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Old 09-12-2007, 05:17 PM   #11
Quiltlady
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I have an idea
To make everyone feel better...give you dh half the money. Then you both can be happy.
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Old 09-12-2007, 05:18 PM   #12
stitchwitch
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Thanks for the help everyone. It was just kind of weird for me since DH and I always try and do the same for both of my parents. What we do for one we do for the other. I can see why they did it now after reading your responses. Thanks.
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Old 09-12-2007, 05:18 PM   #13
Jan in CA
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I'd feel a little odd if my parents did that, but I can certainly see the other points people have made. When money is an issue sometimes people just give to immediate family. I'd think they consider him immediate, but who knows. Don't worry about it.
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Old 09-12-2007, 07:09 PM   #14
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Well, I guess I'll be the odd one here. I do think it's strange. I don't know how they've treated him in the past, so that would be part of the answer.

My mom has done the same thing for years. She usually does something smallish-range for my birthday, but I usually get a check. Dh is lucky if he gets a card.

For Christmas, she gets the kids a few things, gets my dh and sister's dh (our dh's are married, by the way) one thing. But, she LOADS us down with gifts. Granted, they're not expensive, but she walks in with arm loads of presents. Even the kids go

So she basically treats my sister and me like we're still 12.

Now, on the other hand, dh's parents have ALWAYS spent the same amount of $$ on everyone. Once you marry in, you're included. They either decrease the total amount they spend or increase it to accommodate the new person. His grandparents do the same thing too.

I will treat everyone equally when my kids grow up. I do not want to make my children's spouses feel uncomfortable. If I can't afford to do much, I might consider sending them a joint gift, but I will NOT leave anyone out. That only leads to hurt feelings.

I don't think your parents did this intentionally...it was, more than likely, an oversight.
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Old 09-12-2007, 07:25 PM   #15
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I guess I'm in the "not rude" camp. My Mom is dead and never knew DH but HIS MOM gives him money for his birthday and not me. I guess it never occurred to me that she would, I'm not her daughter......

I had a boss once who told me to "Always assume positive intent". I'm sure your parents did not mean to be rude it just may not have occurred to them to give you husband money.

Take your gift and treat your DH to dinner or a movie OR BOTH
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Old 09-12-2007, 07:31 PM   #16
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I have this argument all the time in my head. My DH's family absolutely does not remember bdays, anniversary's, etc. mine does. I used to get mad when my DH's parents wouldn't remember his bday or xmas or ANYTHING, but my family always remembered to include him in the cards/etc. I have learned that it is how his family is, and the more mad I get, the worse for me, not them....
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Old 09-12-2007, 07:48 PM   #17
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He hasn't said anything to me about it so I don't think it bothers him, if it has he's not saying. His mom died last October and almost to the day she died she would always send us guys the same thing for our birthdays and holidays. It was that way from the day we got married and actually before when we were engaged.
I guess it's just not something I would do, but then again I'm always looking over my shoulder to see who thinks badly of me. I would feel bad if I did that but that's just me.
Anyway, we have reservations Friday for our favorite restaurant. We'll go enjoy and I'll call my parents to tell them what we did and to thank them again. No harm, no foul and no point pondering it.
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Old 09-12-2007, 08:45 PM   #18
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Just a thought but perhaps they intended to put a little something in his card and simply forgot?
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Old 09-12-2007, 09:50 PM   #19
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If they used to put something in his card, but stopped, maybe they simply can't afford it. Now MY MIL on the other hand, sends the kids $20 each, DH $40 and I usually get $20. She doesn't send my oldest, her step-grandson anything at all. Which, when he was younger, really bothered him. She doesn't like me much and she's not my parent, so I guess I'm lucky to get anything.
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Old 09-12-2007, 10:59 PM   #20
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Originally Posted by kemp View Post
I don't really think that's out of line (since you're their daughter). I'm sure they didn't intend for it to be insulting or rude to your DH...probably didn't even occur to them that it could be taken the wrong way.
I agree and that's pretty well how it works in our family too.
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