My friend sent me the following. I think it was on AOL somewhere. I love it!
THE PET DIARIES
> DOG DIARY:
> 8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
> 9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
> 9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
> 10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
> 12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
> 1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
> 3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
> 5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
> 7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
> 8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
> 11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
> CAT DIARY:
> Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre
> little dangling objects.
> They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed
> hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the
> rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to
> keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of
> escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
> Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet.
> I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly
> demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made
> condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am. Bastards!
> There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was
> placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I
> could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my
> confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this
> means, and how to use it to my advantage.
> Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my
> tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this
> again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.
> I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.
> The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and
> seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
> The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the
> guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors
> have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is
> For now...
That is SO my cat... He practically runs for the front door when its opened. When he does get out? He sits 3 feet from the door and sniffs the plants. Sometimes he'll take a bite, but mostly, he just sits there and sniffs.
But oh man... I was laughing so hard my lungs ache... Thank you :D