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Old 07-04-2007, 12:28 PM   #21
iza
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I understand how you feel. I don't have many friends. I used to go out a lot more before I met my boyfriend. But now, we're both busy with work and it's hard to find time to go out with people. We're just too tired and busy with house cleaning, laundry, groceries, etc. (I can't even imagine how busy we would be if we had kids!). We're getting more and more isolated (especially now that good friends of ours moved far away). I'm not the kind of person who needs a very close friend or go out all the time, but once in a while it would be nice to do activities with other people.

I guess, in a way, I'm in the situation of this woman who is too busy to call you back. The reason I don't call people is not because I don't want to, but because I'm so busy I just can't plan anything. There's always something destroying my plans :rollseyes: So I prefer not to organize anything and stay home...

Don't give up! And please don't think there's something wrong with you! It's not easy to meet new friends. You are far from being alone!
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Old 07-04-2007, 12:49 PM   #22
nadja la claire
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Most of my friends are my friends through Jerry. I've always had trouble making friends on my own. My brother has always been Mr. Popular and it's always been easy for him to make friends, he's always been very outgoing. I've always been shy and introverted although I'm not as painfully shy now as I was when I was younger. I've also been betrayed by alot of "friends" so I don't trust very many people. I guess in the back of my head I'm just waiting for people to screw me. Even so I want to make friends and I still positive outlook and I still put my hand out even though sometimes it's slapped aside.



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Old 07-04-2007, 03:16 PM   #23
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I believe this is a prevalent commonality among many people in online forums. Making friends face to face (I won't use the term IRL because I consider online to be a facet of my real life) is more difficult for some than it is for others, but I don't consider that to be a failure. It simply is what it is. Perhaps some of us have been tossed aside more than people who have no difficulty making friends in person. Honestly, I don't know the answer. But I do know that I've made online friends the same as I've made them in person, by recognizing a common interest or sense of humor and carrying that forward.

I met my SO online, not through a dating site, but in an online community. And I moved nearly 3000 miles from where I'd lived all my life to join my life with his. Granted, I was planning to move 1100 miles away already, but still...

Maintaining friendships online or in person requires a commitment. We've had friends from all over the world visit us in our home and I love them all dearly.

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Old 07-04-2007, 06:19 PM   #24
flea
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I moved to Northern Kentucky from Texas a few years ago and left behind my sisters, nieces and nephews (who are closer to my age than my sisters are), my co-worker/best friend, and my developed-over-a-decade group of gamer geek friends. I felt and still feel like I left everything behind.

After I moved here to be with my now dh I started nursing school and made a few friends there... But they aren't super-close friends. I can go weeks without talking to them and feel pretty okay about it.

I feel very isolated at times. It's lonely. I miss that feeling of comfort and fun that come from being surrounded by those that know you best. Here I have dh and his friends (who are really nice, don't get me wrong, but they're HIS friends primarily). My MIL moved to Indiana after she got married this winter.

Hear me whine, but I honestly feel very alone a lot of the time. I just don't know if I can make the investment of time and energy and commitment and compromise to make a new group like that. I like the group I have! They're just scattered all over from the eastern seaboard to Texas.

Obviously, you aren't alone. Enough of us have posted to vent similar feelings. KH isn't just about knitting. It's a whole bunch of support groups rolled into one!
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Old 07-04-2007, 07:38 PM   #25
Jan in CA
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One thing you've done by sharing is finding out that you are not alone which in turn helps others. Including me. I'm a homebody and rather shy. I hate big parties and gatherings because I get all tongue-tied when I meet new people. I finally got brave and put a msg in Knitter's Review and found a woman who was looking for knitting buddies to start a group. I see her weekly now at the LYS and am meeting some new people with similar hobbies. It's something even though we never meet outside the group.
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Old 07-04-2007, 08:55 PM   #26
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I also have a very hard time making friends. My son is severely disabled so I have a difficult time relating to potential mommy friends, and there really aren't play dates because a typical 4 year old would not know how to interact with him.

I used to work before my son got sick and I had friends there, but I have lost touch with most of them.

I do have a local friend with a child with a similar disability who I met online...but we don't see each other in person too often, mostly just chatting online.
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Old 07-05-2007, 12:36 AM   #27
chrislt8
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I, too, am another one that has difficulty making friends...this is partly my fault as I am another homebody and don't enjoy social situations where there are a lot of people gathered together. I'm not a naturally social "chatter" and on top of that I have a hearing problem which makes understanding conversation in large gatherings very difficult. I am, however, blessed to be part of a large family (one of 8 siblings) and we are all very close (sadly, we lost one sister in March 2006-I miss you Marie!). My Mom is truly my best friend and we enjoy many of the same things and do a lot together. On top of that, I work with family, so my opportunity to make friends outside of the family is further limited by that.

