, and they put her on a medication that made her manic. Unfortuantely, after a week of her talking nonstop, her husband and I decided to take her to the hospital ER because we couldn't take it anymore. They put her in the psych ward that night... by 8am they had a court order keeping her there and there was nothing we could do to get her out for two weeks. She never forgave us and walked out about two months later to visit her parents for a weekend and never came back. She never really spoke to us again, though I tried to call her. I felt so betrayed... I had almost lost my job when I was trying to care for her and she ended up in the hospital... it's been hard to trust anyone ever since.

I do have one close friend, but since she has two kids and I have none, I do have to do most of the work to get together. It makes it much harder...

other than that, I think I'm afraid to trust anyone besides my husband because I always seem to get burned...
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Old 07-03-2007, 06:39 PM   #18
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I know how you feel!

Your girls are pretty young, aren't they? Do you attend a church? Can you start a play group? There are "mommy and me" types of organizations that can get you connected with a group near you.

When we moved to Miami several years, I quit my job to stay home full-time. I did not know a soul, and I had two children under the age of three. I quickly found a church and tried to start a play group. One of the gals who came (and I don't think there was much interest) told me about a play group she was involved with. She got me connected, and we met once a week at various locations. Those were a really good two years!!

Then we moved again, but the kids were starting school, so I was able to meet a couple of friends that way...by arranging play dates after school and sticking around to get to know the moms.

Your interests are going to change during the years as your children grow more independent. You'll find that your needs for friendship (and ability to provide it in return) will change as well. I think the key is being flexible and understanding that everyone is going through the same thing. Also, some people are naturally more outgoing than others.

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Old 07-03-2007, 06:54 PM   #19
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I'm sorry to hear about that woman bagging on you, even after you put forth the effort to get together. It sucks.

If I wanted to find new friends, I'd try to join a local sports team (if that's something you're interested in) or some other group-needed activity. Things like a knitting group are kind of viscus with people coming and joining, and it might be difficult to get to know people.

Of course, I have the opposite problem and have a really hard time posting here, despite reading tons of posts and having opinions on some of them.

<---- Note my small number of posts despite being here since Oct 2005.
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Old 07-04-2007, 06:22 AM   #20
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we are not alone! I have the same issue. I don't have ANY friends. I had something happen to me several years ago now (almost 7 years ago) which devastated me and I was close to being homeless. You totally find out who your real friends are when the chips are down. Unfortunately for me, I found out that not one of my friends was a real friend.

One who I thought would be there always (as I was always there for her) basically kicked me hard while I was down. She may as well have set me alight and screamed "I won't even pee on you!"

I have to this day still no idea what I did to my so called friends to make them hate me that much, that when I was really in trouble they all just turned their backs on me.

I always found it hard to make friends anyway, but after that all happened, I found that I am a strong enough person to cope on my own. My father died the following year, and I went through that entirely alone, while supporting my mother through her loss.

I'd be happy to make acquaintances but I doubt I'll ever make "friends" again. I'm very happy with my life as it is, I like this online community of knitters, and I consider people here to be more real than anyone I've ever met. Why? Because I know that people here give an honest opinion, and everyone does so with such style and nicety that there is rarely ever any nastiness here.

The only one I can remember being an argument over acrylic yarn *giggle* and even then it wasn't that nasty =D

*hugs* to everyone
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