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Old 08-24-2007, 05:59 PM   #31
knit.newbie
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letah75:
awww

first of all..thanks for putting the time and effort into this reply!!

second of all..since u have that friend, u clearly know how hard and complicated it is with me! and I hope the best for ur friend and her family..I'm sure it's hard for her since the kids are asking and all..
I'm sure I'm not getting married soon..and the very few people I talked to about those concerns in real life told me it's too early to be thinking about that(I'm only 18)..
but I've been in 2 serious relationships before..one of them about 18 months long..and I couldn't say in either of them if I know for sure that I'm going to/want to spend the rest of my life with that person..but with the man I have now..I just KNOW it! I believe in 'the one' theory and I think he's the one for me! and we talked a lot about getting married as soon as the right time comes! (when we're done with skool..and have a stable job that allows us to start a famliy and get a house for us and his dad)
I'm deeply in love with him..and he knows every corner and bit of my parents' way of thinking..the potential dangers..the problems we'll have to go through..and the ones we're already going through..he has also looked it up and read about similar situations and watched documentaries and things..and his only concern is the possibility of me getting hurt! other than that he says he loves me and he's up for it! (I'm so lucky to have him!)
his dad is also a great man..and he also knows about the problems(I thought it was his right to know what his son is gonna have to face)..and even though he's worried about his son, he says he's never seen him so in love and as long as he's not gonna get killed then he should do what would make him happy..


I think premarital counseling is a great idea..when the time is right..
and I'm considering counseling for myself since so many ppl suggested it here..but I don't know..I'm just not comfortable with talking to people about my problems(face to face that is..over the internet it's different though)

anyways..thanks a lot for the long reply! and sorry if I blabbed on for so long on this post..

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Old 08-24-2007, 06:36 PM   #32
LilHuskiesFootBallMom
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Hon, i gotta speak up here. you need to do what makes YOU happy. You love this guy, he loves you. Your parents can't control you and your life forever.

The hardest lesson we parents have to learn is to let go and let our kids make their own lives for themselves, wish them the best and be there when they fall and to share in their joys while trying to keep our opinions about their lives to ourselves.

my current dh and i spent a year of my family trying to break us up... because he was older (15 years my senior) and made me happy. well, put it this way, he wants a bumper sticker for my van that says "proving the inlaws wrong since august, 1997" to give you an idea how things have gone. it hasn't been easy, but just as you can't control whether or not your parents get a divorce, you CAN control staying with someone who you love and loves you back (that is a VERY rare gift in this day and age, grab hold of it and don't let go! you'll weather the storms together and come out stronger for it) and you CAN control which university you stay with or transfer to.
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Old 08-25-2007, 08:11 AM   #33
knit.newbie
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hey LilHuskiesFootBallMom
always good to hear about love stories! wish u two the best!
thanks a lot for ur words..I think that's the right thing to do too..as u said, finding someone who u really love and loves u back is very rare and I should hold on to it!!

thanks again
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I-cord
(that's it! )

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Old 08-25-2007, 09:15 AM   #34
larudden
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Originally Posted by knit.newbie View Post
and I'm considering counseling for myself since so many ppl suggested it here..but I don't know..I'm just not comfortable with talking to people about my problems(face to face that is..over the internet it's different though)
It's very easy to pour our hearts out over the internet, isn't it? Even though we kind of "know" each other, there's a certain amount of anonimity. However, I truly believe that, in order to grow, we must be comfortable facing tough issues "out in the open," so to speak. I've told my three daughter that "there's nothing so bad you can't tell me" and HAVE THEY TOLD ME! OMG! But, you know, I'd rather it be that way than to have them be afraid.

With that said, I really believe that talking with someone is a great step forward. It's quite liberating to be able to pour out stuff to a totally objective party, someone who's been trained to deal with the big issues. There HAS to be someone at school to talk with, right? I'd do it and do it soon because you've got some major big issues to deal with and who the heck wants to deal with them alone, huh?

I'm very sad for the fact that your parents seem to be unwilling or unable to embrace who YOU are, without the whole cultural issue taking a front seat. I think that, as an American and a woman, it's really really hard for me to accept the whole "woman's place" thing. I grew up in a family of three daughters and we were never told we were loved and we were never encouraged to be anything more than a wife and mother because we were women. That was soooooooo hard and still has a hold on me and my sisters to this day (I'm 48). I was determined that my 3 daughters would always know they were loved and supported and, even though they've made some crazy decisions in their lives (21, 23 and 25), the important thing is that they made them.

Unfortunately, many people refuse to accept that the world is changing and what "worked" for them "back in the day" won't necessarily work NOW in 2007. It's a different world and things will never get better until we start accepting each other for who we ARE as human beings.

Oh - can I say this in love? - YOU will not give your father a heart attack. His HEALTH ISSUES will give him a heart attack. His DIET will give him a heart attack. His ability to deal with stress or NOT deal with stress will give him a heart attack. I would like you to please try to let that go because it'll hold you hostage if you don't. Many parents will use the old "What did I do to deserve THIS?" stuff and will keep saying that to us until we start believing that it's all our fault. Been there, done that, wore the shirt out..... But guess what? It's NOT your fault!!!!!! I repeat - It's NOT your fault!!!

Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr, I need to stop now. My "momma tiger" is coming out!

Keep us posted. And, of course, we're all here for ya!
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Old 08-26-2007, 06:46 PM   #35
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awwwwww...

thank u thank u thank u, larudden!!
I'm glad you have a great relationship with ur daughters =)..I always wished I had a good one with either one of my parents, I'm sure they really appreciate it!

talking to someone is always relieving..feels so good to kindda share all the troubles with someone who cares..I just never can get myself to start talking..I always think it would be selfish of me to kindda bug ppl about my own problems..I mean, they have their own problems to deal with! they don't need to hear about mine too!
I do have great friends and a great bf who would love if I opened up..but I just can't..part of it is cuz I was always blamed and yelled, or ignored, whenever I thought I could just say my opinion about something or complained about something..and another part is cause we moved around a lot when I was little..

talking to someone helps alot though!(helped me get over being suicidal when i was 13!!)..so yea I really am considering counseling..or at least sitting my bf down and complaining to him or something!

I'm so sorry to hear about what you had to deal with, with ur parents...I went through all of that too..I also have a brother so I got to see the difference (still do)..and let me tell u it STINKS! had my troubles with it but learnt to just get over it..just have to get over the whole 'u r a girl' thing


thanks for pointing out the heart attack thing..never looked at it that way! but I guess you're right..if he had a proper diet and wasn't so overweight he wouldn't have had heart problems to start with!

thanks a lot! really! ur post was really heartwarming!


to let you know..I talked to my bf about a thing or two of what was bugging me..got some comforting..so I do feel a bit better
and school is gonna be starting in 2 weeks..so I'll get to hang out with him and my friends more..and with my family less...which is def gonna make me feel way better!

hugs and kisses,
HaLeY
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Haley is knitting!

OTN:
wide lil simple headband

FO:
skinny ribbed scarf

techniques learned:
the basics(knit, purl, cast on, bind off)
I-cord
(that's it! )

ultimate goal:
make a pretty shrug!


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