I'm feeling a little troubled that the emphasis here is on Sandy and how Sandy could have or should have reacted. And I say this KNOWING full well what it feels like to assume one is being rejected from a group - because I have felt that here on one occasion myself.
Cheley has posted over 180 times so cheley was not new to the group although she may have been new to that forum. I didn't find Sandy's first post harsh. If 'to-the-point' is considered brusque then it was brusque
cheley said she knew what the forum was and pursued with the request for the book. I believe sandy then felt taken aback and perhaps, from her ethical standpoint, offended.
I believe it was as much cheley's responsibility as sandy's to deal with the situation potentially differently. If cheley had been a very new person to the group perhaps that may be different.
Is cheley also knittychick as I am a little confused about knittychicks links being offered yesterday as cheley's work? From what I recall knittychick has been around for a while..??
I spoke a little toughly to someone last night, realised, apologised and made light of it and worked to help. They in their turn responded to the humour and just dealt with the knitting issue.
This is what I meant by two people needing to co-operate to resolve and move on. What has happened has happened and Sandy has now made an overture. I'm sure in the future Sandy will be mindful just like cheley should/could be also.
IF..let's say if..a circumstance was present where someone had items to donate but literally could not afford to send them, then this is a situation where saying the status openly may well feel humiliating. This is a situation where a PM - even to a mod - would be useful and appropriate. Or to the organiser of the activity.