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Old 07-06-2007, 11:31 PM   #31
Riss
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I'd like to think that I have the ability to make friends easily, but I know I don't. I'm really quiet, I have a touch of social anxiety, and I never know what to say; and usually when I say something, it doesn't come out right, comes out all jumbled up, or I forget important words, which only makes me feel worse.

All through middle school and highschool, I had one set of close friends, a girl and 3 guys. We were pretty much inseperable. Senior year comes around, specifically January, and my girlfriend turns 18. All of a sudden, no one says hi to me any more. I'm not included in conversations, nights out, or general gatherings. By the time we graduated in May, I didn't hear a word from any of them. They didn't even give me a hug congrats or anything. I know in my mind that they were using me as just another girl to go out with... another body because my girlfriend's mom wouldn't let her out with 3 guys without another girl there. But my heart still aches over it. The girlfriend still lives in town and works at a local drug store. Even when I come through her line, she doesn't even say hi. She just rings me through as if I was another nobody.

Since I was 14, I've found online communities to be the best way to express myself. I started chatting, and have found some of the most long lasting friendships of my whole life.

I broke my leg 2 and a half months ago, and have since become an active member of a few crochet alongs, and just last week, found this site for knitting. I've been addicted ever since. *points at her quick jump links bar in firefox at knittinghelp.com forum* I've kind of felt at home here since I joined. I may not be good at knitting yet, but I'm certainly not afraid to speak up because everyone is so nice.

Home is where you're most comfortable. And when you're comfortable, you'll find some friends. Reach out, touch someone, make someone smile. It'll come back to you. Just gotta hang in there...

(sorry for the book! )

--Riss
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Old 07-07-2007, 12:56 AM   #32
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Originally Posted by Riss View Post

Since I was 14, I've found online communities to be the best way to express myself. I started chatting, and have found some of the most long lasting friendships of my whole life.

--Riss

i've been involved in an online community for seven years. It's gone through many changes, but i have really appreciated the longevity of it. some of my friends i met there when i had just turned 30 and they were 14! petals from NZ is one of those. she's brilliant and now 21. i love that i've remained there and seen people change and grow. i met my husband there, even.

other than that, i haven't made friends since i became sober. the real life friends i have, i have had for 20+ years. i have not figured out how to relate to people i am professional with, or any mommies from various playgroups. most of their lives are so vastly different that i fear being judged.
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Old 07-07-2007, 01:32 AM   #33
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btw, happy birthday, riss!
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Old 07-07-2007, 09:39 AM   #34
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Old 07-07-2007, 04:58 PM   #35
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Mommy22, the one thought that occurred to me while reading your original post is that maybe you just try too hard? In my experience friendships just happen on their own and can't be forced.

Maybe instead of "putting yourself out there" you just be out there and whatever happens, happens.

But then, I'm a guy and our friendships tend to be quite different :rofling:
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Old 07-07-2007, 06:16 PM   #36
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Funny you should say that, knitting guy. because to be honest, my friends are all guys. it's less work. and if something does go wrong, we just hash it out, and voila. problems solved and tomorrow is another day.
women friendships seem a lot more complicated for whatever reason...
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Old 07-07-2007, 07:26 PM   #37
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Originally Posted by itsjustmeghan View Post
women friendships seem a lot more complicated for whatever reason...
Well, we guys are simple creatures
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Old 07-07-2007, 08:17 PM   #38
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Oh man I could write a book on this one...

I have a combination of issues when it comes to making friends. I have a few very close friends who I've had for many years (read, 2 or 3) and others tend to come and go (and they come less frequently as I get older).

Anyway, I don't like to spend too much time on things that don't interest me. I hate talking on the phone (sincerely despise it and will avoid it at all costs). I don't like hanging out in bars or going out for dinner too often or just sitting around doing nothing.

Unfortunately, these are the activities most people seem to enjoy.

I prefer to spend my time knitting or sewing or reading or learning something new, writing or otherwise engaging my mind.

When I've tried to meet new people through my hobbies, they've never been all that interested. I think sometimes I can be intimidating, but I'm not mean or anything.

I'm happy with my life as it is, but it would be nice to have a knitting buddy :D.
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Old 07-07-2007, 08:26 PM   #39
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Well, it's difficult for me, too, so I won't pretend to be a guru or anything. But just a thought to offer, I notice lots of people saying "and those people aren't like me so I don't want to try with them" or something similar to that. It's hard to know what people are really like from short chance meetings. You might at least consider friendships with those people, just as a way of expanding yourself.

It reminds me of a guy I know. This guy asked me out, it was all awkward cuz we were just friends. I think the only reason is because I'm the only single girl he talks to. Anyway, I'm in graduate school and lots of us are separated from our families so maybe this provides an environment where we need each other more. But he went to another dept. in another state to work with someone and he doesn't have any friends there. I suggested Meetup.com to him. This is a site that connects people with similar interests, and they meet up in real life to, well, have fun. I occasionally go to a knitting meetup, right now I'm organizing a natural hair meetup, and I met my sci-fi group through there and sometimes go to movies with them. So I recommended this site to him and he almost instantly rejects it, saying to me that he's very academic and really needs to be around academic people. I think this is a problem. If you're lonely, it really doesn't help to exclude people for reasons like that. There are all kinds of people in the world and the great majority have something to offer even if they are not like you.

Not saying this philosophy has landed me many close friends. But sometimes I do have someone to have a long talk with over a drink, or someone to go out with every now and then, or someone to watch a movie with, and that's at least a start and for some of you, it sounds like all you want right now.

Something I'm also working on is being willing to try new things. It's hard, I know, because it's uncomfortable. But it's like people say, if you are doing something and it's not getting you the results you want, try something else.

Now, if only I could figure out how to get a boyfriend. As bad as I am at making friends, I'm MUCH worse at that. I was feeling it terribly this past Tuesday as I went out with a bunch of students and former students to watch the fireworks and nearly everyone was all coupled up and snugged up. But me. I'm never asked out by anyone I'm interested in, and the last time I asked someone out, hmm, some 10+ years ago, he said no and I've never done it again!
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Old 07-08-2007, 12:08 AM   #40
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See, for me, casual friendships kind of fall into the "I have better things to do" category... of course, all friendships start as casual friendships, so there's the rub lol.

Honestly though, I've tried hanging out with other moms (i.e., more than just momentary meetings) and we really had very little in common and didn't get along. And my single friends are, well, single. It's a tough dynamic, especially (it seems) when you are young.

I really chalk it up to most people being boring and not all that smart. I know that probably sounds horribly arrogant, but it is my honest opinion.
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