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Old 12-11-2007, 10:43 AM   #1
cdjack
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marriage/relationship advice
My dh have been married for over 7 years (it will be 8 years in April).
I love him and he is my best friend. However, lately, it's like we are in a rut. Nothing is really wrong (we almost never fight), but its like we are just going through the motions. We never talk anymore. I mean, sure, there's "What do you want for dinner?", "Need me to pick up anything at the store?".... But, it seems we don't have conversations anymore. How do we get out of this? Go on a vacation? Start having "date nights"?

Our lease is up in May and I've even thought of suggesting that we move to town where there is more stuff going on. We live out in the country and we don't have any kids. No kids, yet...

Any advice that y'all could give would be most appreciated.
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Old 12-11-2007, 11:02 AM   #2
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Not having the experience of living with my partner yet. We're engaged but I'm not moving in with him till February. I would say that having "date nights" out is a good idea. Go out to see a movie or a nice resturant for a cosy meal. Or do both the same night.
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Old 12-11-2007, 11:15 AM   #3
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I have been married 13 years and we have been dating since our junior year in HS almost 20 years ago! Date nights would definitely help! Or a vacation now and again. But you can do little things too...one thing that we do is set my alarm 20 minutes earlier than his so we can snuggle up for those 20 minutes. That way we can still get our sleep in and at the same time feel that we are close.

Have you talked to him about it? What did he say?
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Old 12-11-2007, 11:28 AM   #4
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My dh is the most un-morning person that you will ever meet. Setting the alarm 20 minutes early wouldn't be a good idea.
I would like it, though...

He was the one that brought it up. I was thinking the same thing though...
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Old 12-11-2007, 11:55 AM   #5
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do stuff that you both have not done before...go dating ...try taking couple messaging class... taking a vacation trip ...hope all went well for you and your dh...
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Old 12-11-2007, 12:16 PM   #6
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The best thing in the world is making time to do things that the other one likes to do.

I go golfing with my dh, and he shops with me (okay, he likes to do that too, so that's kind of cheating!). Having things in common to talk about will really help. Read the same book so you can talk about it, go to a play or a lecture, take up a new hobby that you both want to know more about. Dh and I have started watching Heroes together every Monday.

Volunteer together.

The greatest drag on a marriage is the boring. When you get to a point where you feel like you know every story...and hearing about their day at work doesn't even remotely interest you (dh worked for awhile as a manager at a shoe store. Who knew I would be so bored listening to stories about shoes?)

So...create things for you to talk about that will interest both of you.

It's worth it.
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Old 12-11-2007, 12:24 PM   #7
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Yeah, that's how I got into baseball. Dh is a huge Houston Astros fan, so I started asking a bunch of questions. Now its something we enjoy watching together. But that doesn't start again until April.
Maybe we can start going to hockey games...
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Old 12-11-2007, 12:58 PM   #8
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My DH and I always have a nice snuggle in bed and talk before we go to sleep It's one of my favourite times of the day
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Old 12-11-2007, 01:16 PM   #9
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Date night sound like a great place to start. Another idea is take a class of some sort. My bro and sil starting taking a kickboxing class together once the realized they were in that same rut. They both really enjoy it and it gives them something to do and talk about. Of course it wouldn't have to be kickboxing.
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Old 12-11-2007, 01:30 PM   #10
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Thanks for all the advice. I've been online this morning doing some research about things that we could do together.
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