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Old 12-01-2007, 10:27 PM   #1
threesmom
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So how do YOU do it all???
I don't know if it is the holidays, a new job with more responsibility, crazy kids, laundry for five with a 4 year old who changes her clothes 19 times a day, or being 33, but I have been completely exhausted of late, and never feel like I have time for anything. So I'm asking you, my online support system, who do so much, how do you do it!!??

I guess life started to get wonky about a month or two ago when I switched jobs. Same hospital, but went from being a mental health counselor, which is sort of a specialized babysitter, to a therapist - much more in line with my background, but way more responsibility. I see patients now, do family sessions, run more groups than the full timers, and just never seem to have time to get it all done. I'm paid for 20 hours, but always work more, and although I finally have a set schedule, I'm never quite sure when I'll come home.

Which is stressful when I get here. The kids are either sleeping or doing their night-crazies (I swear they are part cat). The days I have off I just seem to use poorly, by the time I catch up on chores, there is little time for quality time with them. My dh is great with everything, but he's trying to plan a house project, and constantly asking me questions about what kind of bedroom I want, or where I think the windows should be. It takes every fiber of my being not to jump about, pulling out my hair, shouting "I don't care, I just don't f**&&& care!!!"

And that's not even Christmas - with the shopping, baking, cooking, crafting, decorating ....everything elseing!

Do I need therapy? Or just a good stiff drink?

Thanks - I needed the vent.
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Old 12-01-2007, 10:29 PM   #2
Knitting_Guy
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A good stiff drink is always a good idea.
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Old 12-01-2007, 10:31 PM   #3
threesmom
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Thanks Mason! Perhaps I'll go do just that ... without my knitting...
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Old 12-01-2007, 10:41 PM   #4
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I totally empathize with you. My life is nuts...30 hour a week job, two children, high schooler playing soccer both at school and travel, plus full-time college student. I'm fortunate in that my children are older, though.

I suggest that you try to let go of some of your expectations. Many things just don't have to be done. Skip the Christmas cards this year, do gift cards as gifts, let go of the house cleaning. Your children are too young to care about those things. What's most important is that you focus on them when you are home. The rest doesn't matter.

Also, try to stick to your work schedule. This is tough for me too. But the reason you work part-time, I suspect, is to be home with your family. Be firm at work, and be firm with yourself, keeping your priorities straight.

When the kids are asleep, have a glass of wine or an Amaretto Sour (my personal favorite). Take a hot bubble bath. Give yourself about 15 minutes to unwind and relax. You'll be a better mom and wife for it.

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Old 12-01-2007, 10:46 PM   #5
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Well, simply put - I don't do it all. The hubby has to load/unload dishwasher and if he doesn't then neither do I. Seems simple but it has taken me over a year of being married to realize that the world doesn't end if I don't get dishes done before going to bed or if mail sits on the kitchen table for a week. I keep the bathrooms clean, sheets changed etc, but am trying to let go of all the control and order I had when single.
Try to focus on the big things and enjoy Christmas.
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Old 12-01-2007, 10:50 PM   #6
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Originally Posted by vaknitter View Post
Well, simply put - I don't do it all.


This is wonderful advice! I've been married over 18 years, and for about 15 of them, I did just about everything. When I went back to school, I felt overwhelmed and just quit doing stuff. The kids have responsibilities (and even though your's are young, they can help out too). Dh has to do stuff, or else it doesn't get done. I've slowly gotten used to things not being done. Even if it does get done, it just has to be done all over again a few days later.
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Old 12-01-2007, 11:48 PM   #7
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You *can't* do it all without breaking. Nobody expects you to be Superwoman. Take time to enjoy your life, too; what's the point of it if it's just a dreary list of tasks? There's always going to be dirty dishes, laundry, and cleaning to do, but in the long run, are you going to wish you spent more time with your kids or more time cleaning? I'm not saying let everything drop, but I feel like a lot of moms (especially working ones) put way too much pressure on themselves about that kind of thing.
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Old 12-02-2007, 09:19 AM   #8
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I agree - you can't do it all! I work f/t, have 2 kids 11 and 7, and a husband who works nights. It's tough. I do work from home, but it's not all glamor and fun like most think. It's even harder to separate work from home. I used to homeschool too. I put the kids in school, I made a schedule for when I will do laundry (Monday and Thursday - not everyday), I set chores for the kids (yours are young but they can help a bit too) and I don't stress out over what doesn't get done. When I get overwhelmed with clutter or the need to sweep/mop, I just do it. I use phone time to clean. LOL

Just take a deep breath - set and keep a work schedule - that is so important. I used to work all day every day an hour here, and hour there. But no more, now I have a set schedule as though I was in the office and I'm done when the kids get home. My husband helps out too, I can't do it all. Be sure to take some time for yourself, even if it's only 15 minutes a day to relax. You need it and so does your family.
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Old 12-02-2007, 11:05 AM   #9
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Old 12-02-2007, 11:42 AM   #10
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NOBODY does it all--unless they are either hyper, don't have a life, or permanently in a manic state!
I'm in school full-time, tons of homework, 2 busy teens, nightshift (12-hour shifts) hubby who has projects of his own. The housework waits, except for dishes and laundry which the kids do.

Give yourself permission to be human, vent here when you need to, have that drink, and TAKE A REAL DAY OFF!--spend the day in your pajamas (declare it a pajama day to the kids and read a book with them in bed--take a nap with them while you're there).

Tell the boss that you're trying to do too much and spreading yourself too thin--you can't do as many groups etc as the full-timers and do them properly, you need to cut back a bit.

Buy storebought instead of baking, decorate with a few big things (tree, wreaths, some giant bows or bells, tape Christmas cards on the walls as you recieve them) instead of a bunch of little stuff.

Work will smooth out, hubby's project will come to fruition, the Christmas holidays will pass.

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