What to do when a friend constantly copies you

[*KnitPixie*]

She may feel you're prettier/smarter/more popular or whatever and in some way feels that by being like you will bring her the same thing. We Maybe you could both take one of those classes that help people find the colors/style they look best in. Of course if she has the same coloring/body type as you this may not work.

I know she always says I am prettier and skinnier than her but I tell her were both pretty in different ways and compliment her good points..I have also tried helping her find the color and style clothing that looks best on her when we shop and she buys them but that doesn't prevent her from getting what I get the only thing that does is size. Well I guess I will think about it and let it brew and then tal;k to her appropriately. However, I will not get my next best choice anymore cause I DO believe she likes getting her own way which is so grade school anyway I am too sensitive to just cut someone out of my life. Well one of the current thing is ravelry which was my secret place because as auburn chick said you begin to hide things in fear of copying. I never post my FO's on KH because I know she'll copy(this strongly bothers me as she can be done with it before me even though I started it first due to a condition I have) so I was ecstatic when ravelry started, I thought I could secretly display my hard work, then she found out about it from here ( she occasionally goes on and no I dont care if she reads this) and looked me up became my friend on there seen a sock pattern I been desperately despite pain trying to get done for my gram for christmas and started them right away. When I confronted her asked her what shes making she said wrist warmers, I said can I see the pattern, "oh I dont have one I made it up"( which is funny cause she has trouble understanding already made up patterns) but anyway so I say its cute it really looks like my sock..hint hint..she replies I know its weird Liar but her pattern she was working from on her laptop was the same as the sock pattern even down to the turn heel which only belong to socks, I am not stupid and since she never made socks I know she didnt make up the same pattern as Judy sumner lol but I say nuthin and get furious and upset all at the same time. It hurts though when she does this because she knows I have been struggling to get these done so she thinks I'm dumb enough to believe their wrist warmers and I watch her complete 1/2 of what I have done in one day compared to my 15 or more days of labor grr..so insensitive and not to mention completely unoriginal..Now if she reads this before I confront her she will finish them and to avoid a fight pretend they were a surpriuse for me ( putting on the guilt trip) in the first place or she'll rip them apart and say her pattern didnt work out or shell try to make them and I dont care what else she does with them..she can shove em where the sun dont shine for all I care..I am fed up with it all..Thanks for hearing me vent I really need to get it all out

[Jan in CA]

This relationship doesn't really sound like it's worth it anymore, hon. It's making your life more stressful and I'm sure you don't need that. Think seriously about distancing yourself...it won't stop her, but you won't have see what she's doing. And don't let her think you are dumb and can't figure out what she's doing.

[auburnchick]

Ok. Now I'm getting mad. Aimee, I you dearly. You and I are buds now. When I care about someone, I get all motherly.

I realize that you are very kind. However, you should be able to live your own life. I feel upset because you're not posting FO's because of your friend. That, my dear, is not right. I feel deprived of the pleasure of seeing your hard work. You should not live your life like that. It's not healthy. It's a form of control that, although (perhaps) unintended, is being allowed to continue.

You need to separate yourself from her. The fact that you are airing this in such a public arena, where you know she's probably going to read it, is a loud cry for change.

Perhaps you are being too nice. I know...what would Jesus do? He would love her. Is it possible that you can just love her and still live your life the way you want. Perhaps love her from a distance?

How healthy is this for you and your future fiance (or dh?). Not very. Life is stressful enough. You certainly don't need it with what you go through already. It only aggravates your symptoms. In fact, it's the leading cause, I'll guarantee it.

I suggest that you pray (I'm sure you have done this already), but really pray for a resolution. God can move mountains, and this sounds like Mt. Everest.

Now, take a deep breath, sit up straight, tighten up that backbone, and don't take this anymore. Please don't make me have to take a trip where you are and do it for you. Just ask my dd. I've had to be held back before when someone was going after her on the soccer field. Don't mess with my babies.

you, dear. You're a sweet thing who deserves friends who don't feel the need to compete with your assertive, creative, kind ways.

[LilHuskiesFootBallMom]

I had someone like that in my life once, i stopped associating with her... it was getting rediculous:

i grew my hair out, she did the same.

I picked crochet back up, she tried (and failed miserably... she comes from a family of knitters but decided that wasn't good enough)

we got pregnant, she decided she and her hubby needed to be ASAP.

we bought a house, She became a royal <enter term of choice here> to her dh until they got one too (in a REALLY BAD part of town too because that was all they could afford in that city).

I went back to school, she went back to school.

Doing the mom thing is easy for me, next thing she's trying to be miss suzy homemaker and keeps comparing my styles to hers and refers to me (in front of my and her kids) as "the professional mommy" in THAT snotty tone that makes you want to backhand them across the face because you can tell it's one of those backhanded compliments.

we'd go and play D&D (dungeons and dragons) and she'd get JELOUS that her dh and I would think about the different obstacles the same way. Her dh comes over here and she's calling EVERY HALF HOUR.

She kept comparing our kids, saying how great hers were (they're absolute terrors.. she, her dh whom MY dh has been friends with since college, and their son were here for dinner, the little brat kept putting his feet ON THE TABLE and kicking his dishes because we don't allow kids to eat in the livingroom at dinnertime in front of the TV... he then decided after dinner to stomp all over my kids actionf igures and BROKE THEM. No appologies, no punishments, NADA) and kept criticizing mine.

