Child abuse

feministmama · 10-19-2007, 05:37 PM

Omigoddess. I work in a computer lab on my college campus. My office is a little cubicle in the lobby outsdie the classrooms so I can hear everything goign on. There is a kiosk station right by my desk that people use all the time. There is a woman who brings her small son (I'd say he is 2 1/2 -3) and yells at him the whole time, "SIT!" she yells at him while she is trying to do her work. "You should not be doing this! Sit still!" she yells. This poor child does not "know better" to sit completely still and silent while his mother works on the computer. He's a little kid!!! He's bored out of his mind and there is NO WAY a little kid CAN sit still. I mean if they were at a dentist office or getting haircut (but even then you give them something to distract them). For me, this feels like child abuse. She is yelling at this kid and telling him what a bad kid he is and blah blah blah. I can't stand it. So I go over with a stack of paper and some colored pencils and ask if he'd like to draw. The mum always says no. But then she doesn't give him anything to do. He tried to crawl under the desk to hide and yells at him "GET UP HERE AND SIT STILL!" OY! I can't stand it. They come in every Friday. I would love to have someone from social work school come over who is a mandated reporter to watch this crap. Btu I know that how I discipline my kid is probably child abuse to someone else so i can't really judge another parent.

what would you do?

auburnchick · 10-19-2007, 10:45 PM

Well, I doubt that you're going to be able to do anything that will really change things, but perhaps you could ask explain to the mother that you are working nearby (or maybe even that other people are trying to work), and that maybe she could keep her voice down? I don't know. This is kind of tricky. What about getting a supervisor involved. Maybe have your super sit in your office for a few minutes when the lady is there.

I'm so sorry for the child. At least give the child some trucks that he can roll around or some blocks to play with.

iza · 10-19-2007, 11:44 PM

How long do they stay usually? I think this is the key. If it's half an hour, it's not great, but maybe it's just bad parenting, not child abuse. But if it goes on for 3-4 hours, it's ridiculous. You can't ask such a young child to stay still for that long.

mrs_faller · 10-19-2007, 11:57 PM

i know it's painful to see a kid being yelled at, but moms loose their cool and minds plenty of times.

god knows i get frustrated with my daughter at times because she's crying for something utterly ridiculous or is having a very cranky day. and i know an onlooker may judge me for it and assume things but that's not how i am all the time, and that does not summarize how i am as a mother to my child.

feministmama · 10-20-2007, 12:08 AM

Originally Posted by iza

How long do they stay usually? I think this is the key. If it's half an hour, it's not great, but maybe it's just bad parenting, not child abuse. But if it goes on for 3-4 hours, it's ridiculous. You can't ask such a young child to stay still for that long.

It's 4:00 now and they got here around 2:00. They're here every Friday and its the same thing. That poor child.

Jan in CA · 10-20-2007, 12:32 AM

At the very least that is bad parenting. It makes you wonder what goes on behind closed doors if she's this way in public. Children that age cannot sit still for that long. Do you mean she brings NOTHING for him to do?

I'm not sure what you can do.

Susan P. · 10-20-2007, 01:39 AM

feministmama.. That is inappropriate on a few levels:

1. It is placing the child in an ongoing stressful situation of critique and placing unrealistic expectations on the child
2. It is inappropriate that the workplace should be disrupted by that ongoing sound.

I gather the situation is for an afternoon? You said she started at 2 so she goes from say 2 to 5? I would therefore assume she does not want to pay a babysitter for the time and have a lot of her pay go on that. I think one has to accept paying for proper care but that is another thing entirely.

What is the 'boss' in this situation doing or saying or are they out of earshot? The child would obviously, IF they MUST be there, be better placed at a table with pencils and paper and a glass of water etc. That is better care and would lead to a quiet workplace. I feel that is something that should come from management and I think your recourse is to go and speak to someone appropriate in confidence. Accepting of course that in workplaces privacy can be problematic!

letah75 · 10-20-2007, 03:36 AM

You know if she is telling the child he is bad, wrong, yelling, etc. That can be considered emotional abuse. especially at his age.

You don't need to be a mandated reporter to report someone for child abuse (Mental, Physical, Sexual, General Neglect, Caretaker Absence are the most common types).

I work with CPS (in my area) everyday. You can make an anonymous report, you don't have to give your name. If you don't have her or the child's information you could at the very least call them and ask their advice on the situation, explain your concerns, and see if they could let you know if her behavior full fills the requirements for reporting.

I would suggest making a report, for the simple fact that there very well might be other referrals to CPS already. Helping the agency with a pattern is very important.

Now honestly, what your seeing likely will be evaluated out, meaning they will take the report and not go out to the house. But believe me, helping to document the pattern is very important, and if it doesn't help in the immediate, could very well help out in the long run.

If you want anymore information, pm me.

Knitting_Guy · 10-20-2007, 04:02 AM

Ok, I know this is going to be a very unpopular point of view, but my own feeling on this is that it isn't your kid and isn't your problem. Frankly I feel that that it's her kid and her business. Butt out.

auburnchick · 10-20-2007, 04:15 AM

In a way, I agree with you, Mason; however, this is occurring in a public place, and it is affecting her job. At the very least, it is very rude and distracting. She should say something to her supervisor. Perhaps they could put a sign on the desk about being courteous to those around them...yada, yada, yada...