I sometimes long for friendships outside of the family where I can be "me" without the expectations and pre-concieved notions that the long term family relationships/dynamics bring. But, one thing I have seen over time is that very few non-family relationships stay with you through the years - family does, especially through the hard times...

I agree with the posts that said that friendships take a lot of time and commitment - they are hard, consistant work! In today's world where everybody is so busy, I think real friendships are even harder to make and maintain.

And to finish my "vent" with a little humor...why, oh why, does that song from Mr. Roger's Neighborhood keep running through my mind?
Oh won't you be, please won't you be, oh won't you be my...friend!
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Old 07-05-2007, 07:33 PM   #28
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Mommy22alyns wrote:

My latest blow - I was supposed to meet up with another woman for some needlework time. I went there, waited for about an hour, and nothing. She emailed me the next day or so and apologized that she'd gotten caught up in something else. I emailed her back saying it wasn't a big deal. No response. A week or so later, I called her, hoping to meet up again. I had to leave a message and I still haven't heard anything back - this was nearly 2 weeks ago.

I know she is super busy, but I thought she'd at least be able to shoot me a brief email. I don't want to put myself back out here yet again. I feel like I'm chasing these people down, begging them to be my friend. What makes me so detestable?[/quote]

Boy, you seemed to have struck a nerve here! As for the above, I wish I had a penny for every, 'I'll phone you' 'Let's get together'
'Christmas shopping? Great' that didn't happen.

I can't help feeling that as we live in such a very throw-away world, that we do the same to other people - 'It's too much bother,' 'I've done the Xmas shopping anyway, now' 'I'd completely forgotten, I don't know her all that well, anyway, so what's it matter?'

From what you've said, I can't imagine you ever treating anyone the way that waste-of-space treated you. Over the years, I've found the best way of making friends is to mix with people who give a damn. And the ones who give a damn are usually those who give help and care.

You've a wonderful hobby in knitting, one that can do alot of good. There's people in your neighbourhood, I'm sure, who would snatch your arm off if you could donate some of your finished projects. Have a mooch and see what charitable organisations you have round about.

All the Best

Ellie

PS - If you call yourself detestable once more, I'll never speak to you again!
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Old 07-05-2007, 09:33 PM   #29
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Mommy22, you're NOT detestable!!! Don't even think like that! I agree though that it is hard to make friends. I think I've pretty much given up. I guess I'm introverted, and after being treated badly by friends in high school and college, my trust meter is set pretty high. I used to think there was something wrong with me, and wonder why I had so few friends, and why so many of them only bothered with me when they needed something, when I realized I was making friends with needy people. No wonder I kept getting hurt!

Now that I"m married and have kids, it's even harder to make friends, or have the time to really want to spend iwth anyone. When I try to make friends with other mommy-sorts, I find myself so distracted because I'm still trying to keep an eye on the kids. And the only thing we often seem to have in common are similar aged children. I always make "work" friends wherever I happen to be working, but those relationships seem to fade soon after the job ends.I actually think it's harder to keep friends than actually make them.

All that being said, I am really pretty content in how I am now. I have accepted that I'm quiet and like to be by myself. I'm friendly enough, and wouldn't turn a potential friend down, but I'm okay with how things are. And while I don't feel like I've been here on KH long enough to make anything more than aquaintences, I have come to rely on this community, and enjoy it more all the time.
to you Mommy22!
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Old 07-05-2007, 09:34 PM   #30
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i know what you mean. i find most of my friends online.
right now i'm just in a weird place. most of the people my age (28) are single with no intention of settling down, working here and there, living with parents, or living it up downtown drinking/dancing on weekends.
me? i've been married for 5 years, work full time, have a mortgage, love to knit, and have a wonderful little boy. while my life is rich and wonderful, i still miss having people to talk to and go out with aside from my husband. my family is kinda flakey, so i've pulled back from them recently. any friends we have come over, and i feel like i'm so old compared to them. i hoped having a baby would help with making friends on the same page as me, but most moms i know are stay at home moms. i work full time. so having a playgroup outside work is really hard.
i don't really relate to the people who have kids my son's age at work. most of them are a lot older then me, and see me as WAY too young.
so, i have friends online. my best friend is a girl in alaska that i met on another forum. we've been chatting via email for about 3 years now. is it weird? yeah. but i never have to worry about her ditching me when we make plans (i've had that happen too...all the girls i know here are VERY flakey).
i've tried finding knitting groups, but haven't had success. most seem so cliquey so i feel like i'm interrupting. i started teaching a group of people at work how to knit, so i've gotten closer to them as a result. our office is closing, so we're hoping to keep our knitting group meeting once a month. i look forward to that.

if i ever get some money saved up, i'm going to try to make a trip to alaska (or somewhere inbetween if she can afford it) so i can meet my friend in person. i'd love to just be able to give her a hug in person. she's gotten me through some tough times!
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