For the sake of all of us, we no longer associate with her or the kids. Dh sees the hubby at work and talks to him all the time.


She made everything into a competition. the more she tried and got snotty about things, the more i'd laugh. I told my dh that apparently she thinks we're in a competition and that I'm wining given how she's been treating her dh and kids (nothing is good enough) so apparently for me it's not a competition.

Tell the girl that although you're flattered, she needs to let the world see who she really is and while you're willing to help, you really don't need a clone.

[Knitting_Guy]

Tell her you're going to jump off a high bridge and hope she beats you to it.

[*KnitPixie*]

Ok. Now I'm getting mad. Aimee, I you dearly. You and I are buds now. When I care about someone, I get all motherly.

I realize that you are very kind. However, you should be able to live your own life. I feel upset because you're not posting FO's because of your friend. That, my dear, is not right. I feel deprived of the pleasure of seeing your hard work. You should not live your life like that. It's not healthy. It's a form of control that, although (perhaps) unintended, is being allowed to continue.

You need to separate yourself from her. The fact that you are airing this in such a public arena, where you know she's probably going to read it, is a loud cry for change.

Perhaps you are being too nice. I know...what would Jesus do? He would love her. Is it possible that you can just love her and still live your life the way you want. Perhaps love her from a distance?

How healthy is this for you and your future fiance (or dh?). Not very. Life is stressful enough. You certainly don't need it with what you go through already. It only aggravates your symptoms. In fact, it's the leading cause, I'll guarantee it.

I suggest that you pray (I'm sure you have done this already), but really pray for a resolution. God can move mountains, and this sounds like Mt. Everest.

Now, take a deep breath, sit up straight, tighten up that backbone, and don't take this anymore. Please don't make me have to take a trip where you are and do it for you. Just ask my dd. I've had to be held back before when someone was going after her on the soccer field. Don't mess with my babies.

you, dear. You're a sweet thing who deserves friends who don't feel the need to compete with your assertive, creative, kind ways.

I you dearly too Nathalie Thanks for all your kind words and advise. I am going to let it brew for a couple of days think about exactly what I want to say and continue to work on my sock anyway. I will not let my spirits get down, I deserve better than that! Well my fiance tells me I do Oh and I am definitely going to start posting my FO's on here anyway and telling the details to my fellow knitting friends on ravelry as well. I will try to relax to keep the stress levels down..I have already relaxed today for a start to my Christmas break.. My fiance and I slept in and when we woke up we went out to get something to eat, and then came home and I made 6 sets of stitch markers while watching our netflix . Should I post my stitch marker pictures as well in FO's or is it only for knitted and crocheted things? Hmm..we shall see Well thanks for everything and your hat on ravelry looks great!!I'm glad you liked the yarn

[*KnitPixie*]

Tell her you're going to jump off a high bridge and hope she beats you to it.

Mason your too much

[auburnchick]

I'll bet Mason doesn't have any clones, eh? At least not for long.

Aimee, post those stitch markers. They are darling, and you deserve the attention they'll get. We all need to feel good, and this is the perfect place for that.

Post those socks too!!!!!

[LilHuskiesFootBallMom]

you know... i was thinking about it for a bit while knitting... you stated that she always says you're skinnier/prettier/etc and you end up telling her that you're both pretty in different ways...

I think that she has such a low opinion of herself that she constantly needs to fish for compliments (perfect example is what you stated) and since you more than likely get compliments with your taste in clothing/knitting/etc she's using you to fish for compliments about herself... however, since she's decided to be your clone (an episode of Lizzie McGuire comes to mind... thank my kids for it LOL) all they're really doing is complimenting you.

To your clone: Hon, i HIGHLY encourage you to start branching out and trying new things, even if they seem a bit intimidating at first. Give people the chance to know the real you. First you must love yourself. If there's something you don't like about yourself, then change it. Don't go and say that you have no control, no one really has control over many of the things that happen to them in life, what they do have control over is how they have chosen to allow those things to affect them. I'm sure once people start seeing the real you, you'll find out how wonderful of a person you truly are.

[*KnitPixie*]

you know... i was thinking about it for a bit while knitting... you stated that she always says you're skinnier/prettier/etc and you end up telling her that you're both pretty in different ways...

I think that she has such a low opinion of herself that she constantly needs to fish for compliments (perfect example is what you stated) and since you more than likely get compliments with your taste in clothing/knitting/etc she's using you to fish for compliments about herself... however, since she's decided to be your clone (an episode of Lizzie McGuire comes to mind... thank my kids for it LOL) all they're really doing is complimenting you.

To your clone: Hon, i HIGHLY encourage you to start branching out and trying new things, even if they seem a bit intimidating at first. Give people the chance to know the real you. First you must love yourself. If there's something you don't like about yourself, then change it. Don't go and say that you have no control, no one really has control over many of the things that happen to them in life, what they do have control over is how they have chosen to allow those things to affect them. I'm sure once people start seeing the real you, you'll find out how wonderful of a person you truly are.

So well put. I love the message to my friend I just want her to be herself after all that is why I ended up liking her in the first place. I mean I don't wanna be best friends with myself persay I 'ed her for being her